Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
05-09-2007, 03:08 AM
#11
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
On Wed, 09 May 2007 07:06:30 GMT, §qu@re Wheels
<ouzo-uzi@drunken_aim.net> boggled at how lame the Kooks are these
days, then wrote:
>On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig, Bob
>Officer did state:
>
>> On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks,
>> Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote:
>>
>>><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare"
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ
>>></music>
>>>
>>>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook
>>>Awards. Envelopes, please!
>>>
>>><music>drumroll</music>
>>>
>>>KOOK OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>> 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II
>>> 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com
>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain
>>>has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally
>>>won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook!
>>>
>>>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 20 votes Gerald C Newton
>>> 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads
>>> 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>> 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to
>>>inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is
>>>a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't
>>>conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts.
>>>
>>>COWARD OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>> 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young
>>> 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 01 votes Linda Gore
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough
>>>campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider
>>>since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know
>>>what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock
>>>it off. Funny how that works.
>>>
>>>LOONEY MAROON AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 19 votes Gerald C Newton
>>> 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>> 05 votes Linda Gore
>>> 01 votes Salvador Astucia
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the
>>>silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in
>>>the web-hosting company doing?
>>>
>>>GOLDEN KILLFILE
>>>
>>> The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>
>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard"
>>> 05 votes Dirk Bruere
>>> 03 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your
>>>companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to
>>>make your poasts disappear as well.
>>>
>>>JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>> 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>> 01 votes Respondant
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile
>>>showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever.
>>>Now, back into your cell!
>>>
>>>BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 28 votes Gerald C. Newton
>>> 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any
>>>harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you.
>>>
>>>Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the...
>>>
>>>EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD
>>>
>>>"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on
>>>Usenet."
>>>
>>>The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>>This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle,
>>>but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving
>>>your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker!
>>>
>>>PALMJOB PADDLE
>>>
>>> The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE!
>>>
>>> 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>> 04 votes Crash Street Kidd
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to
>>>prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were
>>>first confined. Some things don't change.
>>>
>>>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>
>>> 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain
>>> 06 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide
>>>how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you
>>>despise.
>>>
>>>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...TOM POTTER!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Tom Potter
>>> 08 votes Greysky
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on
>>>USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of
>>>the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day.
>>>
>>>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
>>>
>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>
>>> 20 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized.
>>>Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/
>>>dimension.
>>>
>>>GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...STEVE CHANEY!
>>>
>>> 12 votes Steve Chaney
>>> 11 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking
>>>your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their
>>>disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest-
>>>beating to the contrary..
>>>
>>>SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART
>>>
>>> The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>> 10 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on
>>>USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your
>>>froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom--
>>>you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would
>>>think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers
>>>wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the
>>>reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET.
>>>
>>>TAR & FEATHERS
>>>
>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>
>>> 14 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>> 09 votes Honest John
>>> 07 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want
>>>you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with
>>>you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported.
>>>
>>>BUSTED URINAL AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe
>>> 07 votes Hagar
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping
>>>have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be
>>>tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up
>>>Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel.
>>>
>>>UNABOMBER SURPRISE
>>>
>>> The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN!
>>>
>>> 13 votes MCP of soc.men
>>> 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard
>>> 04 votes John Fields
>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"?
>>>
>>>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK
>>>
>>> The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life
>>>
>>> 28 votes YES
>>> 03 votes NO
>>>
>>>Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard
>>>"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were
>>>among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no
>>>less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your
>>>idiocy becomes contageous!
>>>
>>>ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET
>>>
>>> We hace a tie!
>>>
>>> 14 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt
>>> 14 votes Sylvia "PSYLVIA" Sullivan
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, sockpuppeteers! Your efforts at trying to hide
>>>yourselves, however transparently, have finally been recognized--PSYLVIA
>>>for her morphing, and Howdy for using an array of self-promoting identities
>>>to post about himself both on USENET and on guestbooks and comment pages.
>>>
>>>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL!
>>>
>>> 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel
>>> 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat
>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi
>>>who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has
>>>faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for
>>>years.
>>>
>>>EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007
>>>
>>> The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung
>>> 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on
>>>Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it
>>>/twice/ now!
>>>
>>>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET!
>>>
>>> 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART,
>>> Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet
>>> 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!!
>>>
>>>HAMMER OF THOR
>>>
>>>The winner is...Wally Anglesea
>>>
>>> 28 votes YES
>>> 00 votes NO
>>>
>>>It's unanimous! All hail Wally!!!1!!!
>>>
>>>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL
>>>
>>> The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>
>>> 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>> 07 votes David Tholen
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of
>>>the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining.
>>>Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding
>>>crocodile tears?
>>>
>>>OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT
>>>
>>> The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL"
>>>
>>> 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll"
>>> 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>> 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>>
>>>Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most
>>>persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years.
>>>Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel!
>>>
>>>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
>>>
>>> The winner is...BRAD GUTH!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Brad Guth
>>> 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung
>>> 08 votes Linda Gore
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced-
>>>out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office.
>>>Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation.
>>>
>>>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS
>>>
>>> The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 14 votes news.groups.proposals
>>>
>>>Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a
>>>group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious
>>>has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good
>>>fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you
>>>together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be
>>>very long.
>>>
>>>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet
>>>Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three
>>>ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded.
>>>Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot
>>>for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but
>>>for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded
>>>paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed
>>>valid and counted.
>>>
>>>See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round
>>>of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and
>>>all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy!
>>>
>>>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner,
>>>Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska!
>>>
>>><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'"
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg
>>></music>
>
>
>Can Llewdellen be nominated again for May?
Of course!
--
W "Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them."
. | ,. w ,
\|/ \|/ Perna condita delenda est
---^----^---------------------------------------------------------------
<ouzo-uzi@drunken_aim.net> boggled at how lame the Kooks are these
days, then wrote:
>On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig, Bob
>Officer did state:
>
>> On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks,
>> Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote:
>>
>>><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare"
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ
>>></music>
>>>
>>>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook
>>>Awards. Envelopes, please!
>>>
>>><music>drumroll</music>
>>>
>>>KOOK OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>> 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II
>>> 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com
>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain
>>>has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally
>>>won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook!
>>>
>>>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 20 votes Gerald C Newton
>>> 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads
>>> 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>> 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to
>>>inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is
>>>a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't
>>>conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts.
>>>
>>>COWARD OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>> 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young
>>> 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 01 votes Linda Gore
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough
>>>campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider
>>>since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know
>>>what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock
>>>it off. Funny how that works.
>>>
>>>LOONEY MAROON AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 19 votes Gerald C Newton
>>> 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>> 05 votes Linda Gore
>>> 01 votes Salvador Astucia
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the
>>>silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in
>>>the web-hosting company doing?
>>>
>>>GOLDEN KILLFILE
>>>
>>> The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>
>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard"
>>> 05 votes Dirk Bruere
>>> 03 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your
>>>companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to
>>>make your poasts disappear as well.
>>>
>>>JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>> 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>> 01 votes Respondant
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile
>>>showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever.
>>>Now, back into your cell!
>>>
>>>BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 28 votes Gerald C. Newton
>>> 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any
>>>harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you.
>>>
>>>Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the...
>>>
>>>EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD
>>>
>>>"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on
>>>Usenet."
>>>
>>>The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>>This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle,
>>>but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving
>>>your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker!
>>>
>>>PALMJOB PADDLE
>>>
>>> The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE!
>>>
>>> 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>> 04 votes Crash Street Kidd
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to
>>>prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were
>>>first confined. Some things don't change.
>>>
>>>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>
>>> 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain
>>> 06 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide
>>>how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you
>>>despise.
>>>
>>>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...TOM POTTER!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Tom Potter
>>> 08 votes Greysky
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on
>>>USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of
>>>the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day.
>>>
>>>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
>>>
>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>
>>> 20 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized.
>>>Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/
>>>dimension.
>>>
>>>GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...STEVE CHANEY!
>>>
>>> 12 votes Steve Chaney
>>> 11 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking
>>>your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their
>>>disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest-
>>>beating to the contrary..
>>>
>>>SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART
>>>
>>> The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>> 10 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on
>>>USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your
>>>froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom--
>>>you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would
>>>think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers
>>>wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the
>>>reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET.
>>>
>>>TAR & FEATHERS
>>>
>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>
>>> 14 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>> 09 votes Honest John
>>> 07 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want
>>>you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with
>>>you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported.
>>>
>>>BUSTED URINAL AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe
>>> 07 votes Hagar
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping
>>>have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be
>>>tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up
>>>Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel.
>>>
>>>UNABOMBER SURPRISE
>>>
>>> The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN!
>>>
>>> 13 votes MCP of soc.men
>>> 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard
>>> 04 votes John Fields
>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"?
>>>
>>>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK
>>>
>>> The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life
>>>
>>> 28 votes YES
>>> 03 votes NO
>>>
>>>Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard
>>>"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were
>>>among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no
>>>less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your
>>>idiocy becomes contageous!
>>>
>>>ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET
>>>
>>> We hace a tie!
>>>
>>> 14 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt
>>> 14 votes Sylvia "PSYLVIA" Sullivan
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, sockpuppeteers! Your efforts at trying to hide
>>>yourselves, however transparently, have finally been recognized--PSYLVIA
>>>for her morphing, and Howdy for using an array of self-promoting identities
>>>to post about himself both on USENET and on guestbooks and comment pages.
>>>
>>>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL!
>>>
>>> 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel
>>> 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat
>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi
>>>who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has
>>>faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for
>>>years.
>>>
>>>EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007
>>>
>>> The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung
>>> 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on
>>>Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it
>>>/twice/ now!
>>>
>>>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET!
>>>
>>> 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART,
>>> Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet
>>> 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!!
>>>
>>>HAMMER OF THOR
>>>
>>>The winner is...Wally Anglesea
>>>
>>> 28 votes YES
>>> 00 votes NO
>>>
>>>It's unanimous! All hail Wally!!!1!!!
>>>
>>>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL
>>>
>>> The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>
>>> 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>> 07 votes David Tholen
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of
>>>the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining.
