Twaldron's day of wheeling
Guest
Posts: n/a
Twaldron's day of wheeling
Just imagine, if twaldron took his own wheeling advice......
It was a fine spring morning and twaldron was thrilled to be hitting
the trail for a hard day of wheeling. He set out for the trailhead in
his shiny new jeep liberty. Joshua had tried to tell twaldron that
the newer jeep models such as the Liberty weren't quite as capable as
the older YJs and CJs, but twaldron knew better. "Newer is better!"
he remarked to himself as he lovingly caressed his leather-wrapped
steering wheel.
Twaldron had stuck with the stock suspension and tires on his KJ,
because as he had frequently told Joshua, lift and clearance are not
even remotely the most important considerations when wheeling. It's
all about driver skill! And twaldron was sure he had plenty of that.
Besides, the modifications he did have were truly amazing. The
Liberty was powered by a mighty 2-cycle 1-cylinder Briggs and Stratton
engine, because twaldron knew that extra cylinders were good for
nothing. Twalrdron laughed amusedly to himself as he thought about
pathetic Joshua, stuck with a miserable V-8 engine, when he could
have done just as well with far fewer cylinders. And the awful fuel
economy and damage to the environment that Joshua incurred! What a
Luddite, twaldron tut-tutted to himself, as he glanced admiringly at
the "Greenpeace" and "Earth First!" stickers adorning his own
windshield. "I do just fine with my single cylinder," he told
himself. (And truth be told, it was somewhat impressive: It was the
largest sized 1-cylinder that could be found, since twaldron held the
somewhat strange combination of views that fewer cylinders were
better, but there was no replacement for displacement.)
Finally, twaldron reached the steep incline of a rocky slope and
started up the embankment. Snap! Crunch! Twang! Ka-ching! "Uh
oh," twaldron thought, as the Liberty came crunching to a stop a short
way up the hill. He got out and looked at the Liberty, and noticed
numerous fluids pouring from the underside of the jeep. "Damn the
luck!" he thought. "I'm going to have to winch up the side of this
hill!"
As luck would have it, a group of Jeepers were passing along the top
of the ridge, and happened to look down and notice twaldron flailing
on the rocks. One of them had a winch, and offered to pull twaldron
up the slope. "Well," said twaldron, "how big is your winch?"
"It's rated 8000 pounds!" came the reply.
"Hmph!" snorted twaldron. "You think I'm an idiot? You think a mere
8000 lb winch can pull my 3500 lb KJ? You need a winch capacity at
least 500 times the weight of the vehicle. **** off, you morons!"
So the jeepers at the top of the ridge drove on past. The hours began
to pass and though several groups of drivers stopped to offer help,
none had a winch satisfactory to twaldron. (One fellow with a 14,000
lb winch did happen by, and twaldron briefly considered accepting his
help, but it turned out the fool had used radio shack fuses to wire up
the winch, and twaldron wasn't going to risk his jeep on such plainly
inferior products.)
So twaldron gave up the idea of winching, and decided instead to ask
for someone to simply tow him up the side of the incline with a tow
strap. But again, he had the horrible luck of nothing but inferior
vehicles coming his way. TJs, YJs, CJs, and a couple of Cherokees
and Land Rovers all drove by and offered to tow him up the hill, but
twaldron knew better than to accept help from such light vehicles.
Why, their wheelbase, brakes, and drivetrain were simply not up to
the task of towing a 3500+ pund vehicle. My goodness, it said so
right there in the manufacturer's manual, after all!
Joshua had previously tried to tell twaldron that for short distance
towing on back country roads it was ok to exceed Chrysler's
instructions, but twaldron knew that was horse puckey. "You f****ing
dipsh**ts think it's safe to tow a KJ with a CJ?" he said
incredulously to one particularly stupid group of drivers, "You're
obviously not the supreme off-roading expert that I am!"
By now it was evening and the sun was starting to set. Still,
nothing but vehicles unacceptable to twaldron's standards came by.
And then, at long last, god smiled on twaldron, and a Ford F-550
diesel truck was spotted meandering along the top of the ridge.
Twaldron was beside himself with joy; here at last was someone worthy
of helping him up the trail. He flagged the driver down and asked for
his help.
