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Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks,
Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote: ><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare" >http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ ></music> > >The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook >Awards. Envelopes, please! > ><music>drumroll</music> > >KOOK OF THE MONTH > > The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY! > > 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy > 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II > 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com > 01 votes None of the above > >Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain >has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally >won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook! > >CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH > > The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! > > 20 votes Gerald C Newton > 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads > 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup > 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men > 00 votes None of the above > >Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to >inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is >a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't >conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts. > >COWARD OF THE MONTH > > The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! > > 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska > 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young > 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston > 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life > 01 votes Linda Gore > 00 votes None of the above > >Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough >campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider >since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know >what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock >it off. Funny how that works. > >LOONEY MAROON AWARD > > The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! > > 19 votes Gerald C Newton > 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness" > 05 votes Linda Gore > 01 votes Salvador Astucia > 00 votes None of the above > >Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the >silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in >the web-hosting company doing? > >GOLDEN KILLFILE > > The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK! > > 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk > 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard" > 05 votes Dirk Bruere > 03 votes None of the above > >Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your >companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to >make your poasts disappear as well. > >JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD > > The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS! > > 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps > 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness" > 01 votes Respondant > 00 votes None of the above > >Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile >showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever. >Now, back into your cell! > >BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER > > The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! > > 28 votes Gerald C. Newton > 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk > 01 votes Neither of the above > >Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any >harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you. > >Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the... > >EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD > >"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on >Usenet." > >The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! > >This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle, >but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving >your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker! > >PALMJOB PADDLE > > The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE! > > 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life > 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps > 04 votes Crash Street Kidd > 00 votes None of the above > >Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to >prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were >first confined. Some things don't change. > >TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD > > The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON! > > 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston > 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain > 06 votes Neither of the above > >Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide >how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you >despise. > >VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD > > The winner is...TOM POTTER! > > 15 votes Tom Potter > 08 votes Greysky > 02 votes Neither of the above > >Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on >USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of >the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day. > >GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY > > The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ! > > 20 votes Barbara Schwarz > 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston > 01 votes Neither of the above > >Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized. >Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/ >dimension. > >GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD > > The winner is...STEVE CHANEY! > > 12 votes Steve Chaney > 11 votes Linda Gore > 02 votes Neither of the above > >Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking >your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their >disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest- >beating to the contrary.. > >SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART > > The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP! > > 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup > 10 votes Linda Gore > 02 votes Neither of the above > >What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on >USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your >froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom-- >you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would >think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers >wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the >reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET. > >TAR & FEATHERS > > The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ! > > 14 votes Barbara Schwarz > 09 votes Honest John > 07 votes Linda Gore > 02 votes None of the above > >Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want >you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with >you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported. > >BUSTED URINAL AWARD > > The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE! > > 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe > 07 votes Hagar > 01 votes Neither of the above > >Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping >have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be >tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up >Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel. > >UNABOMBER SURPRISE > > The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN! > > 13 votes MCP of soc.men > 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard > 04 votes John Fields > 02 votes None of the above > >Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"? > >BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK > > The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life > > 28 votes YES > 03 votes NO > >Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard >"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were >among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no >less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your >idiocy becomes contageous! > >ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET > > We hace a tie! > > 14 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt > 14 votes Sylvia "PSYLVIA" Sullivan > 02 votes Neither of the above > >Congratulations, sockpuppeteers! Your efforts at trying to hide >yourselves, however transparently, have finally been recognized--PSYLVIA >for her morphing, and Howdy for using an array of self-promoting identities >to post about himself both on USENET and on guestbooks and comment pages. > >BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD > > The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL! > > 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel > 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat > 00 votes Neither of the above > >Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi >who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has >faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for >years. > >EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007 > > The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG! > > 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung > 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston > 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life > 01 votes None of the above > >Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on >Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it >/twice/ now! > >PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER > > The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET! > > 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART, > Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet > 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston > 00 votes Neither of the above > >Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!! > >HAMMER