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For you tool lovers(OT)
Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of motorcycles... DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...." ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your boot. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength on everything you forgot to disconnect. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the next tool that you will need. EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every deficiency in foresight. -- Old Crow '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" '95 Wrangler YJ TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
ROTFPMP
Snow... "Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of motorcycles... DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...." ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your boot. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength on everything you forgot to disconnect. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the next tool that you will need. EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every deficiency in foresight. -- Old Crow '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" '95 Wrangler YJ TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
ROTFPMP
Snow... "Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of motorcycles... DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...." ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your boot. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength on everything you forgot to disconnect. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the next tool that you will need. EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every deficiency in foresight. -- Old Crow '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" '95 Wrangler YJ TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
ROTFPMP
Snow... "Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of motorcycles... DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...." ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your boot. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength on everything you forgot to disconnect. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the next tool that you will need. EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every deficiency in foresight. -- Old Crow '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" '95 Wrangler YJ TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
That was a great laugh, thanks for sharing!
KJK "Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of motorcycles... DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...." ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your boot. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength on everything you forgot to disconnect. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the next tool that you will need. EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every deficiency in foresight. -- Old Crow '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" '95 Wrangler YJ TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
That was a great laugh, thanks for sharing!
KJK "Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of motorcycles... DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...." ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your boot. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength on everything you forgot to disconnect. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the next tool that you will need. EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every deficiency in foresight. -- Old Crow '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" '95 Wrangler YJ TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
That was a great laugh, thanks for sharing!
KJK "Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of motorcycles... DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...." ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your boot. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength on everything you forgot to disconnect. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the next tool that you will need. EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every deficiency in foresight. -- Old Crow '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" '95 Wrangler YJ TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
Thanks Old Crow for the belly laugh.
As for myself I would add a cell phone at the end "to call for assistance with mortal bleeding". |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
Thanks Old Crow for the belly laugh.
As for myself I would add a cell phone at the end "to call for assistance with mortal bleeding". |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
Thanks Old Crow for the belly laugh.
As for myself I would add a cell phone at the end "to call for assistance with mortal bleeding". |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
Who put the cameras in my shop! That was awesome. Thanks for sharing.
"Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of motorcycles... DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...." ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your boot. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength on everything you forgot to disconnect. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the next tool that you will need. EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every deficiency in foresight. -- Old Crow '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" '95 Wrangler YJ TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
Who put the cameras in my shop! That was awesome. Thanks for sharing.
"Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of motorcycles... DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...." ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your boot. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength on everything you forgot to disconnect. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the next tool that you will need. EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every deficiency in foresight. -- Old Crow '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" '95 Wrangler YJ TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
Who put the cameras in my shop! That was awesome. Thanks for sharing.
"Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of motorcycles... DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...." ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your boot. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength on everything you forgot to disconnect. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the next tool that you will need. EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every deficiency in foresight. -- Old Crow '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" '95 Wrangler YJ TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
I like this post...
Tomes "Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of motorcycles... DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...." ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your boot. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength on everything you forgot to disconnect. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the next tool that you will need. EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every deficiency in foresight. -- Old Crow '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" '95 Wrangler YJ TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
I like this post...
Tomes "Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of motorcycles... DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...." ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your boot. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength on everything you forgot to disconnect. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the next tool that you will need. EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every deficiency in foresight. -- Old Crow '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" '95 Wrangler YJ TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
I like this post...
Tomes "Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of motorcycles... DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...." ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your boot. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength on everything you forgot to disconnect. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the next tool that you will need. EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every deficiency in foresight. -- Old Crow '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" '95 Wrangler YJ TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
popeyeball wrote: > Thanks Old Crow for the belly laugh. > As for myself I would add a cell phone at the end "to call for > assistance with mortal bleeding". Heh, I saw a guy on a Gold Wing last weekend using a phone that might qualify for the list. Crusing through the parking lot, one hand on the handlebars, other holding the phone to his ear...under his helmet! -- Old Crow '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" '95 Wrangler YJ TOMKAT,DOF#51,SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
popeyeball wrote: > Thanks Old Crow for the belly laugh. > As for myself I would add a cell phone at the end "to call for > assistance with mortal bleeding". Heh, I saw a guy on a Gold Wing last weekend using a phone that might qualify for the list. Crusing through the parking lot, one hand on the handlebars, other holding the phone to his ear...under his helmet! -- Old Crow '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" '95 Wrangler YJ TOMKAT,DOF#51,SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
popeyeball wrote: > Thanks Old Crow for the belly laugh. > As for myself I would add a cell phone at the end "to call for > assistance with mortal bleeding". Heh, I saw a guy on a Gold Wing last weekend using a phone that might qualify for the list. Crusing through the parking lot, one hand on the handlebars, other holding the phone to his ear...under his helmet! -- Old Crow '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" '95 Wrangler YJ TOMKAT,DOF#51,SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
ROTFPMP ???????? (roll on the floor pulling my pecker)???? lmao
Jeff "Snow" <snowbal99@sympatico.ca> wrote in message news:iqncf.9673$EK.282952@news20.bellglobal.com... > ROTFPMP > > Snow... > > "Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message > news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... > > Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of > motorcycles... > > > > DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching > flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the > chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against > that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. > > > WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere > under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint > whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you > to say, "Ouch...." > > > ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their > holes until you die of old age. > > > PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. > > > HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board > principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable > motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more > dismal your future becomes. > > > VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is > available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to > the palm of your hand. > > > OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various > flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the > grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. > > > WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars > and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating > that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. > > > HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground > after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack > handle firmly under the bumper. > > > EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an > automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. > > > TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. > > > PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another > hydraulic floor jack. > > > SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for > ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your boot. > > > E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any > known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. > > > TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength > on everything you forgot to disconnect. > > > CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that > inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end > opposite the handle. > > > AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. > > > TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes > called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the > sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. > Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light > bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be > used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. > More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. > > > PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style > paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can > also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. > > > AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a > coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into > compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic > impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years > ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. > > > PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or > bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. > > > HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. > > > HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays > is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive > parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. > > > MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents > of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly > well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic > bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic > parts. > > > DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the > garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the > next tool that you will need. > > > EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which > somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every > deficiency in foresight. > > > -- > Old Crow > '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" > '95 Wrangler YJ > TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 > > |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
ROTFPMP ???????? (roll on the floor pulling my pecker)???? lmao
Jeff "Snow" <snowbal99@sympatico.ca> wrote in message news:iqncf.9673$EK.282952@news20.bellglobal.com... > ROTFPMP > > Snow... > > "Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message > news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... > > Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of > motorcycles... > > > > DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching > flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the > chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against > that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. > > > WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere > under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint > whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you > to say, "Ouch...." > > > ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their > holes until you die of old age. > > > PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. > > > HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board > principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable > motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more > dismal your future becomes. > > > VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is > available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to > the palm of your hand. > > > OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various > flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the > grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. > > > WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars > and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating > that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. > > > HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground > after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack > handle firmly under the bumper. > > > EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an > automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. > > > TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. > > > PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another > hydraulic floor jack. > > > SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for > ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your boot. > > > E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any > known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. > > > TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength > on everything you forgot to disconnect. > > > CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that > inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end > opposite the handle. > > > AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. > > > TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes > called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the > sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. > Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light > bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be > used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. > More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. > > > PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style > paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can > also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. > > > AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a > coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into > compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic > impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years > ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. > > > PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or > bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. > > > HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. > > > HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays > is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive > parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. > > > MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents > of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly > well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic > bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic > parts. > > > DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the > garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the > next tool that you will need. > > > EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which > somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every > deficiency in foresight. > > > -- > Old Crow > '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" > '95 Wrangler YJ > TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 > > |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