>>>Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding
>>>crocodile tears?
>>>
>>>OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT
>>>
>>> The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL"
>>>
>>> 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll"
>>> 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>> 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>>
>>>Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most
>>>persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years.
>>>Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel!
>>>
>>>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
>>>
>>> The winner is...BRAD GUTH!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Brad Guth
>>> 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung
>>> 08 votes Linda Gore
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced-
>>>out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office.
>>>Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation.
>>>
>>>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS
>>>
>>> The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 14 votes news.groups.proposals
>>>
>>>Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a
>>>group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious
>>>has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good
>>>fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you
>>>together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be
>>>very long.
>>>
>>>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet
>>>Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three
>>>ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded.
>>>Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot
>>>for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but
>>>for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded
>>>paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed
>>>valid and counted.
>>>
>>>See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round
>>>of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and
>>>all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy!
>>>
>>>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner,
>>>Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska!
>>>
>>><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'"
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg
>>></music>
>
>
>Can Llewdellen be nominated again for May?
Of course!
--
W "Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them."
. | ,. w ,
\|/ \|/ Perna condita delenda est
---^----^---------------------------------------------------------------
05-09-2007, 03:08 AM
#12
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
On Wed, 09 May 2007 07:06:30 GMT, §qu@re Wheels
<ouzo-uzi@drunken_aim.net> boggled at how lame the Kooks are these
days, then wrote:
>On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig, Bob
>Officer did state:
>
>> On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks,
>> Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote:
>>
>>><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare"
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ
>>></music>
>>>
>>>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook
>>>Awards. Envelopes, please!
>>>
>>><music>drumroll</music>
>>>
>>>KOOK OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>> 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II
>>> 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com
>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain
>>>has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally
>>>won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook!
>>>
>>>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 20 votes Gerald C Newton
>>> 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads
>>> 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>> 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to
>>>inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is
>>>a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't
>>>conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts.
>>>
>>>COWARD OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>> 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young
>>> 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 01 votes Linda Gore
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough
>>>campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider
>>>since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know
>>>what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock
>>>it off. Funny how that works.
>>>
>>>LOONEY MAROON AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 19 votes Gerald C Newton
>>> 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>> 05 votes Linda Gore
>>> 01 votes Salvador Astucia
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the
>>>silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in
>>>the web-hosting company doing?
>>>
>>>GOLDEN KILLFILE
>>>
>>> The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>
>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard"
>>> 05 votes Dirk Bruere
>>> 03 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your
>>>companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to
>>>make your poasts disappear as well.
>>>
>>>JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>> 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>> 01 votes Respondant
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile
>>>showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever.
>>>Now, back into your cell!
>>>
>>>BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 28 votes Gerald C. Newton
>>> 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any
>>>harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you.
>>>
>>>Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the...
>>>
>>>EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD
>>>
>>>"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on
>>>Usenet."
>>>
>>>The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>>This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle,
>>>but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving
>>>your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker!
>>>
>>>PALMJOB PADDLE
>>>
>>> The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE!
>>>
>>> 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>> 04 votes Crash Street Kidd
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to
>>>prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were
>>>first confined. Some things don't change.
>>>
>>>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>
>>> 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain
>>> 06 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide
>>>how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you
>>>despise.
>>>
>>>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...TOM POTTER!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Tom Potter
>>> 08 votes Greysky
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on
>>>USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of
>>>the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day.
>>>
>>>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
>>>
>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>
>>> 20 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized.
>>>Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/
>>>dimension.
>>>
>>>GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...STEVE CHANEY!
>>>
>>> 12 votes Steve Chaney
>>> 11 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking
>>>your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their
>>>disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest-
>>>beating to the contrary..
>>>
>>>SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART
>>>
>>> The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>> 10 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on
>>>USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your
>>>froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom--
>>>you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would
>>>think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers
>>>wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the
>>>reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET.
>>>
>>>TAR & FEATHERS
>>>
>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>
>>> 14 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>> 09 votes Honest John
>>> 07 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want
>>>you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with
>>>you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported.
>>>
>>>BUSTED URINAL AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe
>>> 07 votes Hagar
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping
>>>have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be
>>>tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up
>>>Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel.
>>>
>>>UNABOMBER SURPRISE
>>>
>>> The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN!
>>>
>>> 13 votes MCP of soc.men
>>> 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard
>>> 04 votes John Fields
>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"?
>>>
>>>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK
>>>
>>> The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life
>>>
>>> 28 votes YES
>>> 03 votes NO
>>>
>>>Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard
>>>"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were
>>>among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no
>>>less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your
>>>idiocy becomes contageous!
>>>
>>>ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET
>>>
>>> We hace a tie!
>>>
>>> 14 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt
>>> 14 votes Sylvia "PSYLVIA" Sullivan
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, sockpuppeteers! Your efforts at trying to hide
>>>yourselves, however transparently, have finally been recognized--PSYLVIA
>>>for her morphing, and Howdy for using an array of self-promoting identities
>>>to post about himself both on USENET and on guestbooks and comment pages.
>>>
>>>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL!
>>>
>>> 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel
>>> 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat
>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi
>>>who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has
>>>faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for
>>>years.
>>>
>>>EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007
>>>
>>> The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung
>>> 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on
>>>Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it
>>>/twice/ now!
>>>
>>>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET!
>>>
>>> 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART,
>>> Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet
>>> 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!!
>>>
>>>HAMMER OF THOR
>>>
>>>The winner is...Wally Anglesea
>>>
>>> 28 votes YES
>>> 00 votes NO
>>>
>>>It's unanimous! All hail Wally!!!1!!!
>>>
>>>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL
>>>
>>> The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>
>>> 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>> 07 votes David Tholen
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of
>>>the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining.
>>>Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding
>>>crocodile tears?
>>>
>>>OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT
>>>
>>> The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL"
>>>
>>> 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll"
>>> 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>> 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>>
>>>Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most
>>>persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years.
>>>Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel!
>>>
>>>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
>>>
>>> The winner is...BRAD GUTH!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Brad Guth
>>> 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung
>>> 08 votes Linda Gore
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced-
>>>out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office.
>>>Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation.
>>>
>>>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS
>>>
>>> The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 14 votes news.groups.proposals
>>>
>>>Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a
>>>group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious
>>>has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good
>>>fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you
>>>together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be
>>>very long.
>>>
>>>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet
>>>Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three
>>>ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded.
>>>Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot
>>>for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but
>>>for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded
>>>paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed
>>>valid and counted.
>>>
>>>See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round
>>>of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and
>>>all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy!
>>>
>>>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner,
>>>Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska!
>>>
>>><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'"
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg
>>></music>
>
>
>Can Llewdellen be nominated again for May?
Of course!
--
W "Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them."
. | ,. w ,
\|/ \|/ Perna condita delenda est
---^----^---------------------------------------------------------------
<ouzo-uzi@drunken_aim.net> boggled at how lame the Kooks are these
days, then wrote:
>On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig, Bob
>Officer did state:
>
>> On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks,
>> Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote:
>>
>>><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare"
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ
>>></music>
>>>
>>>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook
>>>Awards. Envelopes, please!
>>>
>>><music>drumroll</music>
>>>
>>>KOOK OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>> 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II
>>> 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com
>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain
>>>has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally
>>>won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook!
>>>
>>>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 20 votes Gerald C Newton
>>> 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads
>>> 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>> 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to
>>>inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is
>>>a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't
>>>conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts.
>>>
>>>COWARD OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>> 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young
>>> 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 01 votes Linda Gore
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough
>>>campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider
>>>since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know
>>>what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock
>>>it off. Funny how that works.
>>>
>>>LOONEY MAROON AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 19 votes Gerald C Newton
>>> 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>> 05 votes Linda Gore
>>> 01 votes Salvador Astucia
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the
>>>silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in
>>>the web-hosting company doing?
>>>
>>>GOLDEN KILLFILE
>>>
>>> The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>
>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard"
>>> 05 votes Dirk Bruere
>>> 03 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your
>>>companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to
>>>make your poasts disappear as well.
>>>
>>>JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>> 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>> 01 votes Respondant
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile
>>>showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever.
>>>Now, back into your cell!
>>>
>>>BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 28 votes Gerald C. Newton
>>> 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any
>>>harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you.
>>>
>>>Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the...
>>>
>>>EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD
>>>
>>>"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on
>>>Usenet."
>>>
>>>The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>>This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle,
>>>but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving
>>>your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker!
>>>
>>>PALMJOB PADDLE
>>>
>>> The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE!
>>>
>>> 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>> 04 votes Crash Street Kidd
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to
>>>prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were
>>>first confined. Some things don't change.
>>>
>>>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>
>>> 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain
>>> 06 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide
>>>how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you
>>>despise.
>>>
>>>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...TOM POTTER!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Tom Potter
>>> 08 votes Greysky
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on
>>>USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of
>>>the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day.
>>>
>>>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
>>>
>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>
>>> 20 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized.
>>>Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/
>>>dimension.
>>>
>>>GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...STEVE CHANEY!
>>>
>>> 12 votes Steve Chaney
>>> 11 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking
>>>your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their
>>>disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest-
>>>beating to the contrary..
>>>
>>>SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART
>>>
>>> The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>> 10 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on
>>>USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your
>>>froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom--
>>>you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would
>>>think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers
>>>wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the
>>>reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET.
>>>
>>>TAR & FEATHERS
>>>
>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>
>>> 14 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>> 09 votes Honest John
>>> 07 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want
>>>you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with
>>>you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported.
>>>
>>>BUSTED URINAL AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe
>>> 07 votes Hagar
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping
>>>have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be
>>>tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up
>>>Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel.
>>>
>>>UNABOMBER SURPRISE
>>>
>>> The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN!
>>>
>>> 13 votes MCP of soc.men
>>> 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard
>>> 04 votes John Fields
>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"?
>>>
>>>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK
>>>
>>> The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life
>>>
>>> 28 votes YES
>>> 03 votes NO
>>>
>>>Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard
>>>"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were
>>>among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no
>>>less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your
>>>idiocy becomes contageous!
>>>
>>>ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET
>>>
>>> We hace a tie!