OF THOR > >The winner is...Wally Anglesea > > 28 votes YES > 00 votes NO > >It's unanimous! All hail Wally!!!1!!! > >OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL > > The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON! > > 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston > 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy > 07 votes David Tholen > >Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of >the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining. >Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding >crocodile tears? > >OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT > > The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL" > > 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll" > 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska > 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life > >Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most >persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years. >Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel! > >KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER > > The winner is...BRAD GUTH! > > 18 votes Brad Guth > 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung > 08 votes Linda Gore > >Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced- >out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office. >Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation. > >MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS > > The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK! > > 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk > 14 votes news.groups.proposals > >Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a >group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious >has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good >fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you >together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be >very long. > >This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet >Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three >ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded. >Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot >for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but >for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded >paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed >valid and counted. > >See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round >of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and >all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy! > >And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner, >Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska! > ><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'" >http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg ></music> -- Bob Officer COOSN-266-06-01986 Hammer of Thor, Sept 2005 |
Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
This is that little coward too afraid to use it's name and address,
who's only way to get attention is to make a fool of it's self. With an obsession with goats, and other faggots, and writes via remailers, and cross posts to other perverts to no one's surprise. With extreme jealous ranting over my documents, possessions, successes, manliness and super Southern California body. What a pity! God Bless America, Bill O|||||||O mailto:-------------------- http://www.----------.com/ "Bob Officer" <bobofficers@127.0.0.7> wrote in message news:9rr243h62ia2ae9qih6jlojj2hnhseb62k@4ax.com ><nothing of interest> -- Posted via a free Usenet account from http://www.teranews.com |
Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
This is that little coward too afraid to use it's name and address,
who's only way to get attention is to make a fool of it's self. With an obsession with goats, and other faggots, and writes via remailers, and cross posts to other perverts to no one's surprise. With extreme jealous ranting over my documents, possessions, successes, manliness and super Southern California body. What a pity! God Bless America, Bill O|||||||O mailto:-------------------- http://www.----------.com/ "Bob Officer" <bobofficers@127.0.0.7> wrote in message news:9rr243h62ia2ae9qih6jlojj2hnhseb62k@4ax.com ><nothing of interest> -- Posted via a free Usenet account from http://www.teranews.com |
Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
This is that little coward too afraid to use it's name and address,
who's only way to get attention is to make a fool of it's self. With an obsession with goats, and other faggots, and writes via remailers, and cross posts to other perverts to no one's surprise. With extreme jealous ranting over my documents, possessions, successes, manliness and super Southern California body. What a pity! God Bless America, Bill O|||||||O mailto:-------------------- http://www.----------.com/ "Bob Officer" <bobofficers@127.0.0.7> wrote in message news:9rr243h62ia2ae9qih6jlojj2hnhseb62k@4ax.com ><nothing of interest> -- Posted via a free Usenet account from http://www.teranews.com |
Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
This is that little coward too afraid to use it's name and address,
who's only way to get attention is to make a fool of it's self. With an obsession with goats, and other faggots, and writes via remailers, and cross posts to other perverts to no one's surprise. With extreme jealous ranting over my documents, possessions, successes, manliness and super Southern California body. What a pity! God Bless America, Bill O|||||||O mailto:-------------------- http://www.----------.com/ "Bob Officer" <bobofficers@127.0.0.7> wrote in message news:9rr243h62ia2ae9qih6jlojj2hnhseb62k@4ax.com ><nothing of interest> -- Posted via a free Usenet account from http://www.teranews.com |
Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig, Bob
Officer did state: > On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks, > Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote: > >><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare" >>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ >></music> >> >>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook >>Awards. Envelopes, please! >> >><music>drumroll</music> >> >>KOOK OF THE MONTH >> >> The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY! >> >> 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy >> 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II >> 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com >> 01 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain >>has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally >>won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook! >> >>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH >> >> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >> >> 20 votes Gerald C Newton >> 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads >> 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup >> 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men >> 00 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to >>inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is >>a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't >>conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts. >> >>COWARD OF THE MONTH >> >> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >> >> 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska >> 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young >> 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >> 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life >> 01 votes Linda Gore >> 00 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough >>campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider >>since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know >>what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock >>it off. Funny how that works. >> >>LOONEY MAROON AWARD >> >> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >> >> 19 votes Gerald C Newton >> 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness" >> 05 votes Linda Gore >> 01 votes Salvador Astucia >> 00 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the >>silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in >>the web-hosting company doing? >> >>GOLDEN KILLFILE >> >> The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK! >> >> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk >> 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard" >> 05 votes Dirk Bruere >> 03 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your >>companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to >>make your poasts disappear as well. >> >>JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD >> >> The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS! >> >> 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps >> 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness" >> 01 votes Respondant >> 00 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile >>showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever. >>Now, back into your cell! >> >>BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER >> >> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >> >> 28 votes Gerald C. Newton >> 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk >> 01 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any >>harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you. >> >>Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the... >> >>EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD >> >>"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on >>Usenet." >> >>The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >> >>This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle, >>but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving >>your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker! >> >>PALMJOB PADDLE >> >> The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE! >> >> 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life >> 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps >> 04 votes Crash Street Kidd >> 00 votes None of the above >> >>Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to >>prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were >>first confined. Some things don't change. >> >>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD >> >> The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON! >> >> 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston >> 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain >> 06 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide >>how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you >>despise. >> >>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD >> >> The winner is...TOM POTTER! >> >> 15 votes Tom Potter >> 08 votes Greysky >> 02 votes Neither of the above >> >>Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on >>USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of >>the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day. >> >>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY >> >> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ! >> >> 20 votes Barbara Schwarz >> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston >> 01 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized. >>Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/ >>dimension. >> >>GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD >> >> The winner is...STEVE CHANEY! >> >> 12 votes Steve Chaney >> 11 votes Linda Gore >> 02 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking >>your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their >>disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest- >>beating to the contrary.. >> >>SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART >> >> The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP! >> >> 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup >> 10 votes Linda Gore >> 02 votes Neither of the above >> >>What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on >>USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your >>froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom-- >>you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would >>think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers >>wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the >>reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET. >> >>TAR & FEATHERS >> >> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ! >> >> 14 votes Barbara Schwarz >> 09 votes Honest John >> 07 votes Linda Gore >> 02 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want >>you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with >>you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported. >> >>BUSTED URINAL AWARD >> >> The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE! >> >> 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe >> 07 votes Hagar >> 01 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping >>have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be >>tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up >>Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel. >> >>UNABOMBER SURPRISE >> >> The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN! >> >> 13 votes MCP of soc.men >> 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard >> 04 votes John Fields >> 02 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"? >> >>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK >> >> The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life >> >> 28 votes YES >> 03 votes NO >> >>Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard >>"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were >>among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no >>less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your >>idiocy becomes contageous! >> >>ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET >> >> We hace a tie! >> >> 14 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt >> 14 votes Sylvia "PSYLVIA" Sullivan >> 02 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations, sockpuppeteers! Your efforts at trying to hide >>yourselves, however transparently, have finally been recognized--PSYLVIA >>for her morphing, and Howdy for using an array of self-promoting identities >>to post about himself both on USENET and on guestbooks and comment pages. >> >>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD >> >> The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL! >> >> 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel >> 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat >> 00 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi >>who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has >>faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for >>years. >> >>EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007 >> >> The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG! >> >> 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung >> 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >> 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life >> 01 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on >>Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it >>/twice/ now! >> >>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER >> >> The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET! >> >> 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART, >> Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet >> 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston >> 00 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!! >> >>HAMMER OF THOR >> >>The winner is...Wally Anglesea >> >> 28 votes YES >> 00 votes NO >> >>It's unanimous! All hail Wally!!!1!!! >> >>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL >> >> The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON! >> >> 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >> 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy >> 07 votes David Tholen >> >>Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of >>the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining. >>Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding >>crocodile tears? >> >>OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT >> >> The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL" >> >> 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll" >> 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska >> 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life >> >>Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most >>persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years. >>Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel! >> >>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER >> >> The winner is...BRAD GUTH! >> >> 18 votes Brad Guth >> 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung >> 08 votes Linda Gore >> >>Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced- >>out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office. >>Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation. >> >>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS >> >> The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK! >> >> 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk >> 14 votes news.groups.proposals >> >>Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a >>group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious >>has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good >>fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you >>together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be >>very long. >> >>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet >>Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three >>ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded. >>Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot >>for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but >>for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded >>paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed >>valid and counted. >> >>See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round >>of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and >>all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy! >> >>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner, >>Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska! >> >><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'" >>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg >></music> Can Llewdellen be nominated again for May? -- In some circumstances, the refusal to be defeated is a refusal to be educated. -Margaret Halsey, novelist (1910-1997) |
Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig, Bob
