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Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
On Wed, 09 May 2007 07:06:30 GMT, §qu@re Wheels
<ouzo-uzi@drunken_aim.net> boggled at how lame the Kooks are these days, then wrote: >On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig, Bob >Officer did state: > >> On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks, >> Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote: >> >>><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare" >>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ >>></music> >>> >>>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook >>>Awards. Envelopes, please! >>> >>><music>drumroll</music> >>> >>>KOOK OF THE MONTH >>> >>> The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY! >>> >>> 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy >>> 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II >>> 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com >>> 01 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain >>>has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally >>>won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook! >>> >>>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 20 votes Gerald C Newton >>> 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads >>> 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup >>> 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to >>>inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is >>>a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't >>>conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts. >>> >>>COWARD OF THE MONTH >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska >>> 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young >>> 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> 01 votes Linda Gore >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough >>>campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider >>>since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know >>>what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock >>>it off. Funny how that works. >>> >>>LOONEY MAROON AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 19 votes Gerald C Newton >>> 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness" >>> 05 votes Linda Gore >>> 01 votes Salvador Astucia >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the >>>silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in >>>the web-hosting company doing? >>> >>>GOLDEN KILLFILE >>> >>> The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK! >>> >>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk >>> 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard" >>> 05 votes Dirk Bruere >>> 03 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your >>>companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to >>>make your poasts disappear as well. >>> >>>JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS! >>> >>> 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps >>> 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness" >>> 01 votes Respondant >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile >>>showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever. >>>Now, back into your cell! >>> >>>BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 28 votes Gerald C. Newton >>> 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk >>> 01 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any >>>harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you. >>> >>>Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the... >>> >>>EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD >>> >>>"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on >>>Usenet." >>> >>>The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>>This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle, >>>but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving >>>your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker! >>> >>>PALMJOB PADDLE >>> >>> The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE! >>> >>> 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps >>> 04 votes Crash Street Kidd >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to >>>prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were >>>first confined. Some things don't change. >>> >>>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON! >>> >>> 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston >>> 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain >>> 06 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide >>>how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you >>>despise. >>> >>>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...TOM POTTER! >>> >>> 15 votes Tom Potter >>> 08 votes Greysky >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on >>>USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of >>>the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day. >>> >>>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY >>> >>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ! >>> >>> 20 votes Barbara Schwarz >>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston >>> 01 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized. >>>Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/ >>>dimension. >>> >>>GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...STEVE CHANEY! >>> >>> 12 votes Steve Chaney >>> 11 votes Linda Gore >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking >>>your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their >>>disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest- >>>beating to the contrary.. >>> >>>SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART >>> >>> The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP! >>> >>> 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup >>> 10 votes Linda Gore >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on >>>USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your >>>froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom-- >>>you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would >>>think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers >>>wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the >>>reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET. >>> >>>TAR & FEATHERS >>> >>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ! >>> >>> 14 votes Barbara Schwarz >>> 09 votes Honest John >>> 07 votes Linda Gore >>> 02 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want >>>you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with >>>you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported. >>> >>>BUSTED URINAL AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE! >>> >>> 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe >>> 07 votes Hagar >>> 01 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping >>>have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be >>>tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up >>>Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel. >>> >>>UNABOMBER SURPRISE >>> >>> The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN! >>> >>> 13 votes MCP of soc.men >>> 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard >>> 04 votes John Fields >>> 02 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"? >>> >>>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK >>> >>> The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life >>> >>> 28 votes YES >>> 03 votes NO >>> >>>Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard >>>"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were >>>among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no >>>less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your >>>idiocy becomes contageous! >>> >>>ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET >>> >>> We hace a tie! >>> >>> 14 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt >>> 14 votes Sylvia "PSYLVIA" Sullivan >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, sockpuppeteers! Your efforts at trying to hide >>>yourselves, however transparently, have finally been recognized--PSYLVIA >>>for her morphing, and Howdy for using an array of self-promoting identities >>>to post about himself both on USENET and on guestbooks and comment pages. >>> >>>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL! >>> >>> 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel >>> 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat >>> 00 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi >>>who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has >>>faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for >>>years. >>> >>>EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007 >>> >>> The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG! >>> >>> 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung >>> 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> 01 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on >>>Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it >>>/twice/ now! >>> >>>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER >>> >>> The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET! >>> >>> 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART, >>> Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet >>> 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 00 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!! >>> >>>HAMMER OF THOR >>> >>>The winner is...Wally Anglesea >>> >>> 28 votes YES >>> 00 votes NO >>> >>>It's unanimous! All hail Wally!!!1!!! >>> >>>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL >>> >>> The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON! >>> >>> 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy >>> 07 votes David Tholen >>> >>>Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of >>>the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining. >>>Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding >>>crocodile tears? >>> >>>OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT >>> >>> The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL" >>> >>> 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll" >>> 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska >>> 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> >>>Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most >>>persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years. >>>Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel! >>> >>>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER >>> >>> The winner is...BRAD GUTH! >>> >>> 18 votes Brad Guth >>> 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung >>> 08 votes Linda Gore >>> >>>Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced- >>>out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office. >>>Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation. >>> >>>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS >>> >>> The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK! >>> >>> 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk >>> 14 votes news.groups.proposals >>> >>>Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a >>>group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious >>>has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good >>>fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you >>>together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be >>>very long. >>> >>>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet >>>Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three >>>ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded. >>>Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot >>>for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but >>>for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded >>>paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed >>>valid and counted. >>> >>>See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round >>>of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and >>>all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy! >>> >>>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner, >>>Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska! >>> >>><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'" >>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg >>></music> > > >Can Llewdellen be nominated again for May? Of course! -- W "Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them." . | ,. w , \|/ \|/ Perna condita delenda est ---^----^--------------------------------------------------------------- |
Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
On Wed, 09 May 2007 07:06:30 GMT, §qu@re Wheels
<ouzo-uzi@drunken_aim.net> boggled at how lame the Kooks are these days, then wrote: >On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig, Bob >Officer did state: > >> On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks, >> Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote: >> >>><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare" >>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ >>></music> >>> >>>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook >>>Awards. Envelopes, please! >>> >>><music>drumroll</music> >>> >>>KOOK OF THE MONTH >>> >>> The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY! >>> >>> 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy >>> 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II >>> 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com >>> 01 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain >>>has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally >>>won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook! >>> >>>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 20 votes Gerald C Newton >>> 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads >>> 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup >>> 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to >>>inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is >>>a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't >>>conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts. >>> >>>COWARD OF THE MONTH >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska >>> 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young >>> 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> 01 votes Linda Gore >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough >>>campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider >>>since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know >>>what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock >>>it off. Funny how that works. >>> >>>LOONEY MAROON AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 19 votes Gerald C Newton >>> 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness" >>> 05 votes Linda Gore >>> 01 votes Salvador Astucia >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the >>>silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in >>>the web-hosting company doing? >>> >>>GOLDEN KILLFILE >>> >>> The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK! >>> >>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk >>> 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard" >>> 05 votes Dirk Bruere >>> 03 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your >>>companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to >>>make your poasts disappear as well. >>> >>>JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS! >>> >>> 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps >>> 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness" >>> 01 votes Respondant >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile >>>showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever. >>>Now, back into your cell! >>> >>>BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 28 votes Gerald C. Newton >>> 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk >>> 01 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any >>>harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you. >>> >>>Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the... >>> >>>EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD >>> >>>"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on >>>Usenet." >>> >>>The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>>This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle, >>>but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving >>>your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker! >>> >>>PALMJOB PADDLE >>> >>> The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE! >>> >>> 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps >>> 04 votes Crash Street Kidd >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to >>>prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were >>>first confined. Some things don't change. >>> >>>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON! >>> >>> 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston >>> 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain >>> 06 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide >>>how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you >>>despise. >>> >>>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...TOM POTTER! >>> >>> 15 votes Tom Potter >>> 08 votes Greysky >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on >>>USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of >>>the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day. >>> >>>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY >>> >>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ! >>> >>> 20 votes Barbara Schwarz >>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston >>> 01 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized. >>>Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/ >>>dimension. >>> >>>GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...STEVE CHANEY! >>> >>> 12 votes Steve Chaney >>> 11 votes Linda Gore >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking >>>your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their >>>disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest- >>>beating to the contrary.. >>> >>>SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART >>> >>> The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP! >>> >>> 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup >>> 10 votes Linda Gore >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on >>>USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your >>>froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom-- >>>you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would >>>think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers >>>wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the >>>reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET. >>> >>>TAR & FEATHERS >>> >>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ! >>> >>> 14 votes Barbara Schwarz >>> 09 votes Honest John >>> 07 votes Linda Gore >>> 02 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want >>>you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with >>>you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported. >>> >>>BUSTED URINAL AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE! >>> >>> 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe >>> 07 votes Hagar >>> 01 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping >>>have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be >>>tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up >>>Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel. >>> >>>UNABOMBER SURPRISE >>> >>> The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN! >>> >>> 13 votes MCP of soc.men >>> 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard >>> 04 votes John Fields >>> 02 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"? >>> >>>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK >>> >>> The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life >>> >>> 28 votes YES >>> 03 votes NO >>> >>>Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard >>>"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were >>>among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no >>>less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your >>>idiocy becomes contageous! >>> >>>ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET >>> >>> We hace a tie! >>> >>> 14 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt >>> 14 votes Sylvia "PSYLVIA" Sullivan >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, sockpuppeteers! Your efforts at trying to hide >>>yourselves, however transparently, have finally been recognized--PSYLVIA >>>for her morphing, and Howdy for using an array of self-promoting identities >>>to post about himself both on USENET and on guestbooks and comment pages. >>> >>>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL! >>> >>> 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel >>> 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat >>> 00 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi >>>who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has >>>faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for >>>years. >>> >>>EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007 >>> >>> The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG! >>> >>> 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung >>> 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> 01 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on >>>Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it >>>/twice/ now! >>> >>>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER >>> >>> The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET! >>> >>> 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART, >>> Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet >>> 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 00 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!! >>> >>>HAMMER OF THOR >>> >>>The winner is...Wally Anglesea >>> >>> 28 votes YES >>> 00 votes NO >>> >>>It's unanimous! All hail Wally!!!1!!! >>> >>>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL >>> >>> The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON! >>> >>> 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy >>> 07 votes David Tholen >>> >>>Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of >>>the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining. >>>Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding >>>crocodile tears? >>> >>>OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT >>> >>> The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL" >>> >>> 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll" >>> 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska >>> 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> >>>Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most >>>persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years. >>>Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel! >>> >>>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER >>> >>> The winner is...BRAD GUTH! >>> >>> 18 votes Brad Guth >>> 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung >>> 08 votes Linda Gore >>> >>>Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced- >>>out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office. >>>Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation. >>> >>>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS >>> >>> The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK! >>> >>> 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk >>> 14 votes news.groups.proposals >>> >>>Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a >>>group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious >>>has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good >>>fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you >>>together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be >>>very long. >>> >>>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet >>>Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three >>>ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded. >>>Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot >>>for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but >>>for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded >>>paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed >>>valid and counted. >>> >>>See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round >>>of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and >>>all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy! >>> >>>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner, >>>Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska! >>> >>><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'" >>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg >>></music> > > >Can Llewdellen be nominated again for May? Of course! -- W "Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them." . | ,. w , \|/ \|/ Perna condita delenda est ---^----^--------------------------------------------------------------- |
Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
On Wed, 09 May 2007 07:06:30 GMT, §qu@re Wheels
<ouzo-uzi@drunken_aim.net> boggled at how lame the Kooks are these days, then wrote: >On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig, Bob >Officer did state: > >> On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks, >> Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote: >> >>><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare" >>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ >>></music> >>> >>>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook >>>Awards. Envelopes, please! >>> >>><music>drumroll</music> >>> >>>KOOK OF THE MONTH >>> >>> The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY! >>> >>> 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy >>> 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II >>> 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com >>> 01 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain >>>has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally >>>won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook! >>> >>>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 20 votes Gerald C Newton >>> 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads >>> 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup >>> 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to >>>inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is >>>a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't >>>conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts. >>> >>>COWARD OF THE MONTH >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska >>> 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young >>> 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> 01 votes Linda Gore >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough >>>campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider >>>since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know >>>what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock >>>it off. Funny how that works. >>> >>>LOONEY MAROON AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 19 votes Gerald C Newton >>> 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness" >>> 05 votes Linda Gore >>> 01 votes Salvador Astucia >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the >>>silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in >>>the web-hosting company doing? >>> >>>GOLDEN KILLFILE >>> >>> The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK! >>> >>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk >>> 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard" >>> 05 votes Dirk Bruere >>> 03 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your >>>companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to >>>make your poasts disappear as well. >>> >>>JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS! >>> >>> 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps >>> 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness" >>> 01 votes Respondant >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile >>>showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever. >>>Now, back into your cell! >>> >>>BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 28 votes Gerald C. Newton >>> 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk >>> 01 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any >>>harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you. >>> >>>Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the... >>> >>>EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD >>> >>>"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on >>>Usenet." >>> >>>The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>>This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle, >>>but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving >>>your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker! >>> >>>PALMJOB PADDLE >>> >>> The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE! >>> >>> 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps >>> 04 votes Crash Street Kidd >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to >>>prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were >>>first confined. Some things don't change. >>> >>>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON! >>> >>> 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston >>> 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain >>> 06 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide >>>how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you >>>despise. >>> >>>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...TOM POTTER! >>> >>> 15 votes Tom Potter >>> 08 votes Greysky >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on >>>USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of >>>the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day. >>> >>>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY >>> >>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ! >>> >>> 20 votes Barbara Schwarz >>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston >>> 01 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized. >>>Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/ >>>dimension. >>> >>>GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...STEVE CHANEY! >>> >>> 12 votes Steve Chaney >>> 11 votes Linda Gore >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking >>>your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their >>>disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest- >>>beating to the contrary.. >>> >>>SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART >>> >>> The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP! >>> >>> 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup >>> 10 votes Linda Gore >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on >>>USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your >>>froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom-- >>>you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would >>>think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers >>>wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the >>>reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET. >>> >>>TAR & FEATHERS >>> >>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ! >>> >>> 14 votes Barbara Schwarz >>> 09 votes Honest John >>> 07 votes Linda Gore >>> 02 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want >>>you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with >>>you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported. >>> >>>BUSTED URINAL AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE! >>> >>> 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe >>> 07 votes Hagar >>> 01 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping >>>have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be >>>tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up >>>Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel. >>> >>>UNABOMBER SURPRISE >>> >>> The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN! >>> >>> 13 votes MCP of soc.men >>> 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard >>> 04 votes John Fields >>> 02 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"? >>> >>>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK >>> >>> The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life >>> >>> 28 votes YES >>> 03 votes NO >>> >>>Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard >>>"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were >>>among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no >>>less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your >>>idiocy becomes contageous! >>> >>>ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET >>> >>> We hace a tie! >>> >>> 14 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt >>> 14 votes Sylvia "PSYLVIA" Sullivan >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, sockpuppeteers! Your efforts at trying to hide >>>yourselves, however transparently, have finally been recognized--PSYLVIA >>>for her morphing, and Howdy for