Once they got the tow strap tied off to both vehicles, it was time to
set up the safety equipment. "Only a fool such as Josh thinks that
it's ok to bypass state law and common sense safety regulations for a
short distance tow!" twaldron said smugly to himself. So he proceeded
to hook up emergency lights to the tail of his Libby, then wire them
to the F-550's electrical system. Next it was time to interconnect
the brake lines, and to disconnect the driveshafts and unlock the
hubs as was mandatory for a flat tow. Then he flagged down a couple
of escort vehicles to drive before and after with signal flags and
flashing lights. (They were plainly inferior CJs, but they were only
escorts, after all, and it was now nearly midnight and twaldron had
lost patience with waiting around for other worthy drivers of his
caliber.)
At long last, the F-550 began to pull forward at the top of the hill,
and the Libby began to move. Crash! Snap! Twang! went the sounds of
the Libby's undercarriage breaking against the rocks, but at least he
was moving. Finally he got to the top of the hill, and after two
more hours of disconnecting all the safety equipment and reconnecting
his driveshafts, he thanked the other drivers and sent them on their
way.
Another hill conquered! All was right with the world, and twaldron,
expert four-wheeler, was delighted with his wheeling prowess. He
smiled happily to himself, and began the long walk to a phone booth
to call a tow truck to get his Liberty home.
It was a fine spring morning and twaldron was thrilled to be hitting
the trail for a hard day of wheeling. He set out for the trailhead in
his shiny new jeep liberty. Joshua had tried to tell twaldron that
the newer jeep models such as the Liberty weren't quite as capable as
the older YJs and CJs, but twaldron knew better. "Newer is better!"
he remarked to himself as he lovingly caressed his leather-wrapped
steering wheel.
Twaldron had stuck with the stock suspension and tires on his KJ,
because as he had frequently told Joshua, lift and clearance are not
even remotely the most important considerations when wheeling. It's
all about driver skill! And twaldron was sure he had plenty of that.
Besides, the modifications he did have were truly amazing. The
Liberty was powered by a mighty 2-cycle 1-cylinder Briggs and Stratton
engine, because twaldron knew that extra cylinders were good for
nothing. Twalrdron laughed amusedly to himself as he thought about
pathetic Joshua, stuck with a miserable V-8 engine, when he could
have done just as well with far fewer cylinders. And the awful fuel
economy and damage to the environment that Joshua incurred! What a
Luddite, twaldron tut-tutted to himself, as he glanced admiringly at
the "Greenpeace" and "Earth First!" stickers adorning his own
windshield. "I do just fine with my single cylinder," he told
himself. (And truth be told, it was somewhat impressive: It was the
largest sized 1-cylinder that could be found, since twaldron held the
somewhat strange combination of views that fewer cylinders were
better, but there was no replacement for displacement.)
Finally, twaldron reached the steep incline of a rocky slope and
started up the embankment. Snap! Crunch! Twang! Ka-ching! "Uh
oh," twaldron thought, as the Liberty came crunching to a stop a short
way up the hill. He got out and looked at the Liberty, and noticed
numerous fluids pouring from the underside of the jeep. "Damn the
luck!" he thought. "I'm going to have to winch up the side of this
hill!"
As luck would have it, a group of Jeepers were passing along the top
of the ridge, and happened to look down and notice twaldron flailing
on the rocks. One of them had a winch, and offered to pull twaldron
up the slope. "Well," said twaldron, "how big is your winch?"
"It's rated 8000 pounds!" came the reply.
"Hmph!" snorted twaldron. "You think I'm an idiot? You think a mere
8000 lb winch can pull my 3500 lb KJ? You need a winch capacity at
least 500 times the weight of the vehicle. **** off, you morons!"
So the jeepers at the top of the ridge drove on past. The hours began
to pass and though several groups of drivers stopped to offer help,
none had a winch satisfactory to twaldron. (One fellow with a 14,000
lb winch did happen by, and twaldron briefly considered accepting his
help, but it turned out the fool had used radio shack fuses to wire up
the winch, and twaldron wasn't going to risk his jeep on such plainly
inferior products.)