Officer did state: > On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks, > Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote: > >><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare" >>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ >></music> >> >>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook >>Awards. Envelopes, please! >> >><music>drumroll</music> >> >>KOOK OF THE MONTH >> >> The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY! >> >> 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy >> 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II >> 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com >> 01 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain >>has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally >>won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook! >> >>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH >> >> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >> >> 20 votes Gerald C Newton >> 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads >> 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup >> 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men >> 00 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to >>inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is >>a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't >>conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts. >> >>COWARD OF THE MONTH >> >> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >> >> 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska >> 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young >> 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >> 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life >> 01 votes Linda Gore >> 00 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough >>campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider >>since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know >>what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock >>it off. Funny how that works. >> >>LOONEY MAROON AWARD >> >> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >> >> 19 votes Gerald C Newton >> 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness" >> 05 votes Linda Gore >> 01 votes Salvador Astucia >> 00 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the >>silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in >>the web-hosting company doing? >> >>GOLDEN KILLFILE >> >> The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK! >> >> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk >> 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard" >> 05 votes Dirk Bruere >> 03 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your >>companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to >>make your poasts disappear as well. >> >>JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD >> >> The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS! >> >> 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps >> 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness" >> 01 votes Respondant >> 00 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile >>showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever. >>Now, back into your cell! >> >>BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER >> >> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >> >> 28 votes Gerald C. Newton >> 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk >> 01 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any >>harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you. >> >>Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the... >> >>EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD >> >>"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on >>Usenet." >> >>The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >> >>This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle, >>but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving >>your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker! >> >>PALMJOB PADDLE >> >> The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE! >> >> 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life >> 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps >> 04 votes Crash Street Kidd >> 00 votes None of the above >> >>Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to >>prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were >>first confined. Some things don't change. >> >>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD >> >> The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON! >> >> 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston >> 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain >> 06 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide >>how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you >>despise. >> >>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD >> >> The winner is...TOM POTTER! >> >> 15 votes Tom Potter >> 08 votes Greysky >> 02 votes Neither of the above >> >>Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on >>USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of >>the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day. >> >>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY >> >> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ! >> >> 20 votes Barbara Schwarz >> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston >> 01 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized. >>Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/ >>dimension. >> >>GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD >> >> The winner is...STEVE CHANEY! >> >> 12 votes Steve Chaney >> 11 votes Linda Gore >> 02 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking >>your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their >>disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest- >>beating to the contrary.. >> >>SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART >> >> The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP! >> >> 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup >> 10 votes Linda Gore >> 02 votes Neither of the above >> >>What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on >>USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your >>froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom-- >>you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would >>think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers >>wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the >>reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET. >> >>TAR & FEATHERS >> >> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ! >> >> 14 votes Barbara Schwarz >> 09 votes Honest John >> 07 votes Linda Gore >> 02 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want >>you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with >>you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported. >> >>BUSTED URINAL AWARD >> >> The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE! >> >> 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe >> 07 votes Hagar >> 01 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping >>have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be >>tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up >>Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel. >> >>UNABOMBER SURPRISE >> >> The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN! >> >> 13 votes MCP of soc.men >> 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard >> 04 votes John Fields >> 02 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"? >> >>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK >> >> The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life >> >> 28 votes YES >> 03 votes NO >> >>Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard >>"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were >>among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no >>less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your >>idiocy becomes contageous! >> >>ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET >> >> We hace a tie! >> >> 14 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt >> 14 votes Sylvia "PSYLVIA" Sullivan >> 02 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations, sockpuppeteers! Your efforts at trying to hide >>yourselves, however transparently, have finally been recognized--PSYLVIA >>for her morphing, and Howdy for using an array of self-promoting identities >>to post about himself both on USENET and on guestbooks and comment pages. >> >>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD >> >> The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL! >> >> 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel >> 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat >> 00 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi >>who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has >>faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for >>years. >> >>EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007 >> >> The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG! >> >> 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung >> 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >> 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life >> 01 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on >>Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it >>/twice/ now! >> >>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER >> >> The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET! >> >> 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART, >> Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet >> 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston >> 00 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!! >> >>HAMMER OF THOR >> >>The winner is...Wally Anglesea >> >> 28 votes YES >> 00 votes NO >> >>It's unanimous! All hail Wally!!!1!!! >> >>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL >> >> The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON! >> >> 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >> 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy >> 07 votes David Tholen >> >>Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of >>the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining. >>Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding >>crocodile tears? >> >>OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT >> >> The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL" >> >> 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll" >> 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska >> 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life >> >>Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most >>persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years. >>Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel! >> >>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER >> >> The winner is...BRAD GUTH! >> >> 18 votes Brad Guth >> 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung >> 08 votes Linda Gore >> >>Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced- >>out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office. >>Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation. >> >>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS >> >> The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK! >> >> 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk >> 14 votes news.groups.proposals >> >>Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a >>group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious >>has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good >>fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you >>together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be >>very long. >> >>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet >>Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three >>ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded. >>Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot >>for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but >>for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded >>paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed >>valid and counted. >> >>See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round >>of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and >>all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy! >> >>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner, >>Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska! >> >><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'" >>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg >></music> Can Llewdellen be nominated again for May? -- In some circumstances, the refusal to be defeated is a refusal to be educated. -Margaret Halsey, novelist (1910-1997) |
Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig, Bob
Officer did state: > On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks, > Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote: > >><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare" >>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ >></music> >> >>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook >>Awards. Envelopes, please! >> >><music>drumroll</music> >> >>KOOK OF THE MONTH >> >> The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY! >> >> 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy >> 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II >> 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com >> 01 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain >>has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally >>won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook! >> >>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH >> >> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >> >> 20 votes Gerald C Newton >> 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads >> 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup >> 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men >> 00 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to >>inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is >>a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't >>conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts. >> >>COWARD OF THE MONTH >> >> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >> >> 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska >> 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young >> 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >> 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life >> 01 votes Linda Gore >> 00 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough >>campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider >>since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know >>what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock >>it off. Funny how that works. >> >>LOONEY MAROON AWARD >> >> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >> >> 19 votes Gerald C Newton >> 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness" >> 05 votes Linda Gore >> 01 votes Salvador Astucia >> 00 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the >>silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in >>the web-hosting company doing? >> >>GOLDEN KILLFILE >> >> The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK! >> >> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk >> 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard" >> 05 votes Dirk Bruere >> 03 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your >>companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to >>make your poasts disappear as well. >> >>JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD >> >> The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS! >> >> 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps >> 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness" >> 01 votes Respondant >> 00 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile >>showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever. >>Now, back into your cell! >> >>BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER >> >> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >> >> 28 votes Gerald C. Newton >> 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk >> 01 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any >>harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you. >> >>Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the... >> >>EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD >> >>"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on >>Usenet." >> >>The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >> >>This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle, >>but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving >>your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker! >> >>PALMJOB PADDLE >> >> The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE! >> >> 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life >> 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps >> 04 votes Crash Street Kidd >> 00 votes None of the above >> >>Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to >>prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were >>first confined. Some things don't change. >> >>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD >> >> The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON! >> >> 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston >> 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain >> 06 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide >>how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you >>despise. >> >>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD >> >> The winner is...TOM POTTER! >> >> 15 votes Tom Potter >> 08 votes Greysky >> 02 votes Neither of the above >> >>Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on >>USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of >>the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day. >> >>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY >> >> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ! >> >> 20 votes Barbara Schwarz >> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston >> 01 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized. >>Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/ >>dimension. >> >>GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD >> >> The winner is...STEVE CHANEY! >> >> 12 votes Steve Chaney >> 11 votes Linda Gore >> 02 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking >>your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their >>disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest- >>beating to the contrary.. >> >>SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART >> >> The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP! >> >> 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup >> 10 votes Linda Gore >> 02 votes Neither of the above >> >>What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on >>USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your >>froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom-- >>you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would >>think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers >>wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the >>reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET. >> >>TAR & FEATHERS >> >> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ! >> >> 14 votes Barbara Schwarz >> 09 votes Honest John >> 07 votes Linda Gore >> 02 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want >>you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with >>you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported. >> >>BUSTED URINAL AWARD >> >> The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE! >> >> 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe >> 07 votes Hagar >> 01 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping >>have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be >>tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up >>Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel. >> >>UNABOMBER SURPRISE >> >> The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN! >> >> 13 votes MCP of soc.men >> 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard >> 04 votes John Fields >> 02 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"? >> >>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK >> >> The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life >> >> 28 votes YES >> 03 votes NO >> >>Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard >>"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were >>among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no >>less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your >>idiocy becomes contageous! >> >>ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET >> >> We hace a tie! >> >> 14 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt >> 14 votes Sylvia "PSYLVIA" Sullivan >> 02 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations, sockpuppeteers! Your efforts at trying to hide >>yourselves, however transparently, have finally been recognized--PSYLVIA >>for her morphing, and Howdy for using an array of self-promoting identities >>to post about himself both on USENET and on guestbooks and comment