>>>
>>> 14 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt
>>> 14 votes Sylvia "PSYLVIA" Sullivan
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, sockpuppeteers! Your efforts at trying to hide
>>>yourselves, however transparently, have finally been recognized--PSYLVIA
>>>for her morphing, and Howdy for using an array of self-promoting identities
>>>to post about himself both on USENET and on guestbooks and comment pages.
>>>
>>>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL!
>>>
>>> 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel
>>> 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat
>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi
>>>who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has
>>>faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for
>>>years.
>>>
>>>EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007
>>>
>>> The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung
>>> 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on
>>>Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it
>>>/twice/ now!
>>>
>>>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET!
>>>
>>> 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART,
>>> Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet
>>> 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!!
>>>
>>>HAMMER OF THOR
>>>
>>>The winner is...Wally Anglesea
>>>
>>> 28 votes YES
>>> 00 votes NO
>>>
>>>It's unanimous! All hail Wally!!!1!!!
>>>
>>>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL
>>>
>>> The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>
>>> 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>> 07 votes David Tholen
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of
>>>the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining.
>>>Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding
>>>crocodile tears?
>>>
>>>OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT
>>>
>>> The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL"
>>>
>>> 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll"
>>> 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>> 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>>
>>>Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most
>>>persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years.
>>>Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel!
>>>
>>>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
>>>
>>> The winner is...BRAD GUTH!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Brad Guth
>>> 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung
>>> 08 votes Linda Gore
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced-
>>>out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office.
>>>Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation.
>>>
>>>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS
>>>
>>> The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 14 votes news.groups.proposals
>>>
>>>Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a
>>>group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious
>>>has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good
>>>fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you
>>>together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be
>>>very long.
>>>
>>>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet
>>>Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three
>>>ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded.
>>>Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot
>>>for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but
>>>for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded
>>>paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed
>>>valid and counted.
>>>
>>>See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round
>>>of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and
>>>all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy!
>>>
>>>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner,
>>>Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska!
>>>
>>><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'"
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg
>>></music>
>
>
>Can Llewdellen be nominated again for May?
Of course!
--
W "Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them."
. | ,. w ,
\|/ \|/ Perna condita delenda est
---^----^---------------------------------------------------------------
05-09-2007, 03:08 AM
#13
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
On Wed, 09 May 2007 07:06:30 GMT, §qu@re Wheels
<ouzo-uzi@drunken_aim.net> boggled at how lame the Kooks are these
days, then wrote:
>On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig, Bob
>Officer did state:
>
>> On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks,
>> Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote:
>>
>>><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare"
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ
>>></music>
>>>
>>>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook
>>>Awards. Envelopes, please!
>>>
>>><music>drumroll</music>
>>>
>>>KOOK OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>> 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II
>>> 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com
>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain
>>>has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally
>>>won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook!
>>>
>>>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 20 votes Gerald C Newton
>>> 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads
>>> 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>> 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to
>>>inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is
>>>a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't
>>>conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts.
>>>
>>>COWARD OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>> 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young
>>> 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 01 votes Linda Gore
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough
>>>campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider
>>>since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know
>>>what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock
>>>it off. Funny how that works.
>>>
>>>LOONEY MAROON AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 19 votes Gerald C Newton
>>> 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>> 05 votes Linda Gore
>>> 01 votes Salvador Astucia
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the
>>>silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in
>>>the web-hosting company doing?
>>>
>>>GOLDEN KILLFILE
>>>
>>> The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>
>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard"
>>> 05 votes Dirk Bruere
>>> 03 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your
>>>companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to
>>>make your poasts disappear as well.
>>>
>>>JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>> 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>> 01 votes Respondant
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile
>>>showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever.
>>>Now, back into your cell!
>>>
>>>BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 28 votes Gerald C. Newton
>>> 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any
>>>harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you.
>>>
>>>Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the...
>>>
>>>EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD
>>>
>>>"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on
>>>Usenet."
>>>
>>>The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>>This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle,
>>>but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving
>>>your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker!
>>>
>>>PALMJOB PADDLE
>>>
>>> The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE!
>>>
>>> 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>> 04 votes Crash Street Kidd
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to
>>>prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were
>>>first confined. Some things don't change.
>>>
>>>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>
>>> 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain
>>> 06 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide
>>>how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you
>>>despise.
>>>
>>>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...TOM POTTER!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Tom Potter
>>> 08 votes Greysky
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on
>>>USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of
>>>the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day.
>>>
>>>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
>>>
>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>
>>> 20 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized.
>>>Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/
>>>dimension.
>>>
>>>GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...STEVE CHANEY!
>>>
>>> 12 votes Steve Chaney
>>> 11 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking
>>>your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their
>>>disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest-
>>>beating to the contrary..
>>>
>>>SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART
>>>
>>> The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>> 10 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on
>>>USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your
>>>froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom--
>>>you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would
>>>think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers
>>>wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the
>>>reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET.
>>>
>>>TAR & FEATHERS
>>>
>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>
>>> 14 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>> 09 votes Honest John
>>> 07 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want
>>>you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with
>>>you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported.
>>>
>>>BUSTED URINAL AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe
>>> 07 votes Hagar
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping
>>>have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be
>>>tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up
>>>Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel.
>>>
>>>UNABOMBER SURPRISE
>>>
>>> The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN!
>>>
>>> 13 votes MCP of soc.men
>>> 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard
>>> 04 votes John Fields
>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"?
>>>
>>>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK
>>>
>>> The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life
>>>
>>> 28 votes YES
>>> 03 votes NO
>>>
>>>Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard
>>>"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were
>>>among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no
>>>less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your
>>>idiocy becomes contageous!
>>>
>>>ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET
>>>
>>> We hace a tie!
>>>
>>> 14 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt
>>> 14 votes Sylvia "PSYLVIA" Sullivan
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, sockpuppeteers! Your efforts at trying to hide
>>>yourselves, however transparently, have finally been recognized--PSYLVIA
>>>for her morphing, and Howdy for using an array of self-promoting identities
>>>to post about himself both on USENET and on guestbooks and comment pages.
>>>
>>>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL!
>>>
>>> 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel
>>> 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat
>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi
>>>who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has
>>>faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for
>>>years.
>>>
>>>EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007
>>>
>>> The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung
>>> 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on
>>>Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it
>>>/twice/ now!
>>>
>>>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET!
>>>
>>> 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART,
>>> Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet
>>> 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!!
>>>
>>>HAMMER OF THOR
>>>
>>>The winner is...Wally Anglesea
>>>
>>> 28 votes YES
>>> 00 votes NO
>>>
>>>It's unanimous! All hail Wally!!!1!!!
>>>
>>>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL
>>>
>>> The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>
>>> 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>> 07 votes David Tholen
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of
>>>the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining.
>>>Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding
>>>crocodile tears?
>>>
>>>OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT
>>>
>>> The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL"
>>>
>>> 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll"
>>> 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>> 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>>
>>>Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most
>>>persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years.
>>>Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel!
>>>
>>>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
>>>
>>> The winner is...BRAD GUTH!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Brad Guth
>>> 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung
>>> 08 votes Linda Gore
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced-
>>>out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office.
>>>Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation.
>>>
>>>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS
>>>
>>> The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 14 votes news.groups.proposals
>>>
>>>Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a
>>>group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious
>>>has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good
>>>fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you
>>>together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be
>>>very long.
>>>
>>>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet
>>>Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three
>>>ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded.
>>>Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot
>>>for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but
>>>for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded
>>>paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed
>>>valid and counted.
>>>
>>>See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round
>>>of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and
>>>all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy!
>>>
>>>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner,
>>>Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska!
>>>
>>><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'"
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg
>>></music>
>
>
>Can Llewdellen be nominated again for May?
Of course!
--
W "Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them."
. | ,. w ,
\|/ \|/ Perna condita delenda est
---^----^---------------------------------------------------------------
<ouzo-uzi@drunken_aim.net> boggled at how lame the Kooks are these
days, then wrote:
>On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig, Bob
>Officer did state:
>
>> On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks,
>> Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote:
>>
>>><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare"
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ
>>></music>
>>>
>>>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook
>>>Awards. Envelopes, please!
>>>
>>><music>drumroll</music>
>>>
>>>KOOK OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>> 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II
>>> 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com
>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain
>>>has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally
>>>won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook!
>>>
>>>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 20 votes Gerald C Newton
>>> 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads
>>> 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>> 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to
>>>inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is
>>>a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't
>>>conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts.
>>>
>>>COWARD OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>> 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young
>>> 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 01 votes Linda Gore
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough
>>>campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider
>>>since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know
>>>what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock
>>>it off. Funny how that works.
>>>
>>>LOONEY MAROON AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 19 votes Gerald C Newton
>>> 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>> 05 votes Linda Gore
>>> 01 votes Salvador Astucia
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the
>>>silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in
>>>the web-hosting company doing?
>>>
>>>GOLDEN KILLFILE
>>>
>>> The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>
>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard"
>>> 05 votes Dirk Bruere
>>> 03 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your
>>>companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to
>>>make your poasts disappear as well.
>>>
>>>JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>> 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>> 01 votes Respondant
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile
>>>showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever.
>>>Now, back into your cell!
>>>
>>>BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 28 votes Gerald C. Newton
>>> 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any
>>>harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you.
>>>
>>>Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the...
>>>
>>>EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD
>>>
>>>"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on
>>>Usenet."
>>>
>>>The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>>This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle,
>>>but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving
>>>your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker!
>>>
>>>PALMJOB PADDLE
>>>
>>> The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE!
>>>
>>> 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>> 04 votes Crash Street Kidd
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to
>>>prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were
>>>first confined. Some things don't change.
>>>
>>>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>
>>> 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain
>>> 06 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide
>>>how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you
>>>despise.
>>>
>>>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...TOM POTTER!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Tom Potter
>>> 08 votes Greysky
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on
>>>USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of
>>>the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day.
>>>
>>>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
>>>
>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>
>>> 20 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized.
>>>Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/
>>>dimension.
>>>
>>>GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...STEVE CHANEY!