So twaldron gave up the idea of winching, and decided instead to ask
for someone to simply tow him up the side of the incline with a tow
strap. But again, he had the horrible luck of nothing but inferior
vehicles coming his way. TJs, YJs, CJs, and a couple of Cherokees
and Land Rovers all drove by and offered to tow him up the hill, but
twaldron knew better than to accept help from such light vehicles.
Why, their wheelbase, brakes, and drivetrain were simply not up to
the task of towing a 3500+ pund vehicle. My goodness, it said so
right there in the manufacturer's manual, after all!
Joshua had previously tried to tell twaldron that for short distance
towing on back country roads it was ok to exceed Chrysler's
instructions, but twaldron knew that was horse puckey. "You f****ing
dipsh**ts think it's safe to tow a KJ with a CJ?" he said
incredulously to one particularly stupid group of drivers, "You're
obviously not the supreme off-roading expert that I am!"
By now it was evening and the sun was starting to set. Still,
nothing but vehicles unacceptable to twaldron's standards came by.
And then, at long last, god smiled on twaldron, and a Ford F-550
diesel truck was spotted meandering along the top of the ridge.
Twaldron was beside himself with joy; here at last was someone worthy
of helping him up the trail. He flagged the driver down and asked for
his help.
Once they got the tow strap tied off to both vehicles, it was time to
set up the safety equipment. "Only a fool such as Josh thinks that
it's ok to bypass state law and common sense safety regulations for a
short distance tow!" twaldron said smugly to himself. So he proceeded
to hook up emergency lights to the tail of his Libby, then wire them
to the F-550's electrical system. Next it was time to interconnect
the brake lines, and to disconnect the driveshafts and unlock the
hubs as was mandatory for a flat tow. Then he flagged down a couple
of escort vehicles to drive before and after with signal flags and
flashing lights. (They were plainly inferior CJs, but they were only
escorts, after all, and it was now nearly midnight and twaldron had
lost patience with waiting around for other worthy drivers of his
caliber.)
At long last, the F-550 began to pull forward at the top of the hill,
and the Libby began to move. Crash! Snap! Twang! went the sounds of
the Libby's undercarriage breaking against the rocks, but at least he
was moving. Finally he got to the top of the hill, and after two
more hours of disconnecting all the safety equipment and reconnecting
his driveshafts, he thanked the other drivers and sent them on their
way.
Another hill conquered! All was right with the world, and twaldron,
expert four-wheeler, was delighted with his wheeling prowess. He
smiled happily to himself, and began the long walk to a phone booth
to call a tow truck to get his Liberty home.
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Twaldron's day of wheeling
LOL! Look Joshie, if you're going to compete with me using stories, let
me let you in on an industry secret. Satire is based on FACT. Now, I can
supply plenty of examples of you eating ---- on the NG, but you have to
realize that the ---- eating was only symbolic of your incessant desire
to never admit when you are wrong, even when hit over the head by
hammers from the entire NG. You post drivel and you deny its drivelesque
qualities to the bitter end. THEN, once everyone gives up, you declare
victory. LOL!!
Now show me ANYWHERE where I stated ANYTHING about a KJ being superior
to ANYTHING. Show me where I said ANYTHING about a smaller capacity
winch being better for recovery. Nor have I ever stated that SWB Jeeps
are inferior to any other kind of Jeep or 4WD for that matter, nor that
'stock is better', etc. etc. etc.! :)
Heh! You certainly have a propensity for showing your ***, the problem
being, it's heavily pimpled and quite offensive. At first I thought you
were a troll, but I'm beginning to think you are for real.
You merely make idiotic statements as though fact (i.e.. YJs were harder
to modify than CJs and TJs were harder to modify than YJs, V8s are
better offroad, emission controls make offroading a nightmare, etc. etc.
ad nauseum) I laugh at your statements, but it's not the actual
statements that you make which are so funny. (There are a lot of people
who don't know much about Jeeps, travis, for one, but he asks questions
and takes advice. He certainly knows how to admit when he's is wrong.
travis would be a pleasure to wheel with.) What makes you so laughable
is your idiotic statements and the fact that you DEFEND them to the
death. This is what makes you a joke. Now, the harm it causes is that
the OP was asking a serious question. He doesn't know you are an eskimo
piehead and might actually BELIEVE your statements. People come to the
NG for advice to make an intelligent purchase or mod. They don't need
your input, but then, who does???