using an array of self-promoting identities >>>to post about himself both on USENET and on guestbooks and comment pages. >>> >>>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL! >>> >>> 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel >>> 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat >>> 00 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi >>>who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has >>>faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for >>>years. >>> >>>EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007 >>> >>> The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG! >>> >>> 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung >>> 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> 01 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on >>>Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it >>>/twice/ now! >>> >>>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER >>> >>> The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET! >>> >>> 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART, >>> Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet >>> 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 00 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!! >>> >>>HAMMER OF THOR >>> >>>The winner is...Wally Anglesea >>> >>> 28 votes YES >>> 00 votes NO >>> >>>It's unanimous! All hail Wally!!!1!!! >>> >>>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL >>> >>> The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON! >>> >>> 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy >>> 07 votes David Tholen >>> >>>Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of >>>the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining. >>>Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding >>>crocodile tears? >>> >>>OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT >>> >>> The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL" >>> >>> 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll" >>> 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska >>> 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> >>>Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most >>>persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years. >>>Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel! >>> >>>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER >>> >>> The winner is...BRAD GUTH! >>> >>> 18 votes Brad Guth >>> 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung >>> 08 votes Linda Gore >>> >>>Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced- >>>out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office. >>>Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation. >>> >>>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS >>> >>> The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK! >>> >>> 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk >>> 14 votes news.groups.proposals >>> >>>Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a >>>group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious >>>has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good >>>fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you >>>together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be >>>very long. >>> >>>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet >>>Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three >>>ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded. >>>Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot >>>for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but >>>for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded >>>paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed >>>valid and counted. >>> >>>See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round >>>of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and >>>all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy! >>> >>>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner, >>>Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska! >>> >>><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'" >>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg >>></music> > > >Can Llewdellen be nominated again for May? Of course! -- W "Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them." . | ,. w , \|/ \|/ Perna condita delenda est ---^----^--------------------------------------------------------------- |
Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
On Wed, 09 May 2007 07:06:30 GMT, in alt.usenet.kooks, §qu@re Wheels
<ouzo-uzi@drunken_aim.net> wrote: >On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig, Bob >Officer did state: > >> On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks, >> Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote: >> >>><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare" >>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ >>></music> >>> >>>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook >>>Awards. Envelopes, please! >>> >>><music>drumroll</music> >>> >>>KOOK OF THE MONTH >>> >>> The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY! >>> >>> 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy >>> 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II >>> 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com >>> 01 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain >>>has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally >>>won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook! >>> >>>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 20 votes Gerald C Newton >>> 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads >>> 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup >>> 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to >>>inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is >>>a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't >>>conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts. >>> >>>COWARD OF THE MONTH >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska >>> 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young >>> 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> 01 votes Linda Gore >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough >>>campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider >>>since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know >>>what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock >>>it off. Funny how that works. >>> >>>LOONEY MAROON AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 19 votes Gerald C Newton >>> 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness" >>> 05 votes Linda Gore >>> 01 votes Salvador Astucia >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the >>>silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in >>>the web-hosting company doing? >>> >>>GOLDEN KILLFILE >>> >>> The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK! >>> >>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk >>> 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard" >>> 05 votes Dirk Bruere >>> 03 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your >>>companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to >>>make your poasts disappear as well. >>> >>>JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS! >>> >>> 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps >>> 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness" >>> 01 votes Respondant >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile >>>showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever. >>>Now, back into your cell! >>> >>>BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 28 votes Gerald C. Newton >>> 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk >>> 01 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any >>>harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you. >>> >>>Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the... >>> >>>EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD >>> >>>"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on >>>Usenet." >>> >>>The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>>This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle, >>>but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving >>>your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker! >>> >>>PALMJOB PADDLE >>> >>> The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE! >>> >>> 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps >>> 04 votes Crash Street Kidd >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to >>>prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were >>>first confined. Some things don't change. >>> >>>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON! >>> >>> 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston >>> 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain >>> 06 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide >>>how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you >>>despise. >>> >>>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...TOM POTTER! >>> >>> 15 votes Tom Potter >>> 08 votes Greysky >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on >>>USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of >>>the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day. >>> >>>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY >>> >>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ! >>> >>> 20 votes Barbara Schwarz >>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston >>> 01 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized. >>>Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/ >>>dimension. >>> >>>GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...STEVE CHANEY! >>> >>> 12 votes Steve Chaney >>> 11 votes Linda Gore >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking >>>your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their >>>disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest- >>>beating to the contrary.. >>> >>>SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART >>> >>> The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP! >>> >>> 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup >>> 10 votes Linda Gore >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on >>>USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your >>>froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom-- >>>you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would >>>think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers >>>wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the >>>reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET. >>> >>>TAR & FEATHERS >>> >>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ! >>> >>> 14 votes Barbara Schwarz >>> 09 votes Honest John >>> 07 votes Linda Gore >>> 02 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want >>>you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with >>>you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported. >>> >>>BUSTED URINAL AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE! >>> >>> 