ROTFPMP ???????? (roll on the floor pulling my pecker)???? lmao
Jeff "Snow" <snowbal99@sympatico.ca> wrote in message news:iqncf.9673$EK.282952@news20.bellglobal.com... > ROTFPMP > > Snow... > > "Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message > news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... > > Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of > motorcycles... > > > > DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching > flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the > chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against > that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. > > > WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere > under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint > whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you > to say, "Ouch...." > > > ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their > holes until you die of old age. > > > PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. > > > HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board > principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable > motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more > dismal your future becomes. > > > VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is > available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to > the palm of your hand. > > > OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various > flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the > grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. > > > WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars > and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating > that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. > > > HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground > after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack > handle firmly under the bumper. > > > EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an > automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. > > > TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. > > > PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another > hydraulic floor jack. > > > SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for > ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your boot. > > > E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any > known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. > > > TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength > on everything you forgot to disconnect. > > > CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that > inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end > opposite the handle. > > > AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. > > > TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes > called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the > sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. > Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light > bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be > used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. > More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. > > > PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style > paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can > also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. > > > AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a > coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into > compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic > impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years > ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. > > > PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or > bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. > > > HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. > > > HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays > is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive > parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. > > > MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents > of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly > well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic > bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic > parts. > > > DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the > garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the > next tool that you will need. > > > EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which > somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every > deficiency in foresight. > > > -- > Old Crow > '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" > '95 Wrangler YJ > TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 > > |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
4X4PLAY wrote: > ROTFPMP ???????? (roll on the floor pulling my pecker)???? lmao > > Jeff Wax on...Wax off? -- Old Crow '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" '95 Wrangler YJ TOMKAT,DOF#51,SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
4X4PLAY wrote: > ROTFPMP ???????? (roll on the floor pulling my pecker)???? lmao > > Jeff Wax on...Wax off? -- Old Crow '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" '95 Wrangler YJ TOMKAT,DOF#51,SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
4X4PLAY wrote: > ROTFPMP ???????? (roll on the floor pulling my pecker)???? lmao > > Jeff Wax on...Wax off? -- Old Crow '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" '95 Wrangler YJ TOMKAT,DOF#51,SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
"4X4PLAY" <jrhiltz@eastlink.ca> wrote in message news:rlHcf.106167$y_1.41603@edtnps89... : ROTFPMP ???????? (roll on the floor pulling my pecker)???? lmao : : Jeff I'll bet it was "peeing my pants' if you keep pullin on that thang, you're gonna stretch it all out and then it will get wrinkly when it gets cold! LOL KJK : : : : : : : : "Snow" <snowbal99@sympatico.ca> wrote in message : news:iqncf.9673$EK.282952@news20.bellglobal.com... : > ROTFPMP : > : > Snow... : > : > "Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message : > news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... : > : > Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of : > motorcycles... : > : > : > : > DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching : > flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the : > chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against : > that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. : > : > : > WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere : > under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint : > whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you : > to say, "Ouch...." : > : > : > ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their : > holes until you die of old age. : > : > : > PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. : > : > : > HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board : > principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable : > motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more : > dismal your future becomes. : > : > : > VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is : > available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to : > the palm of your hand. : > : > : > OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various : > flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the : > grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. : > : > : > WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars : > and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating : > that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. : > : > : > HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground : > after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack : > handle firmly under the bumper. : > : > : > EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an : > automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. : > : > : > TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. : > : > : > PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another : > hydraulic floor jack. : > : > : > SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for : > ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your boot. : > : > : > E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any : > known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. : > : > : > TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength : > on everything you forgot to disconnect. : > : > : > CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that : > inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end : > opposite the handle. : > : > : > AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. : > : > : > TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes : > called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the : > sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. : > Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light : > bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be : > used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. : > More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. : > : > : > PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style : > paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can : > also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. : > : > : > AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a : > coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into : > compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic : > impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years : > ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. : > : > : > PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or : > bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. : > : > : > HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. : > : > : > HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays : > is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive : > parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. : > : > : > MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents : > of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly : > well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic : > bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic : > parts. : > : > : > DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the : > garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the : > next tool that you will need. : > : > : > EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which : > somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every : > deficiency in foresight. : > : > : > -- : > Old Crow : > '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" : > '95 Wrangler YJ : > TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 : > : > : : |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
"4X4PLAY" <jrhiltz@eastlink.ca> wrote in message news:rlHcf.106167$y_1.41603@edtnps89... : ROTFPMP ???????? (roll on the floor pulling my pecker)???? lmao : : Jeff I'll bet it was "peeing my pants' if you keep pullin on that thang, you're gonna stretch it all out and then it will get wrinkly when it gets cold! LOL KJK : : : : : : : : "Snow" <snowbal99@sympatico.ca> wrote in message : news:iqncf.9673$EK.282952@news20.bellglobal.com... : > ROTFPMP : > : > Snow... : > : > "Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message : > news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... : > : > Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of : > motorcycles... : > : > : > : > DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching : > flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the : > chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against : > that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. : > : > : > WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere : > under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint : > whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you : > to say, "Ouch...." : > : > : > ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their : > holes until you die of old age. : > : > : > PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. : > : > : > HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board : > principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable : > motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more : > dismal your future becomes. : > : > : > VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is : > available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to : > the palm of your hand. : > : > : > OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various : > flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the : > grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. : > : > : > WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars : > and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating : > that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. : > : > : > HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground : > after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack : > handle firmly under the bumper. : > : > : > EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an : > automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. : > : > : > TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. : > : > : > PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another : > hydraulic floor jack. : > : > : > SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for : > ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your boot. : > : > : > E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any : > known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. : > : > : > TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength : > on everything you forgot to disconnect. : > : > : > CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that : > inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end : > opposite the handle. : > : > : > AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. : > : > : > TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes : > called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the : > sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. : > Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light : > bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be : > used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. : > More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. : > : > : > PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style : > paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can : > also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. : > : > : > AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a : > coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into : > compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic : > impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years : > ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. : > : > : > PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or : > bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. : > : > : > HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. : > : > : > HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays : > is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive : > parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. : > : > : > MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents : > of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly : > well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic : > bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic : > parts. : > : > : > DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the : > garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the : > next tool that you will need. : > : > : > EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which : > somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every : > deficiency in foresight. : > : > : > -- : > Old Crow : > '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" : > '95 Wrangler YJ : > TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 : > : > : : |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