So....don't be obtuse and work on your creativity a little, it's quite
trite and boring. Get some FACT in there. Use some additional characters
so it doesn't quite look like a personal attack. Your characters should
also reflect the person you are trying to satirize or it just doesn't
work. Try to use humor. All the most entertaining stories have some
level of humor. (BTW, humor means 'funny'.) C'mon! WORK WITH ME HERE!!!
I await your next pearl.... :)
Joshua Nelson wrote:
> Just imagine, if twaldron took his own wheeling advice......
>
>
> It was a fine spring morning and twaldron was thrilled to be hitting
> the trail for a hard day of wheeling. He set out for the trailhead in
> his shiny new jeep liberty. Joshua had tried to tell twaldron that
> the newer jeep models such as the Liberty weren't quite as capable as
> the older YJs and CJs, but twaldron knew better. "Newer is better!"
> he remarked to himself as he lovingly caressed his leather-wrapped
> steering wheel.
>
> Twaldron had stuck with the stock suspension and tires on his KJ,
> because as he had frequently told Joshua, lift and clearance are not
> even remotely the most important considerations when wheeling. It's
> all about driver skill! And twaldron was sure he had plenty of that.
>
> Besides, the modifications he did have were truly amazing. The
> Liberty was powered by a mighty 2-cycle 1-cylinder Briggs and Stratton
> engine, because twaldron knew that extra cylinders were good for
> nothing. Twalrdron laughed amusedly to himself as he thought about
> pathetic Joshua, stuck with a miserable V-8 engine, when he could
> have done just as well with far fewer cylinders. And the awful fuel
> economy and damage to the environment that Joshua incurred! What a
> Luddite, twaldron tut-tutted to himself, as he glanced admiringly at
> the "Greenpeace" and "Earth First!" stickers adorning his own
> windshield. "I do just fine with my single cylinder," he told
> himself. (And truth be told, it was somewhat impressive: It was the
> largest sized 1-cylinder that could be found, since twaldron held the
> somewhat strange combination of views that fewer cylinders were
> better, but there was no replacement for displacement.)
>
> Finally, twaldron reached the steep incline of a rocky slope and
> started up the embankment. Snap! Crunch! Twang! Ka-ching! "Uh
> oh," twaldron thought, as the Liberty came crunching to a stop a short
> way up the hill. He got out and looked at the Liberty, and noticed
> numerous fluids pouring from the underside of the jeep. "Damn the
> luck!" he thought. "I'm going to have to winch up the side of this
> hill!"
>
> As luck would have it, a group of Jeepers were passing along the top
> of the ridge, and happened to look down and notice twaldron flailing
> on the rocks. One of them had a winch, and offered to pull twaldron
> up the slope. "Well," said twaldron, "how big is your winch?"
>
> "It's rated 8000 pounds!" came the reply.
>
> "Hmph!" snorted twaldron. "You think I'm an idiot? You think a mere
> 8000 lb winch can pull my 3500 lb KJ? You need a winch capacity at
> least 500 times the weight of the vehicle. **** off, you morons!"
>
> So the jeepers at the top of the ridge drove on past. The hours began
> to pass and though several groups of drivers stopped to offer help,
> none had a winch satisfactory to twaldron. (One fellow with a 14,000
> lb winch did happen by, and twaldron briefly considered accepting his
> help, but it turned out the fool had used radio shack fuses to wire up
> the winch, and twaldron wasn't going to risk his jeep on such plainly
> inferior products.)
>
> So twaldron gave up the idea of winching, and decided instead to ask
> for someone to simply tow him up the side of the incline with a tow
> strap. But again, he had the horrible luck of nothing but inferior
> vehicles coming his way. TJs, YJs, CJs, and a couple of Cherokees
> and Land Rovers all drove by and offered to tow him up the hill, but
> twaldron knew better than to accept help from such light vehicles.
> Why, their wheelbase, brakes, and drivetrain were simply not up to
> the task of towing a 3500+ pund vehicle. My goodness, it said so
> right there in the manufacturer's manual, after all!
>
> Joshua had previously tried to tell twaldron that for short distance
> towing on back country roads it was ok to exceed Chrysler's
> instructions, but twaldron knew that was horse puckey. "You f****ing
> dipsh**ts think it's safe to tow a KJ with a CJ?" he said
> incredulously to one particularly stupid group of drivers, "You're
> obviously not the supreme off-roading expert that I am!"