>>>
>>> 12 votes Steve Chaney
>>> 11 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking
>>>your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their
>>>disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest-
>>>beating to the contrary..
>>>
>>>SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART
>>>
>>> The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>> 10 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on
>>>USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your
>>>froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom--
>>>you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would
>>>think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers
>>>wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the
>>>reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET.
>>>
>>>TAR & FEATHERS
>>>
>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>
>>> 14 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>> 09 votes Honest John
>>> 07 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want
>>>you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with
>>>you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported.
>>>
>>>BUSTED URINAL AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe
>>> 07 votes Hagar
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping
>>>have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be
>>>tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up
>>>Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel.
>>>
>>>UNABOMBER SURPRISE
>>>
>>> The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN!
>>>
>>> 13 votes MCP of soc.men
>>> 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard
>>> 04 votes John Fields
>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"?
>>>
>>>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK
>>>
>>> The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life
>>>
>>> 28 votes YES
>>> 03 votes NO
>>>
>>>Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard
>>>"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were
>>>among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no
>>>less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your
>>>idiocy becomes contageous!
>>>
>>>ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET
>>>
>>> We hace a tie!
>>>
>>> 14 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt
>>> 14 votes Sylvia "PSYLVIA" Sullivan
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, sockpuppeteers! Your efforts at trying to hide
>>>yourselves, however transparently, have finally been recognized--PSYLVIA
>>>for her morphing, and Howdy for using an array of self-promoting identities
>>>to post about himself both on USENET and on guestbooks and comment pages.
>>>
>>>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL!
>>>
>>> 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel
>>> 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat
>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi
>>>who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has
>>>faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for
>>>years.
>>>
>>>EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007
>>>
>>> The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung
>>> 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on
>>>Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it
>>>/twice/ now!
>>>
>>>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET!
>>>
>>> 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART,
>>> Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet
>>> 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!!
>>>
>>>HAMMER OF THOR
>>>
>>>The winner is...Wally Anglesea
>>>
>>> 28 votes YES
>>> 00 votes NO
>>>
>>>It's unanimous! All hail Wally!!!1!!!
>>>
>>>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL
>>>
>>> The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>
>>> 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>> 07 votes David Tholen
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of
>>>the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining.
>>>Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding
>>>crocodile tears?
>>>
>>>OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT
>>>
>>> The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL"
>>>
>>> 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll"
>>> 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>> 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>>
>>>Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most
>>>persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years.
>>>Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel!
>>>
>>>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
>>>
>>> The winner is...BRAD GUTH!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Brad Guth
>>> 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung
>>> 08 votes Linda Gore
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced-
>>>out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office.
>>>Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation.
>>>
>>>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS
>>>
>>> The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 14 votes news.groups.proposals
>>>
>>>Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a
>>>group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious
>>>has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good
>>>fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you
>>>together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be
>>>very long.
>>>
>>>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet
>>>Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three
>>>ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded.
>>>Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot
>>>for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but
>>>for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded
>>>paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed
>>>valid and counted.
>>>
>>>See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round
>>>of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and
>>>all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy!
>>>
>>>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner,
>>>Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska!
>>>
>>><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'"
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg
>>></music>
>
>
>Can Llewdellen be nominated again for May?
Of course!
--
W "Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them."
. | ,. w ,
\|/ \|/ Perna condita delenda est
---^----^---------------------------------------------------------------
05-09-2007, 03:20 AM
#14
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
On Wed, 09 May 2007 07:06:30 GMT, in alt.usenet.kooks, §qu@re Wheels
<ouzo-uzi@drunken_aim.net> wrote:
>On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig, Bob
>Officer did state:
>
>> On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks,
>> Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote:
>>
>>><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare"
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ
>>></music>
>>>
>>>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook
>>>Awards. Envelopes, please!
>>>
>>><music>drumroll</music>
>>>
>>>KOOK OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>> 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II
>>> 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com
>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain
>>>has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally
>>>won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook!
>>>
>>>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 20 votes Gerald C Newton
>>> 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads
>>> 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>> 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to
>>>inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is
>>>a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't
>>>conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts.
>>>
>>>COWARD OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>> 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young
>>> 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 01 votes Linda Gore
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough
>>>campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider
>>>since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know
>>>what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock
>>>it off. Funny how that works.
>>>
>>>LOONEY MAROON AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 19 votes Gerald C Newton
>>> 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>> 05 votes Linda Gore
>>> 01 votes Salvador Astucia
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the
>>>silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in
>>>the web-hosting company doing?
>>>
>>>GOLDEN KILLFILE
>>>
>>> The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>
>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard"
>>> 05 votes Dirk Bruere
>>> 03 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your
>>>companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to
>>>make your poasts disappear as well.
>>>
>>>JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>> 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>> 01 votes Respondant
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile
>>>showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever.
>>>Now, back into your cell!
>>>
>>>BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 28 votes Gerald C. Newton
>>> 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any
>>>harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you.
>>>
>>>Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the...
>>>
>>>EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD
>>>
>>>"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on
>>>Usenet."
>>>
>>>The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>>This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle,
>>>but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving
>>>your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker!
>>>
>>>PALMJOB PADDLE
>>>
>>> The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE!
>>>
>>> 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>> 04 votes Crash Street Kidd
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to
>>>prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were
>>>first confined. Some things don't change.
>>>
>>>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>
>>> 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain
>>> 06 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide
>>>how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you
>>>despise.
>>>
>>>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...TOM POTTER!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Tom Potter
>>> 08 votes Greysky
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on
>>>USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of
>>>the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day.
>>>
>>>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
>>>
>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>
>>> 20 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized.
>>>Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/
>>>dimension.
>>>
>>>GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...STEVE CHANEY!
>>>
>>> 12 votes Steve Chaney
>>> 11 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking
>>>your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their
>>>disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest-
>>>beating to the contrary..
>>>
>>>SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART
>>>
>>> The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>> 10 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on
>>>USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your
>>>froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom--
>>>you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would
>>>think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers
>>>wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the
>>>reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET.
>>>
>>>TAR & FEATHERS
>>>
>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>
>>> 14 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>> 09 votes Honest John
>>> 07 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want
>>>you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with
>>>you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported.
>>>
>>>BUSTED URINAL AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe
>>> 07 votes Hagar
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping
>>>have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be
>>>tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up
>>>Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel.
>>>
>>>UNABOMBER SURPRISE
>>>
>>> The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN!
>>>
>>> 13 votes MCP of soc.men
>>> 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard
>>> 04 votes John Fields
>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"?
>>>
>>>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK
>>>
>>> The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life
>>>
>>> 28 votes YES
>>> 03 votes NO
>>>
>>>Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard
>>>"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were
>>>among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no
>>>less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your
>>>idiocy becomes contageous!
>>>
>>>ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET
>>>
>>> We hace a tie!
>>>
>>> 14 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt
>>> 14 votes Sylvia "PSYLVIA" Sullivan
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, sockpuppeteers! Your efforts at trying to hide
>>>yourselves, however transparently, have finally been recognized--PSYLVIA
>>>for her morphing, and Howdy for using an array of self-promoting identities
>>>to post about himself both on USENET and on guestbooks and comment pages.
>>>
>>>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL!
>>>
>>> 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel
>>> 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat
>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi
>>>who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has
>>>faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for
>>>years.
>>>
>>>EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007
>>>
>>> The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung
>>> 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on
>>>Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it
>>>/twice/ now!
>>>
>>>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET!
>>>
>>> 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART,
>>> Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet
>>> 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!!
>>>
>>>HAMMER OF THOR
>>>
>>>The winner is...Wally Anglesea
>>>
>>> 28 votes YES
>>> 00 votes NO
>>>
>>>It's unanimous! All hail Wally!!!1!!!
>>>
>>>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL
>>>
>>> The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>
>>> 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>> 07 votes David Tholen
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of
>>>the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining.
>>>Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding
>>>crocodile tears?
>>>
>>>OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT
>>>
>>> The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL"
>>>
>>> 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll"
>>> 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>> 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>>
>>>Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most
>>>persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years.
>>>Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel!
>>>
>>>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
>>>
>>> The winner is...BRAD GUTH!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Brad Guth
>>> 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung
>>> 08 votes Linda Gore
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced-
>>>out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office.
>>>Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation.
>>>
>>>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS
>>>
>>> The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 14 votes news.groups.proposals
>>>
>>>Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a
>>>group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious
>>>has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good
>>>fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you
>>>together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be
>>>very long.
>>>
>>>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet
>>>Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three
>>>ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded.
>>>Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot
>>>for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but
>>>for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded
>>>paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed
>>>valid and counted.
>>>
>>>See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round
>>>of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and
>>>all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy!
>>>
>>>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner,
>>>Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska!
>>>
>>><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'"
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg
>>></music>
>
>
>Can Llewdellen be nominated again for May?
I posted comments about it, down thread.
I believe Llewdellen could be nominated for mast all of the awards.
saturation. I also think he should also be nominated.
--
Bob Officer
COOSN-266-06-01986
Hammer of Thor, Sept 2005
<ouzo-uzi@drunken_aim.net> wrote:
>On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig, Bob
>Officer did state:
>
>> On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks,
>> Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote:
>>
>>><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare"
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ
>>></music>
>>>
>>>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook
>>>Awards. Envelopes, please!
>>>
>>><music>drumroll</music>
>>>
>>>KOOK OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>> 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II
>>> 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com
>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain
>>>has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally
>>>won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook!
>>>
>>>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 20 votes Gerald C Newton
>>> 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads
>>> 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>> 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to
>>>inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is
>>>a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't
>>>conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts.
>>>
>>>COWARD OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>> 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young
>>> 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 01 votes Linda Gore
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough
>>>campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider
>>>since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know
>>>what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock
>>>it off. Funny how that works.
>>>
>>>LOONEY MAROON AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 19 votes Gerald C Newton
>>> 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>> 05 votes Linda Gore
>>> 01 votes Salvador Astucia
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the
>>>silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in
>>>the web-hosting company doing?