"4X4PLAY" <jrhiltz@eastlink.ca> wrote in message news:rlHcf.106167$y_1.41603@edtnps89... : ROTFPMP ???????? (roll on the floor pulling my pecker)???? lmao : : Jeff I'll bet it was "peeing my pants' if you keep pullin on that thang, you're gonna stretch it all out and then it will get wrinkly when it gets cold! LOL KJK : : : : : : : : "Snow" <snowbal99@sympatico.ca> wrote in message : news:iqncf.9673$EK.282952@news20.bellglobal.com... : > ROTFPMP : > : > Snow... : > : > "Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message : > news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... : > : > Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of : > motorcycles... : > : > : > : > DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching : > flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the : > chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against : > that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. : > : > : > WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere : > under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint : > whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you : > to say, "Ouch...." : > : > : > ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their : > holes until you die of old age. : > : > : > PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. : > : > : > HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board : > principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable : > motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more : > dismal your future becomes. : > : > : > VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is : > available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to : > the palm of your hand. : > : > : > OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various : > flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the : > grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. : > : > : > WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars : > and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating : > that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. : > : > : > HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground : > after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack : > handle firmly under the bumper. : > : > : > EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an : > automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. : > : > : > TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. : > : > : > PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another : > hydraulic floor jack. : > : > : > SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for : > ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your boot. : > : > : > E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any : > known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. : > : > : > TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength : > on everything you forgot to disconnect. : > : > : > CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that : > inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end : > opposite the handle. : > : > : > AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. : > : > : > TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes : > called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the : > sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. : > Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light : > bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be : > used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. : > More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. : > : > : > PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style : > paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can : > also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. : > : > : > AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a : > coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into : > compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic : > impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years : > ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. : > : > : > PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or : > bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. : > : > : > HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. : > : > : > HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays : > is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive : > parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. : > : > : > MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents : > of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly : > well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic : > bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic : > parts. : > : > : > DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the : > garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the : > next tool that you will need. : > : > : > EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which : > somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every : > deficiency in foresight. : > : > : > -- : > Old Crow : > '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" : > '95 Wrangler YJ : > TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 : > : > : : |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
Bingo for the lady ..
too cold up here to have anything hanging out. Snow... "KJ.Kate" <KJ.Kate@WhoseHotMail.com> wrote in message news:hp5df.4307$xK1.711@bignews7.bellsouth.net... > > "4X4PLAY" <jrhiltz@eastlink.ca> wrote in message > news:rlHcf.106167$y_1.41603@edtnps89... > : ROTFPMP ???????? (roll on the floor pulling my pecker)???? lmao > : > : Jeff > > > I'll bet it was "peeing my pants' > if you keep pullin on that thang, you're gonna stretch it all out and then > it will get wrinkly when it gets cold! > > > LOL > > KJK > > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : "Snow" <snowbal99@sympatico.ca> wrote in message > : news:iqncf.9673$EK.282952@news20.bellglobal.com... > : > ROTFPMP > : > > : > Snow... > : > > : > "Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message > : > news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... > : > > : > Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of > : > motorcycles... > : > > : > > : > > : > DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching > : > flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the > : > chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against > : > that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. > : > > : > > : > WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere > : > under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint > : > whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you > : > to say, "Ouch...." > : > > : > > : > ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their > : > holes until you die of old age. > : > > : > > : > PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. > : > > : > > : > HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board > : > principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable > : > motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more > : > dismal your future becomes. > : > > : > > : > VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is > : > available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to > : > the palm of your hand. > : > > : > > : > OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various > : > flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the > : > grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. > : > > : > > : > WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars > : > and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating > : > that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. > : > > : > > : > HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground > : > after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack > : > handle firmly under the bumper. > : > > : > > : > EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an > : > automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. > : > > : > > : > TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. > : > > : > > : > PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another > : > hydraulic floor jack. > : > > : > > : > SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for > : > ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your boot. > : > > : > > : > E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any > : > known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. > : > > : > > : > TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength > : > on everything you forgot to disconnect. > : > > : > > : > CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that > : > inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end > : > opposite the handle. > : > > : > > : > AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. > : > > : > > : > TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes > : > called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the > : > sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. > : > Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light > : > bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be > : > used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. > : > More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. > : > > : > > : > PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style > : > paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can > : > also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. > : > > : > > : > AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a > : > coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into > : > compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic > : > impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years > : > ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. > : > > : > > : > PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or > : > bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. > : > > : > > : > HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. > : > > : > > : > HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays > : > is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive > : > parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. > : > > : > > : > MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents > : > of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly > : > well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic > : > bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic > : > parts. > : > > : > > : > DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the > : > garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the > : > next tool that you will need. > : > > : > > : > EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which > : > somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every > : > deficiency in foresight. > : > > : > > : > -- > : > Old Crow > : > '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" > : > '95 Wrangler YJ > : > TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 > : > > : > > : > : > > |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
Bingo for the lady ..
too cold up here to have anything hanging out. Snow... "KJ.Kate" <KJ.Kate@WhoseHotMail.com> wrote in message news:hp5df.4307$xK1.711@bignews7.bellsouth.net... > > "4X4PLAY" <jrhiltz@eastlink.ca> wrote in message > news:rlHcf.106167$y_1.41603@edtnps89... > : ROTFPMP ???????? (roll on the floor pulling my pecker)???? lmao > : > : Jeff > > > I'll bet it was "peeing my pants' > if you keep pullin on that thang, you're gonna stretch it all out and then > it will get wrinkly when it gets cold! > > > LOL > > KJK > > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : "Snow" <snowbal99@sympatico.ca> wrote in message > : news:iqncf.9673$EK.282952@news20.bellglobal.com... > : > ROTFPMP > : > > : > Snow... > : > > : > "Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message > : > news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... > : > > : > Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of > : > motorcycles... > : > > : > > : > > : > DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching > : > flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the > : > chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against > : > that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. > : > > : > > : > WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere > : > under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint > : > whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you > : > to say, "Ouch...." > : > > : > > : > ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their > : > holes until you die of old age. > : > > : > > : > PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. > : > > : > > : > HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board > : > principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable > : > motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more > : > dismal your future becomes. > : > > : > > : > VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is > : > available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to > : > the palm of your hand. > : > > : > > : > OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various > : > flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the > : > grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. > : > > : > > : > WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars > : > and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating > : > that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. > : > > : > > : > HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground > : > after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack > : > handle firmly under the bumper. > : > > : > > : > EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an > : > automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. > : > > : > > : > TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. > : > > : > > : > PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another > : > hydraulic floor jack. > : > > : > > : > SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for > : > ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your boot. > : > > : > > : > E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any > : > known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. > : > > : > > : > TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength > : > on everything you forgot to disconnect. > : > > : > > : > CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that > : > inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end > : > opposite the handle. > : > > : > > : > AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. > : > > : > > : > TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes > : > called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the > : > sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. > : > Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light > : > bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be > : > used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. > : > More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. > : > > : > > : > PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style > : > paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can > : > also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. > : > > : > > : > AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a > : > coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into > : > compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic > : > impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years > : > ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. > : > > : > > : > PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or > : > bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. > : > > : > > : > HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. > : > > : > > : > HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays > : > is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive > : > parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. > : > > : > > : > MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents > : > of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly > : > well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic > : > bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic > : > parts. > : > > : > > : > DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the > : > garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the > : > next tool that you will need. > : > > : > > : > EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which > : > somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every > : > deficiency in foresight. > : > > : > > : > -- > : > Old Crow > : > '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" > : > '95 Wrangler YJ > : > TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 > : > > : > > : > : > > |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
Bingo for the lady ..