>
> By now it was evening and the sun was starting to set. Still,
> nothing but vehicles unacceptable to twaldron's standards came by.
> And then, at long last, god smiled on twaldron, and a Ford F-550
> diesel truck was spotted meandering along the top of the ridge.
> Twaldron was beside himself with joy; here at last was someone worthy
> of helping him up the trail. He flagged the driver down and asked for
> his help.
>
> Once they got the tow strap tied off to both vehicles, it was time to
> set up the safety equipment. "Only a fool such as Josh thinks that
> it's ok to bypass state law and common sense safety regulations for a
> short distance tow!" twaldron said smugly to himself. So he proceeded
> to hook up emergency lights to the tail of his Libby, then wire them
> to the F-550's electrical system. Next it was time to interconnect
> the brake lines, and to disconnect the driveshafts and unlock the
> hubs as was mandatory for a flat tow. Then he flagged down a couple
> of escort vehicles to drive before and after with signal flags and
> flashing lights. (They were plainly inferior CJs, but they were only
> escorts, after all, and it was now nearly midnight and twaldron had
> lost patience with waiting around for other worthy drivers of his
> caliber.)
>
> At long last, the F-550 began to pull forward at the top of the hill,
> and the Libby began to move. Crash! Snap! Twang! went the sounds of
> the Libby's undercarriage breaking against the rocks, but at least he
> was moving. Finally he got to the top of the hill, and after two
> more hours of disconnecting all the safety equipment and reconnecting
> his driveshafts, he thanked the other drivers and sent them on their
> way.
>
> Another hill conquered! All was right with the world, and twaldron,
> expert four-wheeler, was delighted with his wheeling prowess. He
> smiled happily to himself, and began the long walk to a phone booth
> to call a tow truck to get his Liberty home.
--
__________________________________________________ _________
tw
03 TJ Rubicon
01 XJ Sport
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
-- Dave Barry
http://www.7slotgrille.com/jeepers/t...ron/index.html
(Please remove the OBVIOUS to reply by email)
__________________________________________________ _________
me let you in on an industry secret. Satire is based on FACT. Now, I can
supply plenty of examples of you eating ---- on the NG, but you have to
realize that the ---- eating was only symbolic of your incessant desire
to never admit when you are wrong, even when hit over the head by
hammers from the entire NG. You post drivel and you deny its drivelesque
qualities to the bitter end. THEN, once everyone gives up, you declare
victory. LOL!!
Now show me ANYWHERE where I stated ANYTHING about a KJ being superior
to ANYTHING. Show me where I said ANYTHING about a smaller capacity
winch being better for recovery. Nor have I ever stated that SWB Jeeps
are inferior to any other kind of Jeep or 4WD for that matter, nor that
'stock is better', etc. etc. etc.! :)
Heh! You certainly have a propensity for showing your ***, the problem
being, it's heavily pimpled and quite offensive. At first I thought you
were a troll, but I'm beginning to think you are for real.
You merely make idiotic statements as though fact (i.e.. YJs were harder
to modify than CJs and TJs were harder to modify than YJs, V8s are
better offroad, emission controls make offroading a nightmare, etc. etc.
ad nauseum) I laugh at your statements, but it's not the actual
statements that you make which are so funny. (There are a lot of people
who don't know much about Jeeps, travis, for one, but he asks questions
and takes advice. He certainly knows how to admit when he's is wrong.
travis would be a pleasure to wheel with.) What makes you so laughable
is your idiotic statements and the fact that you DEFEND them to the
death. This is what makes you a joke. Now, the harm it causes is that
the OP was asking a serious question. He doesn't know you are an eskimo
piehead and might actually BELIEVE your statements. People come to the
NG for advice to make an intelligent purchase or mod. They don't need
your input, but then, who does???
So....don't be obtuse and work on your creativity a little, it's quite
trite and boring. Get some FACT in there. Use some additional characters
so it doesn't quite look like a personal attack. Your characters should
also reflect the person you are trying to satirize or it just doesn't
work. Try to use humor. All the most entertaining stories have some
level of humor. (BTW, humor means 'funny'.) C'mon! WORK WITH ME HERE!!!