>>>
>>>GOLDEN KILLFILE
>>>
>>> The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>
>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard"
>>> 05 votes Dirk Bruere
>>> 03 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your
>>>companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to
>>>make your poasts disappear as well.
>>>
>>>JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>> 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>> 01 votes Respondant
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile
>>>showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever.
>>>Now, back into your cell!
>>>
>>>BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 28 votes Gerald C. Newton
>>> 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any
>>>harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you.
>>>
>>>Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the...
>>>
>>>EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD
>>>
>>>"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on
>>>Usenet."
>>>
>>>The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>>This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle,
>>>but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving
>>>your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker!
>>>
>>>PALMJOB PADDLE
>>>
>>> The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE!
>>>
>>> 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>> 04 votes Crash Street Kidd
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to
>>>prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were
>>>first confined. Some things don't change.
>>>
>>>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>
>>> 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain
>>> 06 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide
>>>how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you
>>>despise.
>>>
>>>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...TOM POTTER!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Tom Potter
>>> 08 votes Greysky
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on
>>>USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of
>>>the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day.
>>>
>>>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
>>>
>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>
>>> 20 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized.
>>>Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/
>>>dimension.
>>>
>>>GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...STEVE CHANEY!
>>>
>>> 12 votes Steve Chaney
>>> 11 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking
>>>your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their
>>>disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest-
>>>beating to the contrary..
>>>
>>>SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART
>>>
>>> The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>> 10 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on
>>>USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your
>>>froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom--
>>>you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would
>>>think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers
>>>wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the
>>>reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET.
>>>
>>>TAR & FEATHERS
>>>
>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>
>>> 14 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>> 09 votes Honest John
>>> 07 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want
>>>you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with
>>>you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported.
>>>
>>>BUSTED URINAL AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe
>>> 07 votes Hagar
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping
>>>have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be
>>>tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up
>>>Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel.
>>>
>>>UNABOMBER SURPRISE
>>>
>>> The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN!
>>>
>>> 13 votes MCP of soc.men
>>> 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard
>>> 04 votes John Fields
>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"?
>>>
>>>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK
>>>
>>> The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life
>>>
>>> 28 votes YES
>>> 03 votes NO
>>>
>>>Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard
>>>"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were
>>>among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no
>>>less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your
>>>idiocy becomes contageous!
>>>
>>>ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET
>>>
>>> We hace a tie!
>>>
>>> 14 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt
>>> 14 votes Sylvia "PSYLVIA" Sullivan
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, sockpuppeteers! Your efforts at trying to hide
>>>yourselves, however transparently, have finally been recognized--PSYLVIA
>>>for her morphing, and Howdy for using an array of self-promoting identities
>>>to post about himself both on USENET and on guestbooks and comment pages.
>>>
>>>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL!
>>>
>>> 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel
>>> 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat
>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi
>>>who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has
>>>faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for
>>>years.
>>>
>>>EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007
>>>
>>> The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung
>>> 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on
>>>Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it
>>>/twice/ now!
>>>
>>>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET!
>>>
>>> 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART,
>>> Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet
>>> 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!!
>>>
>>>HAMMER OF THOR
>>>
>>>The winner is...Wally Anglesea
>>>
>>> 28 votes YES
>>> 00 votes NO
>>>
>>>It's unanimous! All hail Wally!!!1!!!
>>>
>>>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL
>>>
>>> The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>
>>> 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>> 07 votes David Tholen
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of
>>>the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining.
>>>Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding
>>>crocodile tears?
>>>
>>>OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT
>>>
>>> The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL"
>>>
>>> 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll"
>>> 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>> 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>>
>>>Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most
>>>persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years.
>>>Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel!
>>>
>>>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
>>>
>>> The winner is...BRAD GUTH!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Brad Guth
>>> 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung
>>> 08 votes Linda Gore
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced-
>>>out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office.
>>>Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation.
>>>
>>>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS
>>>
>>> The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 14 votes news.groups.proposals
>>>
>>>Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a
>>>group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious
>>>has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good
>>>fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you
>>>together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be
>>>very long.
>>>
>>>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet
>>>Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three
>>>ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded.
>>>Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot
>>>for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but
>>>for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded
>>>paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed
>>>valid and counted.
>>>
>>>See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round
>>>of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and
>>>all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy!
>>>
>>>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner,
>>>Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska!
>>>
>>><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'"
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg
>>></music>
>
>
>Can Llewdellen be nominated again for May?
I posted comments about it, down thread.
I believe Llewdellen could be nominated for mast all of the awards.
saturation. I also think he should also be nominated.
--
Bob Officer
COOSN-266-06-01986
Hammer of Thor, Sept 2005
05-09-2007, 03:20 AM
#15
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
On Wed, 09 May 2007 07:06:30 GMT, in alt.usenet.kooks, §qu@re Wheels
<ouzo-uzi@drunken_aim.net> wrote:
>On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig, Bob
>Officer did state:
>
>> On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks,
>> Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote:
>>
>>><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare"
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ
>>></music>
>>>
>>>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook
>>>Awards. Envelopes, please!
>>>
>>><music>drumroll</music>
>>>
>>>KOOK OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>> 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II
>>> 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com
>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain
>>>has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally
>>>won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook!
>>>
>>>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 20 votes Gerald C Newton
>>> 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads
>>> 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>> 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to
>>>inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is
>>>a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't
>>>conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts.
>>>
>>>COWARD OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>> 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young
>>> 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 01 votes Linda Gore
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough
>>>campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider
>>>since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know
>>>what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock
>>>it off. Funny how that works.
>>>
>>>LOONEY MAROON AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 19 votes Gerald C Newton
>>> 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>> 05 votes Linda Gore
>>> 01 votes Salvador Astucia
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the
>>>silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in
>>>the web-hosting company doing?
>>>
>>>GOLDEN KILLFILE
>>>
>>> The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>
>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard"
>>> 05 votes Dirk Bruere
>>> 03 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your
>>>companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to
>>>make your poasts disappear as well.
>>>
>>>JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>> 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>> 01 votes Respondant
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile
>>>showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever.
>>>Now, back into your cell!
>>>
>>>BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 28 votes Gerald C. Newton
>>> 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any
>>>harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you.
>>>
>>>Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the...
>>>
>>>EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD
>>>
>>>"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on
>>>Usenet."
>>>
>>>The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>>This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle,
>>>but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving
>>>your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker!
>>>
>>>PALMJOB PADDLE
>>>
>>> The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE!
>>>
>>> 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>> 04 votes Crash Street Kidd
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to
>>>prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were
>>>first confined. Some things don't change.
>>>
>>>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>
>>> 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain
>>> 06 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide
>>>how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you
>>>despise.
>>>
>>>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...TOM POTTER!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Tom Potter
>>> 08 votes Greysky
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on
>>>USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of
>>>the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day.
>>>
>>>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
>>>
>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>
>>> 20 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized.
>>>Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/
>>>dimension.
>>>
>>>GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...STEVE CHANEY!
>>>
>>> 12 votes Steve Chaney
>>> 11 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking
>>>your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their
>>>disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest-
>>>beating to the contrary..
>>>
>>>SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART
>>>
>>> The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>> 10 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on
>>>USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your
>>>froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom--
>>>you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would
>>>think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers
>>>wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the
>>>reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET.
>>>
>>>TAR & FEATHERS
>>>
>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>
>>> 14 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>> 09 votes Honest John
>>> 07 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want
>>>you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with
>>>you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported.
>>>
>>>BUSTED URINAL AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe
>>> 07 votes Hagar
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping
>>>have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be
>>>tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up
>>>Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel.
>>>
>>>UNABOMBER SURPRISE
>>>
>>> The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN!
>>>
>>> 13 votes MCP of soc.men
>>> 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard
>>> 04 votes John Fields
>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"?
>>>
>>>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK
>>>
>>> The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life
>>>
>>> 28 votes YES
>>> 03 votes NO
>>>
>>>Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard
>>>"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were
>>>among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no
>>>less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your
>>>idiocy becomes contageous!
>>>
>>>ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET
>>>
>>> We hace a tie!
>>>
>>> 14 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt
>>> 14 votes Sylvia "PSYLVIA" Sullivan
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, sockpuppeteers! Your efforts at trying to hide
>>>yourselves, however transparently, have finally been recognized--PSYLVIA
>>>for her morphing, and Howdy for using an array of self-promoting identities
>>>to post about himself both on USENET and on guestbooks and comment pages.
>>>
>>>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL!
>>>
>>> 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel
>>> 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat
>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi
>>>who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has
>>>faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for
>>>years.
>>>
>>>EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007
>>>
>>> The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung
>>> 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on
>>>Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it
>>>/twice/ now!
>>>
>>>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET!
>>>
>>> 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART,
>>> Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet
>>> 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!!
>>>
>>>HAMMER OF THOR
>>>
>>>The winner is...Wally Anglesea
>>>
>>> 28 votes YES
>>> 00 votes NO
>>>
>>>It's unanimous! All hail Wally!!!1!!!
>>>
>>>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL
>>>
>>> The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>
>>> 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>> 07 votes David Tholen
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of
>>>the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining.
>>>Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding
>>>crocodile tears?
>>>
>>>OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT
>>>
>>> The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL"
>>>
>>> 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll"
>>> 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>> 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>>
>>>Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most
>>>persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years.
>>>Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel!
>>>
>>>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
>>>
>>> The winner is...BRAD GUTH!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Brad Guth
>>> 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung
>>> 08 votes Linda Gore
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced-
>>>out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office.
>>>Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation.
>>>
>>>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS
>>>
>>> The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 14 votes news.groups.proposals
>>>
>>>Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a
>>>group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious
>>>has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good
>>>fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you
>>>together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be
>>>very long.
>>>
>>>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet
>>>Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three
>>>ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded.
>>>Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot
>>>for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but
>>>for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded
>>>paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed
>>>valid and counted.
>>>
>>>See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round
>>>of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and
>>>all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy!
>>>
>>>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner,
>>>Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska!
>>>
>>><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'"
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg
>>></music>
>
>
>Can Llewdellen be nominated again for May?
I posted comments about it, down thread.
I believe Llewdellen could be nominated for mast all of the awards.
saturation. I also think he should also be nominated.