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe >>> 07 votes Hagar >>> 01 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping >>>have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be >>>tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up >>>Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel. >>> >>>UNABOMBER SURPRISE >>> >>> The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN! >>> >>> 13 votes MCP of soc.men >>> 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard >>> 04 votes John Fields >>> 02 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"? >>> >>>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK >>> >>> The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life >>> >>> 28 votes YES >>> 03 votes NO >>> >>>Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard >>>"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were >>>among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no >>>less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your >>>idiocy becomes contageous! >>> >>>ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET >>> >>> We hace a tie! >>> >>> 14 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt >>> 14 votes Sylvia "PSYLVIA" Sullivan >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, sockpuppeteers! Your efforts at trying to hide >>>yourselves, however transparently, have finally been recognized--PSYLVIA >>>for her morphing, and Howdy for using an array of self-promoting identities >>>to post about himself both on USENET and on guestbooks and comment pages. >>> >>>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL! >>> >>> 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel >>> 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat >>> 00 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi >>>who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has >>>faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for >>>years. >>> >>>EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007 >>> >>> The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG! >>> >>> 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung >>> 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> 01 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on >>>Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it >>>/twice/ now! >>> >>>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER >>> >>> The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET! >>> >>> 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART, >>> Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet >>> 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 00 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!! >>> >>>HAMMER OF THOR >>> >>>The winner is...Wally Anglesea >>> >>> 28 votes YES >>> 00 votes NO >>> >>>It's unanimous! All hail Wally!!!1!!! >>> >>>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL >>> >>> The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON! >>> >>> 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy >>> 07 votes David Tholen >>> >>>Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of >>>the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining. >>>Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding >>>crocodile tears? >>> >>>OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT >>> >>> The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL" >>> >>> 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll" >>> 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska >>> 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> >>>Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most >>>persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years. >>>Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel! >>> >>>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER >>> >>> The winner is...BRAD GUTH! >>> >>> 18 votes Brad Guth >>> 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung >>> 08 votes Linda Gore >>> >>>Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced- >>>out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office. >>>Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation. >>> >>>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS >>> >>> The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK! >>> >>> 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk >>> 14 votes news.groups.proposals >>> >>>Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a >>>group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious >>>has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good >>>fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you >>>together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be >>>very long. >>> >>>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet >>>Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three >>>ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded. >>>Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot >>>for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but >>>for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded >>>paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed >>>valid and counted. >>> >>>See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round >>>of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and >>>all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy! >>> >>>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner, >>>Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska! >>> >>><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'" >>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg >>></music> > > >Can Llewdellen be nominated again for May? I posted comments about it, down thread. I believe Llewdellen could be nominated for mast all of the awards. saturation. I also think he should also be nominated. -- Bob Officer COOSN-266-06-01986 Hammer of Thor, Sept 2005 |
Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
On Wed, 09 May 2007 07:06:30 GMT, in alt.usenet.kooks, §qu@re Wheels
<ouzo-uzi@drunken_aim.net> wrote: >On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig, Bob >Officer did state: > >> On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks, >> Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote: >> >>><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare" >>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ >>></music> >>> >>>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook >>>Awards. Envelopes, please! >>> >>><music>drumroll</music> >>> >>>KOOK OF THE MONTH >>> >>> The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY! >>> >>> 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy >>> 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II >>> 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com >>> 01 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain >>>has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally >>>won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook! >>> >>>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 20 votes Gerald C Newton >>> 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads >>> 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup >>> 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to >>>inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is >>>a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't >>>conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts. >>> >>>COWARD OF THE MONTH >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska >>> 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young >>> 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> 01 votes Linda Gore >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough >>>campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider >>>since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know >>>what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock >>>it off. Funny how that works. >>> >>>LOONEY MAROON AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 19 votes Gerald C Newton >>> 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness" >>> 05 votes Linda Gore >>> 01 votes Salvador Astucia >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the >>>silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in >>>the web-hosting company doing? >>> >>>GOLDEN KILLFILE >>> >>> The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK! >>> >>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk >>> 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard" >>> 05 votes Dirk Bruere >>> 03 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your >>>companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to >>>make your poasts disappear as well. >>> >>>JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS! >>> >>> 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps >>> 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness" >>> 01 votes Respondant >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile >>>showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever. >>>Now, back into your cell! >>> >>>BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 28 votes Gerald C. Newton >>> 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk >>> 01 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any >>>harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you. >>> >>>Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the... >>> >>>EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD >>> >>>"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on >>>Usenet." >>> >>>The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>>This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle, >>>but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving >>>your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker! >>> >>>PALMJOB PADDLE >>> >>> The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE! >>> >>> 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps >>> 04 votes Crash Street Kidd >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to >>>prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were >>>first confined. Some things don't change. >>> >>>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON! >>> >>> 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston >>> 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain >>> 06 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide >>>how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you >>>despise. >>> >>>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...TOM POTTER! >>> >>> 15 votes Tom Potter >>> 08 votes Greysky >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on >>>USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of >>>the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day. >>> >>>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY >>> >>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ! >>> >>> 20 votes Barbara Schwarz >>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston >>> 01 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized. >>>Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/ >>>dimension. >>> >>>GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...STEVE CHANEY! >>> >>> 12 votes Steve Chaney >>> 11 votes Linda Gore >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking >>>your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their >>>disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest- >>>beating to the contrary.. >>> >>>SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART >>> >>> The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP! >>> >>> 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup >>> 10 votes Linda Gore >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on >>>USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your >>>froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom-- >>>you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would >>>think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers >>>wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the >>>reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET. >>> >>>TAR & FEATHERS >>> >>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ! >>> >>> 14 votes Barbara Schwarz >>> 09 votes Honest John >>> 07 votes Linda Gore >>> 02 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want >>>you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with >>>you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported. >>> >>>BUSTED URINAL AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE! >>> >>> 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe >>> 07 votes Hagar >>> 01 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping >>>have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be >>>tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up >>>Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel. >>> >>>UNABOMBER SURPRISE >>> >>> The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN! >>> >>> 13 votes MCP of soc.men >>> 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard >>> 04 votes John Fields >>> 02 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"? >>> >>>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK >>> >>> The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life >>> >>> 28 votes YES >>> 03 votes NO >>> >>>Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard >>>"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were >>>among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no >>>less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your >>>idiocy becomes contageous! >>> >>>ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET >>> >>> We hace a tie! >>> >>> 14 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt >>> 14 votes Sylvia "PSYLVIA" Sullivan >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, sockpuppeteers! Your efforts at trying to hide >>>yourselves, however transparently, have finally been recognized--PSYLVIA >>>for her morphing, and Howdy for using an array of self-promoting identities >>>to post about himself both on USENET and on guestbooks and comment pages. >>> >>>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL! >>> >>> 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel >>> 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat >>> 00 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi >>>who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has >>>faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for >>>years. >>> >>>EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007 >>> >>> The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG! >>> >>> 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung >>> 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> 01 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on >>>Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it >>>/twice/ now! >>> >>>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER >>> >>> The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET! >>> >>> 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART, >>> Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet >>> 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 00 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!! >>> >>>HAMMER OF THOR >>> >>>The winner is...Wally Anglesea >>> >>> 28 votes YES >>> 00 votes NO >>> >>>It's unanimous! All hail Wally!!!1!!! >>> >>>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL >>> >>> The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON! >>> >>> 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy >>> 07 votes David Tholen >>> >>>Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of >>>the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining. >>>Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding >>>crocodile tears? >>> >>>OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT >>> >>> The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL" >>> >>> 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll" >>> 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska >>> 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> >>>Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most >>>persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years. >>>Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel! >>> >>>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER >>> >>> The winner is...BRAD GUTH! >>> >>> 18 votes Brad Guth >>> 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung >>> 08 votes Linda Gore >>> >>>Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced- >>>out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office. >>>Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation. >>> >>>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS >>> >>> The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK! >>> >>> 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk >>> 14 votes news.groups.proposals >>> >>>Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a >>>group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious >>>has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good >>>fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you >>>together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be >>>very long. >>> >>>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet >>>Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three >>>ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded. >>>Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot >>>for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but >>>for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded >>>paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed >>>valid and counted. >>> >>>See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round >>>of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and >>>all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy! >>> >>>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner, >>>Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska! >>> >>><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'" >>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg >>></music> > > >Can Llewdellen be nominated again for May? I posted comments about it, down thread. I believe Llewdellen could be nominated for mast all of the awards. saturation. I also think he should also be nominated. -- Bob Officer COOSN-266-06-01986 Hammer of Thor, Sept 2005 |
Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
On Wed, 09 May 2007 07:06:30 GMT, in alt.usenet.kooks, §qu@re Wheels
<ouzo-uzi@drunken_aim.net> wrote: >On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig, Bob >Officer did state: > >> On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks, >> Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote: >> >>><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare" >>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ >>></music> >>> >>>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook >>>Awards. Envelopes, please! >>> >>><music>drumroll</music> >>> >>>KOOK OF THE MONTH >>> >>> The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY! >>> >>> 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy >>> 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II >>> 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com >>> 01 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain >>>has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally >>>won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook! >>> >>>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 20 votes Gerald C Newton >>> 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads >>> 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup >>> 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to >>>inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is >>>a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't >>>conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts. >>> >>>COWARD OF THE MONTH >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska >>> 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young >>> 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> 01 votes Linda Gore >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough >>>campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider >>>since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know >>>what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock >>>it off. Funny how that works. >>> >>>LOONEY MAROON AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 19 votes Gerald C Newton >>> 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness" >>> 05 votes Linda Gore >>> 01 votes Salvador Astucia >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the >>>silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in >>>the web-hosting company doing? >>> >>>GOLDEN KILLFILE >>> >>> The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK! >>> >>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk >>> 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard" >>> 05 votes Dirk Bruere >>> 03 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your >>>companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to >>>make your poasts disappear as well. >>> >>>JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS! >>> >>> 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps >>> 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness" >>> 01 votes Respondant >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile >>>showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever. >>>Now, back into your cell! >>> >>>BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 28 votes Gerald C. Newton >>> 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk >>> 01 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any >>>harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you. >>> >>>Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the... >>> >>>EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD >>> >>>"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on >>>Usenet." >>> >>>The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>>This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle, >>>but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving >>>your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker! >>> >>>PALMJOB PADDLE >>> >>> The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE! >>> >>> 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps >>> 04 votes Crash Street Kidd >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to >>>prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were >>>first confined. Some things don't change. >>> >>>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON! >>> >>> 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston >>> 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain >>> 06 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide >>>how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you >>>despise. >>> >>>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...TOM POTTER! >>> >>> 15 votes Tom Potter >>> 08 votes Greysky >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on >>>USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of >>>the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day. >>> >>>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY >>> >>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ! >>> >>> 20 votes Barbara Schwarz >>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston >>> 01 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized. >>>Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/ >>>dimension. >>> >>>GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...STEVE CHANEY! >>> >>> 12 votes Steve Chaney >>> 11 votes Linda Gore >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking >>>your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their >>>disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest- >>>beating to the contrary.. >>> >>>SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART >>> >>> The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP! >>> >>> 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup >>> 10 votes Linda Gore >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on >>>USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your >>>froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom-- >>>you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would >>>think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers >>>wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the >>>reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET. >>> >>>TAR & FEATHERS >>> >>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ! >>> >>> 14 votes Barbara Schwarz >>> 09 votes Honest John >>> 07 votes Linda Gore >>> 02 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want >>>you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with >>>you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported. >>> >>>BUSTED URINAL AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE! >>> >>> 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe >>> 07 votes Hagar >>> 01 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping >>>have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be >>>tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up >>>Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel. >>> >>>UNABOMBER SURPRISE >>> >>> The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN! >>> >>> 13 votes MCP of soc.men >>> 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard >>> 04 votes John Fields >>> 02 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"? >>> >>>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK >>> >>> The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life >>> >>> 28 votes YES >>> 03 votes NO >>> >>>Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard >>>"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were >>>among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no >>>less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your >>>idiocy becomes contageous! >>> >>>ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET >>> >>> We hace a tie! >>> >>> 14 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt >>> 14 votes Sylvia "PSYLVIA" Sullivan >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, sockpuppeteers! Your efforts at trying to hide >>>yourselves, however transparently, have finally been recognized--PSYLVIA >>>for her morphing, and Howdy for using an array of self-promoting identities >>>to post about himself both on USENET and on guestbooks and comment pages. >>> >>>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL! >>> >>> 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel >>> 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat >>> 00 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi >>>who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has >>>faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for >>>years. >>> >>>EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007 >>> >>> The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG! >>> >>> 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung >>> 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> 01 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on >>>Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it >>>/twice/ now! >>> >>>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER >>> >>> The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET! >>> >>> 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART, >>> Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet >>> 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 00 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!! >>> >>>HAMMER OF THOR >>> >>>The winner is...Wally Anglesea >>> >>> 28 votes YES >>> 00 votes NO >>> >>>It's unanimous! All hail Wally!!!1!!! >>> >>>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL >>> >>> The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON! >>> >>> 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy >>> 07 votes David Tholen >>> >>>Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of >>>the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining. >>>Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding >>>crocodile tears? >>> >>>OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT >>> >>> The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL" >>> >>> 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll" >>> 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska >>> 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> >>>Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most >>>persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years. >>>Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel! >>> >>>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER >>> >>> The winner is...BRAD GUTH! >>> >>> 18 votes Brad Guth >>> 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung >>> 08 votes Linda Gore >>> >>>Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced- >>>out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office. >>>Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation. >>> >>>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS >>> >>> The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK! >>> >>> 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk >>> 14 votes news.groups.proposals >>> >>>Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a >>>group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious >>>has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good >>>fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you >>>together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be >>>very long. >>> >>>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet >>>Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three >>>ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded. >>>Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot >>>for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but >>>for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded >>>paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed >>>valid and counted. >>> >>>See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round >>>of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and >>>all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy! >>> >>>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner, >>>Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska! >>> >>><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'" >>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg >>></music> > > >Can Llewdellen be nominated again for May? I posted comments about it, down thread. I believe Llewdellen could be nominated for mast all of the awards. saturation. I also think he should also be nominated. -- Bob Officer COOSN-266-06-01986 Hammer of Thor, Sept 2005 |
Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
On Wed, 09 May 2007 07:06:30 GMT, in alt.usenet.kooks, §qu@re Wheels
<ouzo-uzi@drunken_aim.net> wrote: >On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig, Bob >Officer did state: > >> On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks, >> Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote: >> >>><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare" >>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ >>></music> >>> >>>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook >>>Awards. Envelopes, please! >>> >>><music>drumroll</music> >>> >>>KOOK OF THE MONTH >>> >>> The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY! >>> >>> 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy >>> 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II >>> 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com >>> 01 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain >>>has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally >>>won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook! >>> >>>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 20 votes Gerald C Newton >>> 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads >>> 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup >>> 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to >>>inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is >>>a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't >>>conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts. >>> >>>COWARD OF THE MONTH >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska >>> 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young >>> 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> 01 votes Linda Gore >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough >>>campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider >>>since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know >>>what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock >>>it off. Funny how that works. >>> >>>LOONEY MAROON AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 19 votes Gerald C Newton >>> 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness" >>> 05 votes Linda Gore >>> 01 votes Salvador Astucia >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the >>>silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in >>>the web-hosting company doing? >>> >>>GOLDEN KILLFILE >>> >>> The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK! >>> >>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk >>> 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard" >>> 05 votes Dirk Bruere >>> 03 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your >>>companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to >>>make your poasts disappear as well. >>> >>>JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS! >>> >>> 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps >>> 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness" >>> 01 votes Respondant >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile >>>showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever. >>>Now, back into your cell! >>> >>>BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 28 votes Gerald C. Newton >>> 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk >>> 01 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any >>>harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you. >>> >>>Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the... >>> >>>EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD >>> >>>"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on >>>Usenet." >>> >>>The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>>This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle, >>>but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving >>>your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker! >>> >>>PALMJOB PADDLE >>> >>> The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE! >>> >>> 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps >>> 04 votes Crash Street Kidd >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to >>>prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were >>>first confined. Some things don't change. >>> >>>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON! >>> >>> 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston >>> 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain >>> 06 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide >>>how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you >>>despise. >>> >>>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...TOM POTTER! >>> >>> 15 votes Tom Potter >>> 08 votes Greysky >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on >>>USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of >>>the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day. >>> >>>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY >>> >>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ! >>> >>> 20 votes Barbara Schwarz >>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston >>> 01 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized. >>>Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/ >>>dimension. >>> >>>GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...STEVE CHANEY! >>> >>> 12 votes Steve Chaney >>> 11 votes Linda Gore >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking >>>your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their >>>disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest- >>>beating to the contrary.. >>> >>>SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART >>> >>> The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP! >>> >>> 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup >>> 10 votes Linda Gore >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on >>>USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your >>>froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom-- >>>you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would >>>think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers >>>wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the >>>reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET. >>> >>>TAR & FEATHERS >>> >>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ! >>> >>> 14 votes Barbara Schwarz >>> 09 votes Honest John >>> 07 votes Linda Gore >>> 02 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want >>>you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with >>>you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported. >>> >>>BUSTED URINAL AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE! >>> >>> 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe >>> 07 votes Hagar >>> 01 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping >>>have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be >>>tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up >>>Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel. >>> >>>UNABOMBER SURPRISE >>> >>> The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN! >>> >>> 13 votes MCP of soc.men >>> 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard >>> 04 votes John Fields >>> 02 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"? >>> >>>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK >>> >>> The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life >>> >>> 28 votes YES >>> 03 votes NO >>> >>>Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard >>>"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were >>>among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no >>>less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your >>>idiocy becomes contageous! >>> >>>ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET >>> >>> We hace a tie! >>> >>> 14 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt >>> 14 votes Sylvia "PSYLVIA" Sullivan >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, sockpuppeteers! Your efforts at trying to hide >>>yourselves, however transparently, have finally been recognized--PSYLVIA >>>for her morphing, and Howdy for using an array of self-promoting identities >>>to post about himself both on USENET and on guestbooks and comment pages. >>> >>>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL! >>> >>> 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel >>> 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat >>> 00 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi >>>who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has >>>faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for >>>years. >>> >>>EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007 >>> >>> The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG! >>> >>> 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung >>> 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> 01 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on >>>Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it >>>/twice/ now! >>> >>>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER >>> >>> The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET! >>> >>> 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART, >>> Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet >>> 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 00 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!! >>> >>>HAMMER OF THOR >>> >>>The winner is...Wally Anglesea >>> >>> 28 votes YES >>> 00 votes NO >>> >>>It's unanimous! All hail Wally!!!1!!! >>> >>>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL >>> >>> The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON! >>> >>> 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy >>> 07 votes David Tholen >>> >>>Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of >>>the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining. >>>Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding >>>crocodile tears? >>> >>>OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT >>> >>> The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL" >>> >>> 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll" >>> 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska >>> 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> >>>Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most >>>persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years. >>>Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel! >>> >>>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER >>> >>> The winner is...BRAD GUTH! >>> >>> 18 votes Brad Guth >>> 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung >>> 08 votes Linda Gore >>> >>>Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced- >>>out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office. >>>Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation. >>> >>>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS >>> >>> The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK! >>> >>> 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk >>> 14 votes news.groups.proposals >>> >>>Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a >>>group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious >>>has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good >>>fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you >>>together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be >>>very long. >>> >>>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet >>>Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three >>>ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded. >>>Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot >>>for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but >>>for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded >>>paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed >>>valid and counted. >>> >>>See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round >>>of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and >>>all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy! >>> >>>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner, >>>Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska! >>> >>><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'" >>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg >>></music> > > >Can Llewdellen be nominated again for May? I posted comments about it, down thread. I believe Llewdellen could be nominated for mast all of the awards. saturation. I also think he should also be nominated. -- Bob Officer COOSN-266-06-01986 Hammer of Thor, Sept 2005 |
Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig,
Lionel did state: > Of course! "A'wunnerful, a'wunnerful!" -- Stan Freberg Well, I'll be voting! -- In some circumstances, the refusal to be defeated is a refusal to be educated. -Margaret Halsey, novelist (1910-1997) |
Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig,
Lionel did state: > Of course! "A'wunnerful, a'wunnerful!" -- Stan Freberg Well, I'll be voting! -- In some circumstances, the refusal to be defeated is a refusal to be educated. -Margaret Halsey, novelist (1910-1997) |
Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig,
Lionel did state: > Of course! "A'wunnerful, a'wunnerful!" -- Stan Freberg Well, I'll be voting! -- In some circumstances, the refusal to be defeated is a refusal to be educated. -Margaret Halsey, novelist (1910-1997) |
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