I await your next pearl.... :)
Joshua Nelson wrote:
> Just imagine, if twaldron took his own wheeling advice......
>
>
> It was a fine spring morning and twaldron was thrilled to be hitting
> the trail for a hard day of wheeling. He set out for the trailhead in
> his shiny new jeep liberty. Joshua had tried to tell twaldron that
> the newer jeep models such as the Liberty weren't quite as capable as
> the older YJs and CJs, but twaldron knew better. "Newer is better!"
> he remarked to himself as he lovingly caressed his leather-wrapped
> steering wheel.
>
> Twaldron had stuck with the stock suspension and tires on his KJ,
> because as he had frequently told Joshua, lift and clearance are not
> even remotely the most important considerations when wheeling. It's
> all about driver skill! And twaldron was sure he had plenty of that.
>
> Besides, the modifications he did have were truly amazing. The
> Liberty was powered by a mighty 2-cycle 1-cylinder Briggs and Stratton
> engine, because twaldron knew that extra cylinders were good for
> nothing. Twalrdron laughed amusedly to himself as he thought about
> pathetic Joshua, stuck with a miserable V-8 engine, when he could
> have done just as well with far fewer cylinders. And the awful fuel
> economy and damage to the environment that Joshua incurred! What a
> Luddite, twaldron tut-tutted to himself, as he glanced admiringly at
> the "Greenpeace" and "Earth First!" stickers adorning his own
> windshield. "I do just fine with my single cylinder," he told
> himself. (And truth be told, it was somewhat impressive: It was the
> largest sized 1-cylinder that could be found, since twaldron held the
> somewhat strange combination of views that fewer cylinders were
> better, but there was no replacement for displacement.)
>
> Finally, twaldron reached the steep incline of a rocky slope and
> started up the embankment. Snap! Crunch! Twang! Ka-ching! "Uh
> oh," twaldron thought, as the Liberty came crunching to a stop a short
> way up the hill. He got out and looked at the Liberty, and noticed
> numerous fluids pouring from the underside of the jeep. "Damn the
> luck!" he thought. "I'm going to have to winch up the side of this
> hill!"
>
> As luck would have it, a group of Jeepers were passing along the top
> of the ridge, and happened to look down and notice twaldron flailing
> on the rocks. One of them had a winch, and offered to pull twaldron
> up the slope. "Well," said twaldron, "how big is your winch?"
>
> "It's rated 8000 pounds!" came the reply.
>
> "Hmph!" snorted twaldron. "You think I'm an idiot? You think a mere
> 8000 lb winch can pull my 3500 lb KJ? You need a winch capacity at
> least 500 times the weight of the vehicle. **** off, you morons!"
>
> So the jeepers at the top of the ridge drove on past. The hours began
> to pass and though several groups of drivers stopped to offer help,
> none had a winch satisfactory to twaldron. (One fellow with a 14,000
> lb winch did happen by, and twaldron briefly considered accepting his
> help, but it turned out the fool had used radio shack fuses to wire up
> the winch, and twaldron wasn't going to risk his jeep on such plainly
> inferior products.)
>
> So twaldron gave up the idea of winching, and decided instead to ask
> for someone to simply tow him up the side of the incline with a tow
> strap. But again, he had the horrible luck of nothing but inferior
> vehicles coming his way. TJs, YJs, CJs, and a couple of Cherokees
> and Land Rovers all drove by and offered to tow him up the hill, but
> twaldron knew better than to accept help from such light vehicles.
> Why, their wheelbase, brakes, and drivetrain were simply not up to
> the task of towing a 3500+ pund vehicle. My goodness, it said so
> right there in the manufacturer's manual, after all!
>
> Joshua had previously tried to tell twaldron that for short distance
> towing on back country roads it was ok to exceed Chrysler's
> instructions, but twaldron knew that was horse puckey. "You f****ing
> dipsh**ts think it's safe to tow a KJ with a CJ?" he said
> incredulously to one particularly stupid group of drivers, "You're
> obviously not the supreme off-roading expert that I am!"
>
> By now it was evening and the sun was starting to set. Still,
> nothing but vehicles unacceptable to twaldron's standards came by.
