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Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007

On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig,
Lionel did state:

> Of course!

"A'wunnerful, a'wunnerful!"

-- Stan Freberg

Well, I'll be voting!

--
In some circumstances, the refusal to be defeated is a refusal to be educated.

-Margaret Halsey, novelist (1910-1997)

Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007

On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig, Bob
Officer did state:

> On Wed, 09 May 2007 07:06:30 GMT, in alt.usenet.kooks, §qu@re Wheels
> <ouzo-uzi@drunken_aim.net> wrote:
>
>>On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig, Bob
>>Officer did state:
>>
>>> On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks,
>>> Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote:
>>>
>>>><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare"
>>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ
>>>></music>
>>>>
>>>>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook
>>>>Awards. Envelopes, please!
>>>>
>>>><music>drumroll</music>
>>>>
>>>>KOOK OF THE MONTH
>>>>
>>>> The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY!
>>>>
>>>> 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>>> 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II
>>>> 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com
>>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>>
>>>>Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain
>>>>has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally
>>>>won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook!
>>>>
>>>>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
>>>>
>>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>>
>>>> 20 votes Gerald C Newton
>>>> 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads
>>>> 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>>> 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men
>>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>>
>>>>Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to
>>>>inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is
>>>>a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't
>>>>conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts.
>>>>
>>>>COWARD OF THE MONTH
>>>>
>>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>>
>>>> 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>>> 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young
>>>> 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>>> 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>>> 01 votes Linda Gore
>>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>>
>>>>Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough
>>>>campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider
>>>>since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know
>>>>what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock
>>>>it off. Funny how that works.
>>>>
>>>>LOONEY MAROON AWARD
>>>>
>>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>>
>>>> 19 votes Gerald C Newton
>>>> 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>>> 05 votes Linda Gore
>>>> 01 votes Salvador Astucia
>>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>>
>>>>Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the
>>>>silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in
>>>>the web-hosting company doing?
>>>>
>>>>GOLDEN KILLFILE
>>>>
>>>> The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>>
>>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>>> 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard"
>>>> 05 votes Dirk Bruere
>>>> 03 votes None of the above
>>>>
>>>>Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your
>>>>companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to
>>>>make your poasts disappear as well.
>>>>
>>>>JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD
>>>>
>>>> The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS!
>>>>
>>>> 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>>> 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>>> 01 votes Respondant
>>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>>
>>>>Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile
>>>>showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever.
>>>>Now, back into your cell!
>>>>
>>>>BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>>
>>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>>
>>>> 28 votes Gerald C. Newton
>>>> 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>>
>>>>Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any
>>>>harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you.
>>>>
>>>>Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the...
>>>>
>>>>EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD
>>>>
>>>>"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on
>>>>Usenet."
>>>>
>>>>The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>>
>>>>This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle,
>>>>but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving
>>>>your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker!
>>>>
>>>>PALMJOB PADDLE
>>>>
>>>> The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE!
>>>>
>>>> 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>>> 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>>> 04 votes Crash Street Kidd
>>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>>
>>>>Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to
>>>>prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were
>>>>first confined. Some things don't change.
>>>>
>>>>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD
>>>>
>>>> The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>>
>>>> 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston
>>>> 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain
>>>> 06 votes Neither of the above
>>>>
>>>>Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide
>>>>how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you
>>>>despise.
>>>>
>>>>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD
>>>>
>>>> The winner is...TOM POTTER!
>>>>
>>>> 15 votes Tom Potter
>>>> 08 votes Greysky
>>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>>
>>>>Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on
>>>>USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of
>>>>the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day.
>>>>
>>>>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
>>>>
>>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>>
>>>> 20 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston
>>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>>
>>>>Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized.
>>>>Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/
>>>>dimension.
>>>>
>>>>GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD
>>>>
>>>> The winner is...STEVE CHANEY!
>>>>
>>>> 12 votes Steve Chaney
>>>> 11 votes Linda Gore
>>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>>
>>>>Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking
>>>>your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their
>>>>disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest-
>>>>beating to the contrary..
>>>>
>>>>SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART
>>>>
>>>> The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP!
>>>>
>>>> 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>>> 10 votes Linda Gore
>>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>>
>>>>What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on
>>>>USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your
>>>>froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom--
>>>>you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would
>>>>think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers
>>>>wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the
>>>>reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET.