pages. >> >>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD >> >> The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL! >> >> 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel >> 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat >> 00 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi >>who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has >>faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for >>years. >> >>EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007 >> >> The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG! >> >> 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung >> 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >> 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life >> 01 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on >>Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it >>/twice/ now! >> >>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER >> >> The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET! >> >> 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART, >> Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet >> 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston >> 00 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!! >> >>HAMMER OF THOR >> >>The winner is...Wally Anglesea >> >> 28 votes YES >> 00 votes NO >> >>It's unanimous! All hail Wally!!!1!!! >> >>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL >> >> The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON! >> >> 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >> 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy >> 07 votes David Tholen >> >>Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of >>the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining. >>Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding >>crocodile tears? >> >>OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT >> >> The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL" >> >> 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll" >> 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska >> 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life >> >>Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most >>persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years. >>Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel! >> >>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER >> >> The winner is...BRAD GUTH! >> >> 18 votes Brad Guth >> 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung >> 08 votes Linda Gore >> >>Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced- >>out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office. >>Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation. >> >>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS >> >> The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK! >> >> 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk >> 14 votes news.groups.proposals >> >>Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a >>group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious >>has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good >>fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you >>together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be >>very long. >> >>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet >>Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three >>ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded. >>Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot >>for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but >>for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded >>paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed >>valid and counted. >> >>See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round >>of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and >>all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy! >> >>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner, >>Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska! >> >><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'" >>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg >></music> Can Llewdellen be nominated again for May? -- In some circumstances, the refusal to be defeated is a refusal to be educated. -Margaret Halsey, novelist (1910-1997) |
Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig, Bob
Officer did state: > On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks, > Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote: > >><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare" >>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ >></music> >> >>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook >>Awards. Envelopes, please! >> >><music>drumroll</music> >> >>KOOK OF THE MONTH >> >> The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY! >> >> 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy >> 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II >> 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com >> 01 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain >>has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally >>won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook! >> >>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH >> >> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >> >> 20 votes Gerald C Newton >> 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads >> 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup >> 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men >> 00 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to >>inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is >>a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't >>conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts. >> >>COWARD OF THE MONTH >> >> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >> >> 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska >> 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young >> 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >> 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life >> 01 votes Linda Gore >> 00 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough >>campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider >>since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know >>what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock >>it off. Funny how that works. >> >>LOONEY MAROON AWARD >> >> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >> >> 19 votes Gerald C Newton >> 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness" >> 05 votes Linda Gore >> 01 votes Salvador Astucia >> 00 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the >>silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in >>the web-hosting company doing? >> >>GOLDEN KILLFILE >> >> The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK! >> >> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk >> 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard" >> 05 votes Dirk Bruere >> 03 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your >>companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to >>make your poasts disappear as well. >> >>JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD >> >> The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS! >> >> 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps >> 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness" >> 01 votes Respondant >> 00 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile >>showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever. >>Now, back into your cell! >> >>BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER >> >> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >> >> 28 votes Gerald C. Newton >> 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk >> 01 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any >>harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you. >> >>Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the... >> >>EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD >> >>"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on >>Usenet." >> >>The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >> >>This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle, >>but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving >>your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker! >> >>PALMJOB PADDLE >> >> The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE! >> >> 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life >> 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps >> 04 votes Crash Street Kidd >> 00 votes None of the above >> >>Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to >>prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were >>first confined. Some things don't change. >> >>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD >> >> The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON! >> >> 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston >> 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain >> 06 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide >>how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you >>despise. >> >>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD >> >> The winner is...TOM POTTER! >> >> 15 votes Tom Potter >> 08 votes Greysky >> 02 votes Neither of the above >> >>Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on >>USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of >>the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day. >> >>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY >> >> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ! >> >> 20 votes Barbara Schwarz >> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston >> 01 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized. >>Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/ >>dimension. >> >>GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD >> >> The winner is...STEVE CHANEY! >> >> 12 votes Steve Chaney >> 11 votes Linda Gore >> 02 