too cold up here to have anything hanging out. Snow... "KJ.Kate" <KJ.Kate@WhoseHotMail.com> wrote in message news:hp5df.4307$xK1.711@bignews7.bellsouth.net... > > "4X4PLAY" <jrhiltz@eastlink.ca> wrote in message > news:rlHcf.106167$y_1.41603@edtnps89... > : ROTFPMP ???????? (roll on the floor pulling my pecker)???? lmao > : > : Jeff > > > I'll bet it was "peeing my pants' > if you keep pullin on that thang, you're gonna stretch it all out and then > it will get wrinkly when it gets cold! > > > LOL > > KJK > > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : "Snow" <snowbal99@sympatico.ca> wrote in message > : news:iqncf.9673$EK.282952@news20.bellglobal.com... > : > ROTFPMP > : > > : > Snow... > : > > : > "Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message > : > news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... > : > > : > Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of > : > motorcycles... > : > > : > > : > > : > DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching > : > flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the > : > chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against > : > that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. > : > > : > > : > WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere > : > under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint > : > whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you > : > to say, "Ouch...." > : > > : > > : > ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their > : > holes until you die of old age. > : > > : > > : > PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. > : > > : > > : > HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board > : > principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable > : > motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more > : > dismal your future becomes. > : > > : > > : > VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is > : > available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to > : > the palm of your hand. > : > > : > > : > OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various > : > flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the > : > grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. > : > > : > > : > WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars > : > and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating > : > that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. > : > > : > > : > HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground > : > after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack > : > handle firmly under the bumper. > : > > : > > : > EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an > : > automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. > : > > : > > : > TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. > : > > : > > : > PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another > : > hydraulic floor jack. > : > > : > > : > SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for > : > ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your boot. > : > > : > > : > E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any > : > known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. > : > > : > > : > TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength > : > on everything you forgot to disconnect. > : > > : > > : > CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that > : > inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end > : > opposite the handle. > : > > : > > : > AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. > : > > : > > : > TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes > : > called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the > : > sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. > : > Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light > : > bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be > : > used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. > : > More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. > : > > : > > : > PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style > : > paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can > : > also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. > : > > : > > : > AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a > : > coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into > : > compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic > : > impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years > : > ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. > : > > : > > : > PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or > : > bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. > : > > : > > : > HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. > : > > : > > : > HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays > : > is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive > : > parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. > : > > : > > : > MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents > : > of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly > : > well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic > : > bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic > : > parts. > : > > : > > : > DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the > : > garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the > : > next tool that you will need. > : > > : > > : > EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which > : > somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every > : > deficiency in foresight. > : > > : > > : > -- > : > Old Crow > : > '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" > : > '95 Wrangler YJ > : > TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 > : > > : > > : > : > > |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
I think you may have misptyped...you added a "C" to the word "old"...
"KJ.Kate" <KJ.Kate@WhoseHotMail.com> wrote in message news:hp5df.4307$xK1.711@bignews7.bellsouth.net... > > "4X4PLAY" <jrhiltz@eastlink.ca> wrote in message > news:rlHcf.106167$y_1.41603@edtnps89... > : ROTFPMP ???????? (roll on the floor pulling my pecker)???? lmao > : > : Jeff > > > I'll bet it was "peeing my pants' > if you keep pullin on that thang, you're gonna stretch it all out and then > it will get wrinkly when it gets cold! > > > LOL > > KJK > > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : "Snow" <snowbal99@sympatico.ca> wrote in message > : news:iqncf.9673$EK.282952@news20.bellglobal.com... > : > ROTFPMP > : > > : > Snow... > : > > : > "Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message > : > news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... > : > > : > Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of > : > motorcycles... > : > > : > > : > > : > DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching > : > flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the > : > chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against > : > that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. > : > > : > > : > WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere > : > under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint > : > whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you > : > to say, "Ouch...." > : > > : > > : > ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their > : > holes until you die of old age. > : > > : > > : > PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. > : > > : > > : > HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board > : > principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable > : > motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more > : > dismal your future becomes. > : > > : > > : > VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is > : > available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to > : > the palm of your hand. > : > > : > > : > OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various > : > flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the > : > grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. > : > > : > > : > WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars > : > and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating > : > that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. > : > > : > > : > HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground > : > after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack > : > handle firmly under the bumper. > : > > : > > : > EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an > : > automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. > : > > : > > : > TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. > : > > : > > : > PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another > : > hydraulic floor jack. > : > > : > > : > SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for > : > ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your boot. > : > > : > > : > E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any > : > known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. > : > > : > > : > TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength > : > on everything you forgot to disconnect. > : > > : > > : > CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that > : > inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end > : > opposite the handle. > : > > : > > : > AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. > : > > : > > : > TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes > : > called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the > : > sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. > : > Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light > : > bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be > : > used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. > : > More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. > : > > : > > : > PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style > : > paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can > : > also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. > : > > : > > : > AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a > : > coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into > : > compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic > : > impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years > : > ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. > : > > : > > : > PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or > : > bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. > : > > : > > : > HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. > : > > : > > : > HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays > : > is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive > : > parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. > : > > : > > : > MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents > : > of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly > : > well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic > : > bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic > : > parts. > : > > : > > : > DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the > : > garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the > : > next tool that you will need. > : > > : > > : > EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which > : > somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every > : > deficiency in foresight. > : > > : > > : > -- > : > Old Crow > : > '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" > : > '95 Wrangler YJ > : > TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 > : > > : > > : > : > > |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
I think you may have misptyped...you added a "C" to the word "old"...