>>>>
>>>>TAR & FEATHERS
>>>>
>>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>>
>>>> 14 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>>> 09 votes Honest John
>>>> 07 votes Linda Gore
>>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>>
>>>>Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want
>>>>you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with
>>>>you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported.
>>>>
>>>>BUSTED URINAL AWARD
>>>>
>>>> The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE!
>>>>
>>>> 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe
>>>> 07 votes Hagar
>>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>>
>>>>Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping
>>>>have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be
>>>>tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up
>>>>Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel.
>>>>
>>>>UNABOMBER SURPRISE
>>>>
>>>> The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN!
>>>>
>>>> 13 votes MCP of soc.men
>>>> 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard
>>>> 04 votes John Fields
>>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>>
>>>>Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"?
>>>>
>>>>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK
>>>>
>>>> The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life
>>>>
>>>> 28 votes YES
>>>> 03 votes NO
>>>>
>>>>Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard
>>>>"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were
>>>>among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no
>>>>less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your
>>>>idiocy becomes contageous!
>>>>
>>>>ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET
>>>>
>>>> We hace a tie!
>>>>
>>>> 14 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt
>>>> 14 votes Sylvia "PSYLVIA" Sullivan
>>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>>
>>>>Congratulations, sockpuppeteers! Your efforts at trying to hide
>>>>yourselves, however transparently, have finally been recognized--PSYLVIA
>>>>for her morphing, and Howdy for using an array of self-promoting identities
>>>>to post about himself both on USENET and on guestbooks and comment pages.
>>>>
>>>>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD
>>>>
>>>> The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL!
>>>>
>>>> 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel
>>>> 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat
>>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>>
>>>>Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi
>>>>who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has
>>>>faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for
>>>>years.
>>>>
>>>>EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007
>>>>
>>>> The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG!
>>>>
>>>> 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung
>>>> 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>>> 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>>
>>>>Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on
>>>>Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it
>>>>/twice/ now!
>>>>
>>>>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>>
>>>> The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET!
>>>>
>>>> 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART,
>>>> Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet
>>>> 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>>
>>>>Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!!
>>>>
>>>>HAMMER OF THOR
>>>>
>>>>The winner is...Wally Anglesea
>>>>
>>>> 28 votes YES
>>>> 00 votes NO
>>>>
>>>>It's unanimous! All hail Wally!!!1!!!
>>>>
>>>>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL
>>>>
>>>> The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>>
>>>> 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>>> 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>>> 07 votes David Tholen
>>>>
>>>>Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of
>>>>the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining.
>>>>Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding
>>>>crocodile tears?
>>>>
>>>>OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT
>>>>
>>>> The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL"
>>>>
>>>> 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll"
>>>> 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>>> 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>>>
>>>>Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most
>>>>persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years.
>>>>Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel!
>>>>
>>>>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
>>>>
>>>> The winner is...BRAD GUTH!
>>>>
>>>> 18 votes Brad Guth
>>>> 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung
>>>> 08 votes Linda Gore
>>>>
>>>>Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced-
>>>>out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office.
>>>>Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation.
>>>>
>>>>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS
>>>>
>>>> The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>>
>>>> 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>>> 14 votes news.groups.proposals
>>>>
>>>>Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a
>>>>group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious
>>>>has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good
>>>>fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you
>>>>together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be
>>>>very long.
>>>>
>>>>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet
>>>>Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three
>>>>ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded.
>>>>Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot
>>>>for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but
>>>>for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded
>>>>paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed
>>>>valid and counted.
>>>>
>>>>See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round
>>>>of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and
>>>>all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy!
>>>>
>>>>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner,
>>>>Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska!
>>>>
>>>><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'"
>>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg
>>>></music>
>>
>>
>>Can Llewdellen be nominated again for May?
>
> I posted comments about it, down thread.
>
> I believe Llewdellen could be nominated for mast all of the awards.
> saturation. I also think he should also be nominated.

Well, I intend to vote, fer shure!

And now off to my little trundle bed; gotta get up seriously early to do a
script-edit.

Nytol!

--
In some circumstances, the refusal to be defeated is a refusal to be educated.

-Margaret Halsey, novelist (1910-1997)

Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007

You worthless little coward, you couldn't get the kooks to go along with
you, what loser!
God Bless America, Bill O|||||||O
mailto:-------------------- http://www.----------.com/

"§qu@re Wheels" <ouzo-uzi@drunken_aim.net> wrote in message
news:Wpe0i.171036$aG1.82428@pd7urf3no
>
> Can Llewdellen be nominated again for May?

--
Posted via a free Usenet account from http://www.teranews.com

Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007

Is this that little Mexican chiwawa rat dog, barking it's rabid head
off, me too, me too?
God Bless America, Bill O|||||||O
mailto:-------------------- http://www.----------.com/

"Lionel" <usenet@imagenoir.com> wrote in message
news:f1rs1m$hhr$1@blackhelicopter.databasix.com
>
> Of course!

--
Posted via a free Usenet account from http://www.teranews.com