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking >>your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their >>disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest- >>beating to the contrary.. >> >>SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART >> >> The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP! >> >> 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup >> 10 votes Linda Gore >> 02 votes Neither of the above >> >>What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on >>USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your >>froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom-- >>you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would >>think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers >>wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the >>reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET. >> >>TAR & FEATHERS >> >> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ! >> >> 14 votes Barbara Schwarz >> 09 votes Honest John >> 07 votes Linda Gore >> 02 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want >>you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with >>you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported. >> >>BUSTED URINAL AWARD >> >> The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE! >> >> 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe >> 07 votes Hagar >> 01 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping >>have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be >>tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up >>Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel. >> >>UNABOMBER SURPRISE >> >> The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN! >> >> 13 votes MCP of soc.men >> 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard >> 04 votes John Fields >> 02 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"? >> >>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK >> >> The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life >> >> 28 votes YES >> 03 votes NO >> >>Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard >>"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were >>among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no >>less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your >>idiocy becomes contageous! >> >>ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET >> >> We hace a tie! >> >> 14 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt >> 14 votes Sylvia "PSYLVIA" Sullivan >> 02 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations, sockpuppeteers! Your efforts at trying to hide >>yourselves, however transparently, have finally been recognized--PSYLVIA >>for her morphing, and Howdy for using an array of self-promoting identities >>to post about himself both on USENET and on guestbooks and comment pages. >> >>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD >> >> The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL! >> >> 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel >> 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat >> 00 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi >>who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has >>faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for >>years. >> >>EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007 >> >> The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG! >> >> 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung >> 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >> 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life >> 01 votes None of the above >> >>Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on >>Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it >>/twice/ now! >> >>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER >> >> The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET! >> >> 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART, >> Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet >> 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston >> 00 votes Neither of the above >> >>Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!! >> >>HAMMER OF THOR >> >>The winner is...Wally Anglesea >> >> 28 votes YES >> 00 votes NO >> >>It's unanimous! All hail Wally!!!1!!! >> >>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL >> >> The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON! >> >> 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >> 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy >> 07 votes David Tholen >> >>Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of >>the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining. >>Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding >>crocodile tears? >> >>OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT >> >> The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL" >> >> 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll" >> 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska >> 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life >> >>Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most >>persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years. >>Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel! >> >>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER >> >> The winner is...BRAD GUTH! >> >> 18 votes Brad Guth >> 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung >> 08 votes Linda Gore >> >>Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced- >>out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office. >>Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation. >> >>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS >> >> The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK! >> >> 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk >> 14 votes news.groups.proposals >> >>Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a >>group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious >>has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good >>fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you >>together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be >>very long. >> >>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet >>Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three >>ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded. >>Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot >>for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but >>for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded >>paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed >>valid and counted. >> >>See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round >>of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and >>all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy! >> >>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner, >>Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska! >> >><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'" >>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg >></music> Can Llewdellen be nominated again for May? -- In some circumstances, the refusal to be defeated is a refusal to be educated. -Margaret Halsey, novelist (1910-1997) |
Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
On Wed, 09 May 2007 07:06:30 GMT, §qu@re Wheels
<ouzo-uzi@drunken_aim.net> boggled at how lame the Kooks are these days, then wrote: >On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig, Bob >Officer did state: > >> On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks, >> Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote: >> >>><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare" >>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ >>></music> >>> >>>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook >>>Awards. Envelopes, please! >>> >>><music>drumroll</music> >>> >>>KOOK OF THE MONTH >>> >>> The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY! >>> >>> 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy >>> 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II >>> 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com >>> 01 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain >>>has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally >>>won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook! >>> >>>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 20 votes Gerald C Newton >>> 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads >>> 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup >>> 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to >>>inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is >>>a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't >>>conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts. >>> >>>COWARD OF THE MONTH >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska >>> 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young >>> 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> 01 votes Linda Gore >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough >>>campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider >>>since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know >>>what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock >>>it off. Funny how that works. >>> >>>LOONEY MAROON AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 19 votes Gerald C Newton >>> 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness" >>> 05 votes Linda Gore >>> 01 votes Salvador Astucia >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the >>>silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in >>>the web-hosting company doing? >>> >>>GOLDEN KILLFILE >>> >>> The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK! >>> >>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk >>> 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard" >>> 05 votes Dirk Bruere >>> 03 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your >>>companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to >>>make your poasts disappear as