--
Bob Officer
COOSN-266-06-01986
Hammer of Thor, Sept 2005
<ouzo-uzi@drunken_aim.net> wrote:
>On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig, Bob
>Officer did state:
>
>> On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks,
>> Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote:
>>
>>><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare"
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ
>>></music>
>>>
>>>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook
>>>Awards. Envelopes, please!
>>>
>>><music>drumroll</music>
>>>
>>>KOOK OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>> 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II
>>> 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com
>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain
>>>has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally
>>>won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook!
>>>
>>>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 20 votes Gerald C Newton
>>> 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads
>>> 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>> 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to
>>>inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is
>>>a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't
>>>conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts.
>>>
>>>COWARD OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>> 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young
>>> 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 01 votes Linda Gore
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough
>>>campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider
>>>since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know
>>>what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock
>>>it off. Funny how that works.
>>>
>>>LOONEY MAROON AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 19 votes Gerald C Newton
>>> 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>> 05 votes Linda Gore
>>> 01 votes Salvador Astucia
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the
>>>silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in
>>>the web-hosting company doing?
>>>
>>>GOLDEN KILLFILE
>>>
>>> The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>
>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard"
>>> 05 votes Dirk Bruere
>>> 03 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your
>>>companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to
>>>make your poasts disappear as well.
>>>
>>>JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>> 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>> 01 votes Respondant
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile
>>>showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever.
>>>Now, back into your cell!
>>>
>>>BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 28 votes Gerald C. Newton
>>> 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any
>>>harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you.
>>>
>>>Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the...
>>>
>>>EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD
>>>
>>>"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on
>>>Usenet."
>>>
>>>The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>>This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle,
>>>but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving
>>>your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker!
>>>
>>>PALMJOB PADDLE
>>>
>>> The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE!
>>>
>>> 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>> 04 votes Crash Street Kidd
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to
>>>prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were
>>>first confined. Some things don't change.
>>>
>>>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>
>>> 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain
>>> 06 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide
>>>how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you
>>>despise.
>>>
>>>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...TOM POTTER!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Tom Potter
>>> 08 votes Greysky
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on
>>>USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of
>>>the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day.
>>>
>>>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
>>>
>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>
>>> 20 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized.
>>>Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/
>>>dimension.
>>>
>>>GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...STEVE CHANEY!
>>>
>>> 12 votes Steve Chaney
>>> 11 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking
>>>your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their
>>>disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest-
>>>beating to the contrary..
>>>
>>>SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART
>>>
>>> The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>> 10 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on
>>>USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your
>>>froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom--
>>>you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would
>>>think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers
>>>wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the
>>>reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET.
>>>
>>>TAR & FEATHERS
>>>
>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>
>>> 14 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>> 09 votes Honest John
>>> 07 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want
>>>you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with
>>>you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported.
>>>
>>>BUSTED URINAL AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe
>>> 07 votes Hagar
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping
>>>have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be
>>>tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up
>>>Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel.
>>>
>>>UNABOMBER SURPRISE
>>>
>>> The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN!
>>>
>>> 13 votes MCP of soc.men
>>> 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard
>>> 04 votes John Fields
>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"?
>>>
>>>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK
>>>
>>> The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life
>>>
>>> 28 votes YES
>>> 03 votes NO
>>>
>>>Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard
>>>"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were
>>>among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no
>>>less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your
>>>idiocy becomes contageous!
>>>
>>>ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET
>>>
>>> We hace a tie!
>>>
>>> 14 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt
>>> 14 votes Sylvia "PSYLVIA" Sullivan
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, sockpuppeteers! Your efforts at trying to hide
>>>yourselves, however transparently, have finally been recognized--PSYLVIA
>>>for her morphing, and Howdy for using an array of self-promoting identities
>>>to post about himself both on USENET and on guestbooks and comment pages.
>>>
>>>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL!
>>>
>>> 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel
>>> 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat
>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi
>>>who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has
>>>faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for
>>>years.
>>>
>>>EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007
>>>
>>> The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung
>>> 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on
>>>Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it
>>>/twice/ now!
>>>
>>>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET!
>>>
>>> 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART,
>>> Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet
>>> 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!!
>>>
>>>HAMMER OF THOR
>>>
>>>The winner is...Wally Anglesea
>>>
>>> 28 votes YES
>>> 00 votes NO
>>>
>>>It's unanimous! All hail Wally!!!1!!!
>>>
>>>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL
>>>
>>> The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>
>>> 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>> 07 votes David Tholen
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of
>>>the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining.
>>>Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding
>>>crocodile tears?
>>>
>>>OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT
>>>
>>> The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL"
>>>
>>> 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll"
>>> 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>> 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>>
>>>Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most
>>>persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years.
>>>Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel!
>>>
>>>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
>>>
>>> The winner is...BRAD GUTH!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Brad Guth
>>> 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung
>>> 08 votes Linda Gore
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced-
>>>out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office.
>>>Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation.
>>>
>>>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS
>>>
>>> The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 14 votes news.groups.proposals
>>>
>>>Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a
>>>group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious
>>>has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good
>>>fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you
>>>together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be
>>>very long.
>>>
>>>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet
>>>Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three
>>>ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded.
>>>Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot
>>>for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but
>>>for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded
>>>paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed
>>>valid and counted.
>>>
>>>See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round
>>>of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and
>>>all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy!
>>>
>>>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner,
>>>Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska!
>>>
>>><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'"
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg
>>></music>
>
>
>Can Llewdellen be nominated again for May?
I posted comments about it, down thread.
I believe Llewdellen could be nominated for mast all of the awards.
saturation. I also think he should also be nominated.
--
Bob Officer
COOSN-266-06-01986
Hammer of Thor, Sept 2005
05-09-2007, 03:20 AM
#16
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
On Wed, 09 May 2007 07:06:30 GMT, in alt.usenet.kooks, §qu@re Wheels
<ouzo-uzi@drunken_aim.net> wrote:
>On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig, Bob
>Officer did state:
>
>> On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks,
>> Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote:
>>
>>><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare"
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ
>>></music>
>>>
>>>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook
>>>Awards. Envelopes, please!
>>>
>>><music>drumroll</music>
>>>
>>>KOOK OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>> 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II
>>> 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com
>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain
>>>has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally
>>>won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook!
>>>
>>>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 20 votes Gerald C Newton
>>> 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads
>>> 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>> 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to
>>>inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is
>>>a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't
>>>conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts.
>>>
>>>COWARD OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>> 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young
>>> 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 01 votes Linda Gore
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough
>>>campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider
>>>since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know
>>>what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock
>>>it off. Funny how that works.
>>>
>>>LOONEY MAROON AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 19 votes Gerald C Newton
>>> 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>> 05 votes Linda Gore
>>> 01 votes Salvador Astucia
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the
>>>silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in
>>>the web-hosting company doing?
>>>
>>>GOLDEN KILLFILE
>>>
>>> The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>
>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard"
>>> 05 votes Dirk Bruere
>>> 03 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your
>>>companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to
>>>make your poasts disappear as well.
>>>
>>>JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>> 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>> 01 votes Respondant
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile
>>>showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever.
>>>Now, back into your cell!
>>>
>>>BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 28 votes Gerald C. Newton
>>> 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any
>>>harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you.
>>>
>>>Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the...
>>>
>>>EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD
>>>
>>>"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on
>>>Usenet."
>>>
>>>The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>>This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle,
>>>but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving
>>>your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker!
>>>
>>>PALMJOB PADDLE
>>>
>>> The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE!
>>>
>>> 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>> 04 votes Crash Street Kidd
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to
>>>prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were
>>>first confined. Some things don't change.
>>>
>>>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>
>>> 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain
>>> 06 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide
>>>how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you
>>>despise.
>>>
>>>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...TOM POTTER!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Tom Potter
>>> 08 votes Greysky
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on
>>>USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of
>>>the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day.
>>>
>>>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
>>>
>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>
>>> 20 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized.
>>>Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/
>>>dimension.
>>>
>>>GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...STEVE CHANEY!
>>>
>>> 12 votes Steve Chaney
>>> 11 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking
>>>your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their
>>>disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest-
>>>beating to the contrary..
>>>
>>>SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART
>>>
>>> The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>> 10 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on
>>>USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your
>>>froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom--
>>>you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would
>>>think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers
>>>wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the
>>>reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET.
>>>
>>>TAR & FEATHERS
>>>
>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>
>>> 14 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>> 09 votes Honest John
>>> 07 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want
>>>you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with
>>>you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported.
>>>
>>>BUSTED URINAL AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe
>>> 07 votes Hagar
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping
>>>have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be
>>>tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up
>>>Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel.
>>>
>>>UNABOMBER SURPRISE
>>>
>>> The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN!
>>>
>>> 13 votes MCP of soc.men
>>> 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard
>>> 04 votes John Fields
>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"?
>>>
>>>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK
>>>
>>> The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life
>>>
>>> 28 votes YES
>>> 03 votes NO
>>>
>>>Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard
>>>"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were
>>>among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no
>>>less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your
>>>idiocy becomes contageous!
>>>
>>>ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET
>>>
>>> We hace a tie!
>>>
>>> 14 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt
>>> 14 votes Sylvia "PSYLVIA" Sullivan
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, sockpuppeteers! Your efforts at trying to hide
>>>yourselves, however transparently, have finally been recognized--PSYLVIA
>>>for her morphing, and Howdy for using an array of self-promoting identities
>>>to post about himself both on USENET and on guestbooks and comment pages.
>>>
>>>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL!
>>>
>>> 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel
>>> 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat
>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi
>>>who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has
>>>faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for
>>>years.
>>>
>>>EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007
>>>
>>> The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung
>>> 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on
>>>Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it
>>>/twice/ now!
>>>
>>>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET!
>>>
>>> 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART,
>>> Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet
>>> 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!!
>>>
>>>HAMMER OF THOR
>>>
>>>The winner is...Wally Anglesea
>>>
>>> 28 votes YES
>>> 00 votes NO
>>>
>>>It's unanimous! All hail Wally!!!1!!!