"KJ.Kate" <KJ.Kate@WhoseHotMail.com> wrote in message news:hp5df.4307$xK1.711@bignews7.bellsouth.net... > > "4X4PLAY" <jrhiltz@eastlink.ca> wrote in message > news:rlHcf.106167$y_1.41603@edtnps89... > : ROTFPMP ???????? (roll on the floor pulling my pecker)???? lmao > : > : Jeff > > > I'll bet it was "peeing my pants' > if you keep pullin on that thang, you're gonna stretch it all out and then > it will get wrinkly when it gets cold! > > > LOL > > KJK > > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : "Snow" <snowbal99@sympatico.ca> wrote in message > : news:iqncf.9673$EK.282952@news20.bellglobal.com... > : > ROTFPMP > : > > : > Snow... > : > > : > "Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message > : > news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... > : > > : > Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of > : > motorcycles... > : > > : > > : > > : > DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching > : > flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the > : > chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against > : > that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. > : > > : > > : > WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere > : > under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint > : > whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you > : > to say, "Ouch...." > : > > : > > : > ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their > : > holes until you die of old age. > : > > : > > : > PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. > : > > : > > : > HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board > : > principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable > : > motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more > : > dismal your future becomes. > : > > : > > : > VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is > : > available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to > : > the palm of your hand. > : > > : > > : > OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various > : > flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the > : > grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. > : > > : > > : > WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars > : > and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating > : > that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. > : > > : > > : > HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground > : > after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack > : > handle firmly under the bumper. > : > > : > > : > EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an > : > automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. > : > > : > > : > TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. > : > > : > > : > PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another > : > hydraulic floor jack. > : > > : > > : > SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for > : > ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your boot. > : > > : > > : > E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any > : > known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. > : > > : > > : > TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength > : > on everything you forgot to disconnect. > : > > : > > : > CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that > : > inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end > : > opposite the handle. > : > > : > > : > AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. > : > > : > > : > TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes > : > called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the > : > sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. > : > Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light > : > bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be > : > used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. > : > More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. > : > > : > > : > PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style > : > paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can > : > also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. > : > > : > > : > AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a > : > coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into > : > compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic > : > impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years > : > ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. > : > > : > > : > PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or > : > bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. > : > > : > > : > HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. > : > > : > > : > HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays > : > is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive > : > parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. > : > > : > > : > MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents > : > of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly > : > well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic > : > bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic > : > parts. > : > > : > > : > DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the > : > garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the > : > next tool that you will need. > : > > : > > : > EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which > : > somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every > : > deficiency in foresight. > : > > : > > : > -- > : > Old Crow > : > '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" > : > '95 Wrangler YJ > : > TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 > : > > : > > : > : > > |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
I think you may have misptyped...you added a "C" to the word "old"...
"KJ.Kate" <KJ.Kate@WhoseHotMail.com> wrote in message news:hp5df.4307$xK1.711@bignews7.bellsouth.net... > > "4X4PLAY" <jrhiltz@eastlink.ca> wrote in message > news:rlHcf.106167$y_1.41603@edtnps89... > : ROTFPMP ???????? (roll on the floor pulling my pecker)???? lmao > : > : Jeff > > > I'll bet it was "peeing my pants' > if you keep pullin on that thang, you're gonna stretch it all out and then > it will get wrinkly when it gets cold! > > > LOL > > KJK > > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : "Snow" <snowbal99@sympatico.ca> wrote in message > : news:iqncf.9673$EK.282952@news20.bellglobal.com... > : > ROTFPMP > : > > : > Snow... > : > > : > "Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message > : > news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... > : > > : > Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of > : > motorcycles... > : > > : > > : > > : > DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching > : > flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the > : > chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against > : > that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. > : > > : > > : > WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere > : > under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint > : > whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you > : > to say, "Ouch...." > : > > : > > : > ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their > : > holes until you die of old age. > : > > : > > : > PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. > : > > : > > : > HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board > : > principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable > : > motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more > : > dismal your future becomes. > : > > : > > : > VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is > : > available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to > : > the palm of your hand. > : > > : > > : > OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various > : > flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the > : > grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. > : > > : > > : > WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars > : > and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating > : > that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. > : > > : > > : > HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground > : > after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack > : > handle firmly under the bumper. > : > > : > > : > EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an > : > automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. > : > > : > > : > TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. > : > > : > > : > PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another > : > hydraulic floor jack. > : > > : > > : > SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for > : > ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your boot. > : > > : > > : > E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any > : > known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. > : > > : > > : > TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength > : > on everything you forgot to disconnect. > : > > : > > : > CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that > : > inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end > : > opposite the handle. > : > > : > > : > AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. > : > > : > > : > TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes > : > called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the > : > sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. > : > Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light > : > bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be > : > used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. > : > More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. > : > > : > > : > PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style > : > paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can > : > also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. > : > > : > > : > AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a > : > coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into > : > compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic > : > impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years > : > ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. > : > > : > > : > PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or > : > bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. > : > > : > > : > HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. > : > > : > > : > HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays > : > is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive > : > parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. > : > > : > > : > MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents > : > of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly > : > well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic > : > bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic > : > parts. > : > > : > > : > DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the > : > garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the > : > next tool that you will need. > : > > : > > : > EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which > : > somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every > : > deficiency in foresight. > : > > : > > : > -- > : > Old Crow > : > '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" > : > '95 Wrangler YJ > : > TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 > : > > : > > : > : > > |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
*smirk*