well. >>> >>>JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS! >>> >>> 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps >>> 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness" >>> 01 votes Respondant >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile >>>showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever. >>>Now, back into your cell! >>> >>>BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER >>> >>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>> 28 votes Gerald C. Newton >>> 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk >>> 01 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any >>>harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you. >>> >>>Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the... >>> >>>EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD >>> >>>"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on >>>Usenet." >>> >>>The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA! >>> >>>This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle, >>>but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving >>>your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker! >>> >>>PALMJOB PADDLE >>> >>> The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE! >>> >>> 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps >>> 04 votes Crash Street Kidd >>> 00 votes None of the above >>> >>>Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to >>>prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were >>>first confined. Some things don't change. >>> >>>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON! >>> >>> 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston >>> 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain >>> 06 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide >>>how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you >>>despise. >>> >>>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...TOM POTTER! >>> >>> 15 votes Tom Potter >>> 08 votes Greysky >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on >>>USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of >>>the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day. >>> >>>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY >>> >>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ! >>> >>> 20 votes Barbara Schwarz >>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston >>> 01 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized. >>>Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/ >>>dimension. >>> >>>GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...STEVE CHANEY! >>> >>> 12 votes Steve Chaney >>> 11 votes Linda Gore >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking >>>your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their >>>disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest- >>>beating to the contrary.. >>> >>>SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART >>> >>> The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP! >>> >>> 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup >>> 10 votes Linda Gore >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on >>>USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your >>>froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom-- >>>you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would >>>think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers >>>wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the >>>reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET. >>> >>>TAR & FEATHERS >>> >>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ! >>> >>> 14 votes Barbara Schwarz >>> 09 votes Honest John >>> 07 votes Linda Gore >>> 02 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want >>>you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with >>>you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported. >>> >>>BUSTED URINAL AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE! >>> >>> 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe >>> 07 votes Hagar >>> 01 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping >>>have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be >>>tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up >>>Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel. >>> >>>UNABOMBER SURPRISE >>> >>> The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN! >>> >>> 13 votes MCP of soc.men >>> 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard >>> 04 votes John Fields >>> 02 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"? >>> >>>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK >>> >>> The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life >>> >>> 28 votes YES >>> 03 votes NO >>> >>>Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard >>>"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were >>>among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no >>>less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your >>>idiocy becomes contageous! >>> >>>ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET >>> >>> We hace a tie! >>> >>> 14 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt >>> 14 votes Sylvia "PSYLVIA" Sullivan >>> 02 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, sockpuppeteers! Your efforts at trying to hide >>>yourselves, however transparently, have finally been recognized--PSYLVIA >>>for her morphing, and Howdy for using an array of self-promoting identities >>>to post about himself both on USENET and on guestbooks and comment pages. >>> >>>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD >>> >>> The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL! >>> >>> 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel >>> 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat >>> 00 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi >>>who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has >>>faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for >>>years. >>> >>>EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007 >>> >>> The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG! >>> >>> 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung >>> 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> 01 votes None of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on >>>Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it >>>/twice/ now! >>> >>>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER >>> >>> The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET! >>> >>> 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART, >>> Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet >>> 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 00 votes Neither of the above >>> >>>Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!! >>> >>>HAMMER OF THOR >>> >>>The winner is...Wally Anglesea >>> >>> 28 votes YES >>> 00 votes NO >>> >>>It's unanimous! All hail Wally!!!1!!! >>> >>>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL >>> >>> The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON! >>> >>> 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston >>> 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy >>> 07 votes David Tholen >>> >>>Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of >>>the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining. >>>Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding >>>crocodile tears? >>> >>>OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT >>> >>> The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL" >>> >>> 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll" >>> 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska >>> 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life >>> >>>Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most >>>persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years. >>>Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel! >>> >>>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER >>> >>> The winner is...BRAD GUTH! >>> >>> 18 votes Brad Guth >>> 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung >>> 08 votes Linda Gore >>> >>>Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced- >>>out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office. >>>Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation. >>> >>>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS >>> >>> The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK! >>> >>> 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk >>> 14 votes news.groups.proposals >>> >>>Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a >>>group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious >>>has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good >>>fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you >>>together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be >>>very long. >>> >>>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet >>>Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three >>>ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded. >>>Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot >>>for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but >>>for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded >>>paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed >>>valid and counted. >>> >>>See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round >>>of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and >>>all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy! >>> >>>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner, >>>Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska! >>> >>><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'" >>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg >>></music> > > >Can Llewdellen be nominated again for May? Of course! -- W "Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them." . | ,. w , \|/ \|/ Perna condita delenda est ---^----^--------------------------------------------------------------- |
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