>>>
>>>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL
>>>
>>> The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>
>>> 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>> 07 votes David Tholen
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of
>>>the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining.
>>>Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding
>>>crocodile tears?
>>>
>>>OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT
>>>
>>> The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL"
>>>
>>> 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll"
>>> 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>> 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>>
>>>Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most
>>>persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years.
>>>Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel!
>>>
>>>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
>>>
>>> The winner is...BRAD GUTH!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Brad Guth
>>> 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung
>>> 08 votes Linda Gore
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced-
>>>out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office.
>>>Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation.
>>>
>>>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS
>>>
>>> The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 14 votes news.groups.proposals
>>>
>>>Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a
>>>group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious
>>>has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good
>>>fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you
>>>together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be
>>>very long.
>>>
>>>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet
>>>Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three
>>>ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded.
>>>Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot
>>>for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but
>>>for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded
>>>paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed
>>>valid and counted.
>>>
>>>See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round
>>>of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and
>>>all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy!
>>>
>>>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner,
>>>Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska!
>>>
>>><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'"
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg
>>></music>
>
>
>Can Llewdellen be nominated again for May?
I posted comments about it, down thread.
I believe Llewdellen could be nominated for mast all of the awards.
saturation. I also think he should also be nominated.
--
Bob Officer
COOSN-266-06-01986
Hammer of Thor, Sept 2005
<ouzo-uzi@drunken_aim.net> wrote:
>On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig, Bob
>Officer did state:
>
>> On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks,
>> Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote:
>>
>>><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare"
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ
>>></music>
>>>
>>>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook
>>>Awards. Envelopes, please!
>>>
>>><music>drumroll</music>
>>>
>>>KOOK OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>> 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II
>>> 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com
>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain
>>>has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally
>>>won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook!
>>>
>>>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 20 votes Gerald C Newton
>>> 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads
>>> 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>> 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to
>>>inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is
>>>a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't
>>>conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts.
>>>
>>>COWARD OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>> 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young
>>> 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 01 votes Linda Gore
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough
>>>campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider
>>>since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know
>>>what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock
>>>it off. Funny how that works.
>>>
>>>LOONEY MAROON AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 19 votes Gerald C Newton
>>> 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>> 05 votes Linda Gore
>>> 01 votes Salvador Astucia
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the
>>>silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in
>>>the web-hosting company doing?
>>>
>>>GOLDEN KILLFILE
>>>
>>> The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>
>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard"
>>> 05 votes Dirk Bruere
>>> 03 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your
>>>companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to
>>>make your poasts disappear as well.
>>>
>>>JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>> 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>> 01 votes Respondant
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile
>>>showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever.
>>>Now, back into your cell!
>>>
>>>BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 28 votes Gerald C. Newton
>>> 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any
>>>harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you.
>>>
>>>Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the...
>>>
>>>EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD
>>>
>>>"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on
>>>Usenet."
>>>
>>>The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>>This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle,
>>>but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving
>>>your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker!
>>>
>>>PALMJOB PADDLE
>>>
>>> The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE!
>>>
>>> 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>> 04 votes Crash Street Kidd
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to
>>>prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were
>>>first confined. Some things don't change.
>>>
>>>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>
>>> 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain
>>> 06 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide
>>>how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you
>>>despise.
>>>
>>>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...TOM POTTER!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Tom Potter
>>> 08 votes Greysky
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on
>>>USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of
>>>the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day.
>>>
>>>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
>>>
>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>
>>> 20 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized.
>>>Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/
>>>dimension.
>>>
>>>GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...STEVE CHANEY!
>>>
>>> 12 votes Steve Chaney
>>> 11 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking
>>>your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their
>>>disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest-
>>>beating to the contrary..
>>>
>>>SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART
>>>
>>> The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>> 10 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on
>>>USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your
>>>froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom--
>>>you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would
>>>think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers
>>>wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the
>>>reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET.
>>>
>>>TAR & FEATHERS
>>>
>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>
>>> 14 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>> 09 votes Honest John
>>> 07 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want
>>>you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with
>>>you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported.
>>>
>>>BUSTED URINAL AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe
>>> 07 votes Hagar
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping
>>>have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be
>>>tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up
>>>Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel.
>>>
>>>UNABOMBER SURPRISE
>>>
>>> The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN!
>>>
>>> 13 votes MCP of soc.men
>>> 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard
>>> 04 votes John Fields
>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"?
>>>
>>>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK
>>>
>>> The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life
>>>
>>> 28 votes YES
>>> 03 votes NO
>>>
>>>Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard
>>>"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were
>>>among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no
>>>less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your
>>>idiocy becomes contageous!
>>>
>>>ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET
>>>
>>> We hace a tie!
>>>
>>> 14 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt
>>> 14 votes Sylvia "PSYLVIA" Sullivan
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, sockpuppeteers! Your efforts at trying to hide
>>>yourselves, however transparently, have finally been recognized--PSYLVIA
>>>for her morphing, and Howdy for using an array of self-promoting identities
>>>to post about himself both on USENET and on guestbooks and comment pages.
>>>
>>>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL!
>>>
>>> 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel
>>> 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat
>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi
>>>who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has
>>>faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for
>>>years.
>>>
>>>EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007
>>>
>>> The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung
>>> 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on
>>>Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it
>>>/twice/ now!
>>>
>>>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET!
>>>
>>> 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART,
>>> Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet
>>> 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!!
>>>
>>>HAMMER OF THOR
>>>
>>>The winner is...Wally Anglesea
>>>
>>> 28 votes YES
>>> 00 votes NO
>>>
>>>It's unanimous! All hail Wally!!!1!!!
>>>
>>>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL
>>>
>>> The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>
>>> 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>> 07 votes David Tholen
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of
>>>the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining.
>>>Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding
>>>crocodile tears?
>>>
>>>OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT
>>>
>>> The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL"
>>>
>>> 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll"
>>> 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>> 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>>
>>>Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most
>>>persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years.
>>>Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel!
>>>
>>>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
>>>
>>> The winner is...BRAD GUTH!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Brad Guth
>>> 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung
>>> 08 votes Linda Gore
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced-
>>>out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office.
>>>Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation.
>>>
>>>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS
>>>
>>> The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 14 votes news.groups.proposals
>>>
>>>Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a
>>>group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious
>>>has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good
>>>fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you
>>>together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be
>>>very long.
>>>
>>>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet
>>>Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three
>>>ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded.
>>>Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot
>>>for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but
>>>for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded
>>>paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed
>>>valid and counted.
>>>
>>>See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round
>>>of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and
>>>all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy!
>>>
>>>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner,
>>>Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska!
>>>
>>><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'"
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg
>>></music>
>
>
>Can Llewdellen be nominated again for May?
I posted comments about it, down thread.
I believe Llewdellen could be nominated for mast all of the awards.
saturation. I also think he should also be nominated.
--
Bob Officer
COOSN-266-06-01986
Hammer of Thor, Sept 2005
05-09-2007, 03:20 AM
#17
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
On Wed, 09 May 2007 07:06:30 GMT, in alt.usenet.kooks, §qu@re Wheels
<ouzo-uzi@drunken_aim.net> wrote:
>On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig, Bob
>Officer did state:
>
>> On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks,
>> Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote:
>>
>>><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare"
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ
>>></music>
>>>
>>>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook
>>>Awards. Envelopes, please!
>>>
>>><music>drumroll</music>
>>>
>>>KOOK OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>> 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II
>>> 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com
>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain
>>>has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally
>>>won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook!
>>>
>>>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 20 votes Gerald C Newton
>>> 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads
>>> 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>> 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to
>>>inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is
>>>a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't
>>>conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts.
>>>
>>>COWARD OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>> 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young
>>> 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 01 votes Linda Gore
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough
>>>campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider
>>>since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know
>>>what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock
>>>it off. Funny how that works.
>>>
>>>LOONEY MAROON AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 19 votes Gerald C Newton
>>> 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>> 05 votes Linda Gore
>>> 01 votes Salvador Astucia
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the
>>>silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in
>>>the web-hosting company doing?
>>>
>>>GOLDEN KILLFILE
>>>
>>> The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>
>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard"
>>> 05 votes Dirk Bruere
>>> 03 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your
>>>companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to
>>>make your poasts disappear as well.
>>>
>>>JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>> 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>> 01 votes Respondant
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile
>>>showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever.
>>>Now, back into your cell!
>>>
>>>BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 28 votes Gerald C. Newton
>>> 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any
>>>harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you.
>>>
>>>Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the...
>>>
>>>EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD
>>>
>>>"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on
>>>Usenet."
>>>
>>>The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>>This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle,
>>>but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving
>>>your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker!
>>>
>>>PALMJOB PADDLE
>>>
>>> The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE!
>>>
>>> 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>> 04 votes Crash Street Kidd
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to
>>>prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were
>>>first confined. Some things don't change.
>>>
>>>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>
>>> 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain
>>> 06 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide
>>>how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you
>>>despise.
>>>
>>>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...TOM POTTER!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Tom Potter
>>> 08 votes Greysky
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on
>>>USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of
>>>the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day.
>>>
>>>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
>>>
>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>
>>> 20 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized.
>>>Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/
>>>dimension.
>>>
>>>GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...STEVE CHANEY!
>>>
>>> 12 votes Steve Chaney
>>> 11 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking
>>>your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their
>>>disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest-
>>>beating to the contrary..
>>>
>>>SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART
>>>
>>> The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>> 10 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on
>>>USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your
>>>froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom--
>>>you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would
>>>think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers
>>>wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the
>>>reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET.
>>>
>>>TAR & FEATHERS
>>>
>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>
>>> 14 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>> 09 votes Honest John
>>> 07 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want
>>>you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with
>>>you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported.
>>>
>>>BUSTED URINAL AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe
>>> 07 votes Hagar
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping
>>>have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be
>>>tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up
>>>Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel.
>>>
>>>UNABOMBER SURPRISE
>>>
>>> The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN!
>>>
>>> 13 votes MCP of soc.men
>>> 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard
>>> 04 votes John Fields
>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"?