Ummm... let me think... Well, I don't have any -ehm- first hand experience but after closer observation of the subject I am thinking ... either way. LOL Matt, you are a screwball. KJK "Matt Macchiarolo" <matt@nospamplease.com> wrote in message news:ttSdnSSGuNASYerenZ2dnUVZ_t2dnZ2d@comcast.com. .. :I think you may have misptyped...you added a "C" to the word "old"... : : "KJ.Kate" <KJ.Kate@WhoseHotMail.com> wrote in message : news:hp5df.4307$xK1.711@bignews7.bellsouth.net... : > : > "4X4PLAY" <jrhiltz@eastlink.ca> wrote in message : > news:rlHcf.106167$y_1.41603@edtnps89... : > : ROTFPMP ???????? (roll on the floor pulling my pecker)???? lmao : > : : > : Jeff : > : > : > I'll bet it was "peeing my pants' : > if you keep pullin on that thang, you're gonna stretch it all out and then : > it will get wrinkly when it gets cold! : > : > : > LOL : > : > KJK : > : > : : > : : > : : > : : > : : > : : > : : > : "Snow" <snowbal99@sympatico.ca> wrote in message : > : news:iqncf.9673$EK.282952@news20.bellglobal.com... : > : > ROTFPMP : > : > : > : > Snow... : > : > : > : > "Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message : > : > news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... : > : > : > : > Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of : > : > motorcycles... : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching : > : > flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the : > : > chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against : > : > that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. : > : > : > : > : > : > WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere : > : > under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint : > : > whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you : > : > to say, "Ouch...." : > : > : > : > : > : > ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their : > : > holes until you die of old age. : > : > : > : > : > : > PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. : > : > : > : > : > : > HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board : > : > principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable : > : > motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more : > : > dismal your future becomes. : > : > : > : > : > : > VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is : > : > available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to : > : > the palm of your hand. : > : > : > : > : > : > OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various : > : > flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the : > : > grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. : > : > : > : > : > : > WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars : > : > and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating : > : > that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. : > : > : > : > : > : > HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground : > : > after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack : > : > handle firmly under the bumper. : > : > : > : > : > : > EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an : > : > automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. : > : > : > : > : > : > TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. : > : > : > : > : > : > PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another : > : > hydraulic floor jack. : > : > : > : > : > : > SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for : > : > ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your boot. : > : > : > : > : > : > E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any : > : > known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. : > : > : > : > : > : > TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength : > : > on everything you forgot to disconnect. : > : > : > : > : > : > CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that : > : > inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end : > : > opposite the handle. : > : > : > : > : > : > AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. : > : > : > : > : > : > TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes : > : > called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the : > : > sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. : > : > Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light : > : > bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be : > : > used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. : > : > More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. : > : > : > : > : > : > PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style : > : > paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can : > : > also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. : > : > : > : > : > : > AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a : > : > coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into : > : > compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic : > : > impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years : > : > ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. : > : > : > : > : > : > PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or : > : > bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. : > : > : > : > : > : > HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. : > : > : > : > : > : > HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays : > : > is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive : > : > parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. : > : > : > : > : > : > MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents : > : > of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly : > : > well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic : > : > bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic : > : > parts. : > : > : > : > : > : > DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the : > : > garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the : > : > next tool that you will need. : > : > : > : > : > : > EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which : > : > somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every : > : > deficiency in foresight. : > : > : > : > : > : > -- : > : > Old Crow : > : > '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" : > : > '95 Wrangler YJ : > : > TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 : > : > : > : > : > : : > : : > : > : : |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
*smirk*
Ummm... let me think... Well, I don't have any -ehm- first hand experience but after closer observation of the subject I am thinking ... either way. LOL Matt, you are a screwball. KJK "Matt Macchiarolo" <matt@nospamplease.com> wrote in message news:ttSdnSSGuNASYerenZ2dnUVZ_t2dnZ2d@comcast.com. .. :I think you may have misptyped...you added a "C" to the word "old"... : : "KJ.Kate" <KJ.Kate@WhoseHotMail.com> wrote in message : news:hp5df.4307$xK1.711@bignews7.bellsouth.net... : > : > "4X4PLAY" <jrhiltz@eastlink.ca> wrote in message : > news:rlHcf.106167$y_1.41603@edtnps89... : > : ROTFPMP ???????? (roll on the floor pulling my pecker)???? lmao : > : : > : Jeff : > : > : > I'll bet it was "peeing my pants' : > if you keep pullin on that thang, you're gonna stretch it all out and then : > it will get wrinkly when it gets cold! : > : > : > LOL : > : > KJK : > : > : : > : : > : : > : : > : : > : : > : : > : "Snow" <snowbal99@sympatico.ca> wrote in message : > : news:iqncf.9673$EK.282952@news20.bellglobal.com... : > : > ROTFPMP : > : > : > : > Snow... : > : > : > : > "Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message : > : > news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... : > : > : > : > Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of : > : > motorcycles... : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching : > : > flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the : > : > chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against : > : > that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. : > : > : > : > : > : > WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere : > : > under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint : > : > whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you : > : > to say, "Ouch...." : > : > : > : > : > : > ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their : > : > holes until you die of old age. : > : > : > : > : > : > PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. : > : > : > : > : > : > HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board : > : > principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable : > : > motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more : > : > dismal your future becomes. : > : > : > : > : > : > VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is : > : > available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to : > : > the palm of your hand. : > : > : > : > : > : > OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various : > : > flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the : > : > grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. : > : > : > : > : > : > WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars : > : > and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating : > : > that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. : > : > : > : > : > : > HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground : > : > after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack : > : > handle firmly under the bumper. : > : > : > : > : > : > EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an : > : > automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. : > : > : > : > : > : > TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. : > : > : > : > : > : > PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another : > : > hydraulic floor jack. : > : > : > : > : > : > SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for : > : > ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your boot. : > : > : > : > : > : > E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any : > : > known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. : > : > : > : > : > : > TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength : > : > on everything you forgot to disconnect. : > : > : > : > : > : > CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that : > : > inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end : > : > opposite the handle. : > : > : > : > : > : > AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. : > : > : > : > : > : > TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes : > : > called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the : > : > sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. : > : > Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light : > : > bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be : > : > used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. : > : > More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. : > : > : > : > : > : > PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style : > : > paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can : > : > also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. : > : > : > : > : > : > AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a : > : > coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into : > : > compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic : > : > impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years : > : > ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. : > : > : > : > : > : > PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or : > : > bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. : > : > : > : > : > : > HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. : > : > : > : > : > : > HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays : > : > is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive : > : > parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. : > : > : > : > : > : > MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents : > : > of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly : > : > well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic : > : > bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic : > : > parts. : > : > : > : > : > : > DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the : > : > garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the : > : > next tool that you will need. : > : > : > : > : > : > EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which : > : > somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every : > : > deficiency in foresight. : > : > : > : > : > : > -- : > : > Old Crow : > : > '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" : > : > '95 Wrangler YJ : > : > TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 : > : > : > : > : > : : > : : > : > : : |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
*smirk*