>>>
>>>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK
>>>
>>> The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life
>>>
>>> 28 votes YES
>>> 03 votes NO
>>>
>>>Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard
>>>"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were
>>>among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no
>>>less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your
>>>idiocy becomes contageous!
>>>
>>>ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET
>>>
>>> We hace a tie!
>>>
>>> 14 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt
>>> 14 votes Sylvia "PSYLVIA" Sullivan
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, sockpuppeteers! Your efforts at trying to hide
>>>yourselves, however transparently, have finally been recognized--PSYLVIA
>>>for her morphing, and Howdy for using an array of self-promoting identities
>>>to post about himself both on USENET and on guestbooks and comment pages.
>>>
>>>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL!
>>>
>>> 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel
>>> 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat
>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi
>>>who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has
>>>faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for
>>>years.
>>>
>>>EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007
>>>
>>> The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung
>>> 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on
>>>Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it
>>>/twice/ now!
>>>
>>>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET!
>>>
>>> 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART,
>>> Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet
>>> 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!!
>>>
>>>HAMMER OF THOR
>>>
>>>The winner is...Wally Anglesea
>>>
>>> 28 votes YES
>>> 00 votes NO
>>>
>>>It's unanimous! All hail Wally!!!1!!!
>>>
>>>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL
>>>
>>> The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>
>>> 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>> 07 votes David Tholen
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of
>>>the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining.
>>>Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding
>>>crocodile tears?
>>>
>>>OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT
>>>
>>> The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL"
>>>
>>> 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll"
>>> 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>> 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>>
>>>Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most
>>>persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years.
>>>Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel!
>>>
>>>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
>>>
>>> The winner is...BRAD GUTH!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Brad Guth
>>> 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung
>>> 08 votes Linda Gore
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced-
>>>out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office.
>>>Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation.
>>>
>>>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS
>>>
>>> The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 14 votes news.groups.proposals
>>>
>>>Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a
>>>group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious
>>>has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good
>>>fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you
>>>together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be
>>>very long.
>>>
>>>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet
>>>Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three
>>>ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded.
>>>Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot
>>>for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but
>>>for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded
>>>paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed
>>>valid and counted.
>>>
>>>See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round
>>>of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and
>>>all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy!
>>>
>>>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner,
>>>Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska!
>>>
>>><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'"
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg
>>></music>
>
>
>Can Llewdellen be nominated again for May?
I posted comments about it, down thread.
I believe Llewdellen could be nominated for mast all of the awards.
saturation. I also think he should also be nominated.
--
Bob Officer
COOSN-266-06-01986
Hammer of Thor, Sept 2005
<ouzo-uzi@drunken_aim.net> wrote:
>On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig, Bob
>Officer did state:
>
>> On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks,
>> Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote:
>>
>>><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare"
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ
>>></music>
>>>
>>>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook
>>>Awards. Envelopes, please!
>>>
>>><music>drumroll</music>
>>>
>>>KOOK OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>> 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II
>>> 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com
>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain
>>>has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally
>>>won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook!
>>>
>>>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 20 votes Gerald C Newton
>>> 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads
>>> 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>> 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to
>>>inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is
>>>a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't
>>>conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts.
>>>
>>>COWARD OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>> 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young
>>> 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 01 votes Linda Gore
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough
>>>campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider
>>>since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know
>>>what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock
>>>it off. Funny how that works.
>>>
>>>LOONEY MAROON AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 19 votes Gerald C Newton
>>> 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>> 05 votes Linda Gore
>>> 01 votes Salvador Astucia
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the
>>>silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in
>>>the web-hosting company doing?
>>>
>>>GOLDEN KILLFILE
>>>
>>> The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>
>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard"
>>> 05 votes Dirk Bruere
>>> 03 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your
>>>companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to
>>>make your poasts disappear as well.
>>>
>>>JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>> 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
>>> 01 votes Respondant
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile
>>>showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever.
>>>Now, back into your cell!
>>>
>>>BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>> 28 votes Gerald C. Newton
>>> 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any
>>>harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you.
>>>
>>>Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the...
>>>
>>>EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD
>>>
>>>"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on
>>>Usenet."
>>>
>>>The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>>>
>>>This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle,
>>>but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving
>>>your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker!
>>>
>>>PALMJOB PADDLE
>>>
>>> The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE!
>>>
>>> 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
>>> 04 votes Crash Street Kidd
>>> 00 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to
>>>prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were
>>>first confined. Some things don't change.
>>>
>>>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>
>>> 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain
>>> 06 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide
>>>how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you
>>>despise.
>>>
>>>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...TOM POTTER!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Tom Potter
>>> 08 votes Greysky
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on
>>>USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of
>>>the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day.
>>>
>>>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
>>>
>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>
>>> 20 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized.
>>>Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/
>>>dimension.
>>>
>>>GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...STEVE CHANEY!
>>>
>>> 12 votes Steve Chaney
>>> 11 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking
>>>your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their
>>>disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest-
>>>beating to the contrary..
>>>
>>>SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART
>>>
>>> The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
>>> 10 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on
>>>USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your
>>>froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom--
>>>you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would
>>>think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers
>>>wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the
>>>reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET.
>>>
>>>TAR & FEATHERS
>>>
>>> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>>>
>>> 14 votes Barbara Schwarz
>>> 09 votes Honest John
>>> 07 votes Linda Gore
>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want
>>>you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with
>>>you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported.
>>>
>>>BUSTED URINAL AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe
>>> 07 votes Hagar
>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping
>>>have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be
>>>tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up
>>>Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel.
>>>
>>>UNABOMBER SURPRISE
>>>
>>> The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN!
>>>
>>> 13 votes MCP of soc.men
>>> 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard
>>> 04 votes John Fields
>>> 02 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"?
>>>
>>>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK
>>>
>>> The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life
>>>
>>> 28 votes YES
>>> 03 votes NO
>>>
>>>Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard
>>>"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were
>>>among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no
>>>less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your
>>>idiocy becomes contageous!
>>>
>>>ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET
>>>
>>> We hace a tie!
>>>
>>> 14 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt
>>> 14 votes Sylvia "PSYLVIA" Sullivan
>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, sockpuppeteers! Your efforts at trying to hide
>>>yourselves, however transparently, have finally been recognized--PSYLVIA
>>>for her morphing, and Howdy for using an array of self-promoting identities
>>>to post about himself both on USENET and on guestbooks and comment pages.
>>>
>>>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL!
>>>
>>> 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel
>>> 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat
>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi
>>>who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has
>>>faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for
>>>years.
>>>
>>>EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007
>>>
>>> The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung
>>> 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>> 01 votes None of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on
>>>Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it
>>>/twice/ now!
>>>
>>>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET!
>>>
>>> 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART,
>>> Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet
>>> 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!!
>>>
>>>HAMMER OF THOR
>>>
>>>The winner is...Wally Anglesea
>>>
>>> 28 votes YES
>>> 00 votes NO
>>>
>>>It's unanimous! All hail Wally!!!1!!!
>>>
>>>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL
>>>
>>> The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>>>
>>> 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
>>> 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
>>> 07 votes David Tholen
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of
>>>the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining.
>>>Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding
>>>crocodile tears?
>>>
>>>OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT
>>>
>>> The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL"
>>>
>>> 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll"
>>> 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
>>> 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>>>
>>>Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most
>>>persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years.
>>>Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel!
>>>
>>>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
>>>
>>> The winner is...BRAD GUTH!
>>>
>>> 18 votes Brad Guth
>>> 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung
>>> 08 votes Linda Gore
>>>
>>>Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced-
>>>out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office.
>>>Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation.
>>>
>>>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS
>>>
>>> The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>>>
>>> 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk
>>> 14 votes news.groups.proposals
>>>
>>>Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a
>>>group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious
>>>has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good
>>>fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you
>>>together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be
>>>very long.
>>>
>>>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet
>>>Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three
>>>ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded.
>>>Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot
>>>for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but
>>>for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded
>>>paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed
>>>valid and counted.
>>>
>>>See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round
>>>of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and
>>>all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy!
>>>
>>>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner,
>>>Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska!
>>>
>>><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'"
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg
>>></music>
>
>
>Can Llewdellen be nominated again for May?
I posted comments about it, down thread.
I believe Llewdellen could be nominated for mast all of the awards.
saturation. I also think he should also be nominated.
--
Bob Officer
COOSN-266-06-01986
Hammer of Thor, Sept 2005
05-09-2007, 03:22 AM
#18
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig,
Lionel did state:
> Of course!
"A'wunnerful, a'wunnerful!"
-- Stan Freberg
Well, I'll be voting!
--
In some circumstances, the refusal to be defeated is a refusal to be educated.
-Margaret Halsey, novelist (1910-1997)
Lionel did state:
> Of course!
"A'wunnerful, a'wunnerful!"
-- Stan Freberg
Well, I'll be voting!
--
In some circumstances, the refusal to be defeated is a refusal to be educated.
-Margaret Halsey, novelist (1910-1997)
05-09-2007, 03:22 AM
#19
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig,
Lionel did state:
> Of course!
"A'wunnerful, a'wunnerful!"
-- Stan Freberg
Well, I'll be voting!
--
In some circumstances, the refusal to be defeated is a refusal to be educated.
-Margaret Halsey, novelist (1910-1997)
Lionel did state:
> Of course!
"A'wunnerful, a'wunnerful!"
-- Stan Freberg
Well, I'll be voting!
--
In some circumstances, the refusal to be defeated is a refusal to be educated.
-Margaret Halsey, novelist (1910-1997)
05-09-2007, 03:22 AM
#20
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007
On this particular day of this month, in the Year Of The Golden Pig,
Lionel did state:
> Of course!
"A'wunnerful, a'wunnerful!"
-- Stan Freberg
Well, I'll be voting!
--
In some circumstances, the refusal to be defeated is a refusal to be educated.
-Margaret Halsey, novelist (1910-1997)
Lionel did state:
> Of course!
"A'wunnerful, a'wunnerful!"
-- Stan Freberg
Well, I'll be voting!
--
In some circumstances, the refusal to be defeated is a refusal to be educated.
-Margaret Halsey, novelist (1910-1997)