Ummm... let me think... Well, I don't have any -ehm- first hand experience but after closer observation of the subject I am thinking ... either way. LOL Matt, you are a screwball. KJK "Matt Macchiarolo" <matt@nospamplease.com> wrote in message news:ttSdnSSGuNASYerenZ2dnUVZ_t2dnZ2d@comcast.com. .. :I think you may have misptyped...you added a "C" to the word "old"... : : "KJ.Kate" <KJ.Kate@WhoseHotMail.com> wrote in message : news:hp5df.4307$xK1.711@bignews7.bellsouth.net... : > : > "4X4PLAY" <jrhiltz@eastlink.ca> wrote in message : > news:rlHcf.106167$y_1.41603@edtnps89... : > : ROTFPMP ???????? (roll on the floor pulling my pecker)???? lmao : > : : > : Jeff : > : > : > I'll bet it was "peeing my pants' : > if you keep pullin on that thang, you're gonna stretch it all out and then : > it will get wrinkly when it gets cold! : > : > : > LOL : > : > KJK : > : > : : > : : > : : > : : > : : > : : > : : > : "Snow" <snowbal99@sympatico.ca> wrote in message : > : news:iqncf.9673$EK.282952@news20.bellglobal.com... : > : > ROTFPMP : > : > : > : > Snow... : > : > : > : > "Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message : > : > news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... : > : > : > : > Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of : > : > motorcycles... : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching : > : > flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the : > : > chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against : > : > that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. : > : > : > : > : > : > WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere : > : > under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint : > : > whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you : > : > to say, "Ouch...." : > : > : > : > : > : > ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their : > : > holes until you die of old age. : > : > : > : > : > : > PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. : > : > : > : > : > : > HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board : > : > principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable : > : > motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more : > : > dismal your future becomes. : > : > : > : > : > : > VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is : > : > available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to : > : > the palm of your hand. : > : > : > : > : > : > OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various : > : > flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the : > : > grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. : > : > : > : > : > : > WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars : > : > and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating : > : > that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. : > : > : > : > : > : > HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground : > : > after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack : > : > handle firmly under the bumper. : > : > : > : > : > : > EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an : > : > automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. : > : > : > : > : > : > TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. : > : > : > : > : > : > PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another : > : > hydraulic floor jack. : > : > : > : > : > : > SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for : > : > ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your boot. : > : > : > : > : > : > E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any : > : > known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. : > : > : > : > : > : > TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength : > : > on everything you forgot to disconnect. : > : > : > : > : > : > CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that : > : > inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end : > : > opposite the handle. : > : > : > : > : > : > AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. : > : > : > : > : > : > TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes : > : > called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the : > : > sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. : > : > Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light : > : > bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be : > : > used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. : > : > More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. : > : > : > : > : > : > PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style : > : > paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can : > : > also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. : > : > : > : > : > : > AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a : > : > coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into : > : > compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic : > : > impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years : > : > ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. : > : > : > : > : > : > PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or : > : > bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. : > : > : > : > : > : > HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. : > : > : > : > : > : > HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays : > : > is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive : > : > parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. : > : > : > : > : > : > MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents : > : > of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly : > : > well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic : > : > bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic : > : > parts. : > : > : > : > : > : > DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the : > : > garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the : > : > next tool that you will need. : > : > : > : > : > : > EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which : > : > somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every : > : > deficiency in foresight. : > : > : > : > : > : > -- : > : > Old Crow : > : > '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" : > : > '95 Wrangler YJ : > : > TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 : > : > : > : > : > : : > : : > : > : : |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
So would that be "second hand" experiance then?
On Mon, 14 Nov 2005 08:02:28 -0600, "KJ.Kate" <KJ.Kate@WhoseHotMail.com> wrote: >>*smirk* >> >>Ummm... let me think... >>Well, I don't have any -ehm- first hand experience >>but after closer observation of the subject I am thinking ... either way. >> >>LOL >>Matt, you are a screwball. >> >>KJK >> >> >>"Matt Macchiarolo" <matt@nospamplease.com> wrote in message >>news:ttSdnSSGuNASYerenZ2dnUVZ_t2dnZ2d@comcast.co m... >>:I think you may have misptyped...you added a "C" to the word "old"... >>: >>: "KJ.Kate" <KJ.Kate@WhoseHotMail.com> wrote in message >>: news:hp5df.4307$xK1.711@bignews7.bellsouth.net... >>: > >>: > "4X4PLAY" <jrhiltz@eastlink.ca> wrote in message >>: > news:rlHcf.106167$y_1.41603@edtnps89... >>: > : ROTFPMP ???????? (roll on the floor pulling my pecker)???? lmao >>: > : >>: > : Jeff >>: > >>: > >>: > I'll bet it was "peeing my pants' >>: > if you keep pullin on that thang, you're gonna stretch it all out and >>then >>: > it will get wrinkly when it gets cold! >>: > >>: > >>: > LOL >>: > >>: > KJK >>: > >>: > : >>: > : >>: > : >>: > : >>: > : >>: > : >>: > : >>: > : "Snow" <snowbal99@sympatico.ca> wrote in message >>: > : news:iqncf.9673$EK.282952@news20.bellglobal.com... >>: > : > ROTFPMP >>: > : > >>: > : > Snow... >>: > : > >>: > : > "Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message >>: > : > news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... >>: > : > >>: > : > Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of >>: > : > motorcycles... >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly >>snatching >>: > : > flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in >>the >>: > : > chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it >>against >>: > : > that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them >>somewhere >>: > : > under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes >>fingerprint >>: > : > whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes >>you >>: > : > to say, "Ouch...." >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in >>their >>: > : > holes until you die of old age. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board >>: > : > principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable >>: > : > motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more >>: > : > dismal your future becomes. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is >>: > : > available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to >>: > : > the palm of your hand. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various >>: > : > flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting >>the >>: > : > grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars >>: > : > and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating >>: > : > that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 >>minutes. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground >>: > : > after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the >>jack >>: > : > handle firmly under the bumper. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an >>: > : > automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another >>: > : > hydraulic floor jack. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool >>for >>: > : > ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your >>boot. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than >>any >>: > : > known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use >>anyway. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile >>strength >>: > : > on everything you forgot to disconnect. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that >>: > : > inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end >>: > : > opposite the handle. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. >>Sometimes >>: > : > called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the >>: > : > sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at >>night. >>: > : > Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt >>light >>: > : > bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be >>: > : > used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. >>: > : > More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of >>old-style >>: > : > paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can >>: > : > also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw >>heads. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a >>: > : > coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into >>: > : > compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic >>: > : > impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years >>: > : > ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip >>or >>: > : > bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer >>nowadays >>: > : > is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive >>: > : > parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the >>contents >>: > : > of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works >>particularly >>: > : > well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in >>plastic >>: > : > bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic >>: > : > parts. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the >>: > : > garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also >>the >>: > : > next tool that you will need. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which >>: > : > somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every >>: > : > deficiency in foresight. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > -- >>: > : > Old Crow >>: > : > '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" >>: > : > '95 Wrangler YJ >>: > : > TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : >>: > : >>: > >>: > >>: >>: >> |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
So would that be "second hand" experiance then?
On Mon, 14 Nov 2005 08:02:28 -0600, "KJ.Kate" <KJ.Kate@WhoseHotMail.com> wrote: >>*smirk* >> >>Ummm... let me think... >>Well, I don't have any -ehm- first hand experience >>but after closer observation of the subject I am thinking ... either way. >> >>LOL >>Matt, you are a screwball. >> >>KJK >> >> >>"Matt Macchiarolo" <matt@nospamplease.com> wrote in message >>news:ttSdnSSGuNASYerenZ2dnUVZ_t2dnZ2d@comcast.co m... >>:I think you may have misptyped...you added a "C" to the word "old"... >>: >>: "KJ.Kate" <KJ.Kate@WhoseHotMail.com> wrote in message >>: news:hp5df.4307$xK1.711@bignews7.bellsouth.net... >>: > >>: > "4X4PLAY" <jrhiltz@eastlink.ca> wrote in message >>: > news:rlHcf.106167$y_1.41603@edtnps89... >>: > : ROTFPMP ???????? (roll on the floor pulling my pecker)???? lmao >>: > : >>: > : Jeff >>: > >>: > >>: > I'll bet it was "peeing my pants' >>: > if you keep pullin on that thang, you're gonna stretch it all out and >>then >>: > it will get wrinkly when it gets cold! >>: > >>: > >>: > LOL >>: > >>: > KJK >>: > >>: > : >>: > : >>: > : >>: > : >>: > : >>: > : >>: > : >>: > : "Snow" <snowbal99@sympatico.ca> wrote in message >>: > : news:iqncf.9673$EK.282952@news20.bellglobal.com... >>: > : > ROTFPMP >>: > : > >>: > : > Snow... >>: > : > >>: > : > "Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message >>: > : > news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... >>: > : > >>: > : > Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of >>: > : > motorcycles... >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly >>snatching >>: > : > flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in >>the >>: > : > chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it >>against >>: > : > that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them >>somewhere >>: > : > under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes >>fingerprint >>: > : > whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes >>you >>: > : > to say, "Ouch...." >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in >>their >>: > : > holes until you die of old age. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board >>: > : > principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable >>: > : > motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more >>: > : > dismal your future becomes. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is >>: > : > available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to >>: > : > the palm of your hand. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various >>: > : > flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting >>the >>: > : > grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars >>: > : > and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating >>: > : > that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 >>minutes. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground >>: > : > after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the >>jack >>: > : > handle firmly under the bumper. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an >>: > : > automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another >>: > : > hydraulic floor jack. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool >>for >>: > : > ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your >>boot. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than >>any >>: > : > known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use >>anyway. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile >>strength >>: > : > on everything you forgot to disconnect. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that >>: > : > inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end >>: > : > opposite the handle. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. >>Sometimes >>: > : > called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the >>: > : > sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at >>night. >>: > : > Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt >>light >>: > : > bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be >>: > : > used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. >>: > : > More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of >>old-style >>: > : > paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can >>: > : > also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw >>heads. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a >>: > : > coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into >>: > : > compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic >>: > : > impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years >>: > : > ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip >>or >>: > : > bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer >>nowadays >>: > : > is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive >>: > : > parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the >>contents >>: > : > of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works >>particularly >>: > : > well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in >>plastic >>: > : > bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic >>: > : > parts. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the >>: > : > garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also >>the >>: > : > next tool that you will need. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which >>: > : > somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every >>: > : > deficiency in foresight. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > -- >>: > : > Old Crow >>: > : > '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" >>: > : > '95 Wrangler YJ >>: > : > TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : >>: > : >>: > >>: > >>: >>: >> |
Re: For you tool lovers(OT)
So would that be "second hand" experiance then?
On Mon, 14 Nov 2005 08:02:28 -0600, "KJ.Kate" <KJ.Kate@WhoseHotMail.com> wrote: >>*smirk* >> >>Ummm... let me think... >>Well, I don't have any -ehm- first hand experience >>but after closer observation of the subject I am thinking ... either way. >> >>LOL >>Matt, you are a screwball. >> >>KJK >> >> >>"Matt Macchiarolo" <matt@nospamplease.com> wrote in message >>news:ttSdnSSGuNASYerenZ2dnUVZ_t2dnZ2d@comcast.co m... >>:I think you may have misptyped...you added a "C" to the word "old"... >>: >>: "KJ.Kate" <KJ.Kate@WhoseHotMail.com> wrote in message >>: news:hp5df.4307$xK1.711@bignews7.bellsouth.net... >>: > >>: > "4X4PLAY" <jrhiltz@eastlink.ca> wrote in message >>: > news:rlHcf.106167$y_1.41603@edtnps89... >>: > : ROTFPMP ???????? (roll on the floor pulling my pecker)???? lmao >>: > : >>: > : Jeff >>: > >>: > >>: > I'll bet it was "peeing my pants' >>: > if you keep pullin on that thang, you're gonna stretch it all out and >>then >>: > it will get wrinkly when it gets cold! >>: > >>: > >>: > LOL >>: > >>: > KJK >>: > >>: > : >>: > : >>: > : >>: > : >>: > : >>: > : >>: > : >>: > : "Snow" <snowbal99@sympatico.ca> wrote in message >>: > : news:iqncf.9673$EK.282952@news20.bellglobal.com... >>: > : > ROTFPMP >>: > : > >>: > : > Snow... >>: > : > >>: > : > "Old Crow" <walliscrow@yahoo.com> wrote in message >>: > : > news:1131541917.891752.325840@g47g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com... >>: > : > >>: > : > Stolen from the Harley group...subsitute "Jeep" for any mention of >>: > : > motorcycles... >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly >>snatching >>: > : > flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in >>the >>: > : > chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it >>against >>: > : > that freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them >>somewhere >>: > : > under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes >>fingerprint >>: > : > whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes >>you >>: > : > to say, "Ouch...." >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in >>their >>: > : > holes until you die of old age. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board >>: > : > principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable >>: > : > motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more >>: > : > dismal your future becomes. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is >>: > : > available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to >>: > : > the palm of your hand. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various >>: > : > flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting >>the >>: > : > grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars >>: > : > and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating >>: > : > that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 >>minutes. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground >>: > : > after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the >>jack >>: > : > handle firmly under the bumper. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an >>: > : > automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another >>: > : > hydraulic floor jack. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool >>for >>: > : > ------ing mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog ---- off your >>boot. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than >>any >>: > : > known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use >>anyway. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile >>strength >>: > : > on everything you forgot to disconnect. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-I NCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that >>: > : > inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end >>: > : > opposite the handle. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. >>Sometimes >>: > : > called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the >>: > : > sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at >>night. >>: > : > Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt >>light >>: > : > bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be >>: > : > used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. >>: > : > More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of >>old-style >>: > : > paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can >>: > : > also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw >>heads. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a >>: > : > coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into >>: > : > compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic >>: > : > impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years >>: > : > ago by someone at H-D, and neatly rounds off their heads. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip >>or >>: > : > bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer >>nowadays >>: > : > is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive >>: > : > parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the >>contents >>: > : > of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works >>particularly >>: > : > well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in >>plastic >>: > : > bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic >>: > : > parts. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the >>: > : > garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also >>the >>: > : > next tool that you will need. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which >>: > : > somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every >>: > : > deficiency in foresight. >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : > -- >>: > : > Old Crow >>: > : > '82 FLTC-P "Pearl" >>: > : > '95 Wrangler YJ >>: > : > TOMKATAC, SENS, BS#133, MAMBM, SLOB#13, DH#2 >>: > : > >>: > : > >>: > : >>: > : >>: > >>: > >>: >>: >> |
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