> And then, at long last, god smiled on twaldron, and a Ford F-550
> diesel truck was spotted meandering along the top of the ridge.
> Twaldron was beside himself with joy; here at last was someone worthy
> of helping him up the trail. He flagged the driver down and asked for
> his help.
>
> Once they got the tow strap tied off to both vehicles, it was time to
> set up the safety equipment. "Only a fool such as Josh thinks that
> it's ok to bypass state law and common sense safety regulations for a
> short distance tow!" twaldron said smugly to himself. So he proceeded
> to hook up emergency lights to the tail of his Libby, then wire them
> to the F-550's electrical system. Next it was time to interconnect
> the brake lines, and to disconnect the driveshafts and unlock the
> hubs as was mandatory for a flat tow. Then he flagged down a couple
> of escort vehicles to drive before and after with signal flags and
> flashing lights. (They were plainly inferior CJs, but they were only
> escorts, after all, and it was now nearly midnight and twaldron had
> lost patience with waiting around for other worthy drivers of his
> caliber.)
>
> At long last, the F-550 began to pull forward at the top of the hill,
> and the Libby began to move. Crash! Snap! Twang! went the sounds of
> the Libby's undercarriage breaking against the rocks, but at least he
> was moving. Finally he got to the top of the hill, and after two
> more hours of disconnecting all the safety equipment and reconnecting
> his driveshafts, he thanked the other drivers and sent them on their
> way.
>
> Another hill conquered! All was right with the world, and twaldron,
> expert four-wheeler, was delighted with his wheeling prowess. He
> smiled happily to himself, and began the long walk to a phone booth
> to call a tow truck to get his Liberty home.
--
__________________________________________________ _________
tw
03 TJ Rubicon
01 XJ Sport
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
-- Dave Barry
http://www.7slotgrille.com/jeepers/t...ron/index.html
(Please remove the OBVIOUS to reply by email)
__________________________________________________ _________
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Twaldron's day of wheeling
LOL! Look Joshie, if you're going to compete with me using stories, let
me let you in on an industry secret. Satire is based on FACT. Now, I can
supply plenty of examples of you eating ---- on the NG, but you have to
realize that the ---- eating was only symbolic of your incessant desire
to never admit when you are wrong, even when hit over the head by
hammers from the entire NG. You post drivel and you deny its drivelesque
qualities to the bitter end. THEN, once everyone gives up, you declare
victory. LOL!!
Now show me ANYWHERE where I stated ANYTHING about a KJ being superior
to ANYTHING. Show me where I said ANYTHING about a smaller capacity
winch being better for recovery. Nor have I ever stated that SWB Jeeps
are inferior to any other kind of Jeep or 4WD for that matter, nor that
'stock is better', etc. etc. etc.! :)
Heh! You certainly have a propensity for showing your ***, the problem
being, it's heavily pimpled and quite offensive. At first I thought you
were a troll, but I'm beginning to think you are for real.
You merely make idiotic statements as though fact (i.e.. YJs were harder
to modify than CJs and TJs were harder to modify than YJs, V8s are
better offroad, emission controls make offroading a nightmare, etc. etc.
ad nauseum) I laugh at your statements, but it's not the actual
statements that you make which are so funny. (There are a lot of people
who don't know much about Jeeps, travis, for one, but he asks questions
and takes advice. He certainly knows how to admit when he's is wrong.
travis would be a pleasure to wheel with.) What makes you so laughable
is your idiotic statements and the fact that you DEFEND them to the
death. This is what makes you a joke. Now, the harm it causes is that
the OP was asking a serious question. He doesn't know you are an eskimo
piehead and might actually BELIEVE your statements. People come to the
NG for advice to make an intelligent purchase or mod. They don't need
your input, but then, who does???
So....don't be obtuse and work on your creativity a little, it's quite
trite and boring. Get some FACT in there. Use some additional characters
so it doesn't quite look like a personal attack. Your characters should
also reflect the person you are trying to satirize or it just doesn't
work. Try to use humor. All the most entertaining stories have some
level of humor. (BTW, humor means 'funny'.) C'mon! WORK WITH ME HERE!!!
I await your next pearl.... :)
Joshua Nelson wrote:
> Just imagine, if twaldron took his own wheeling advice......
>
>
> It was a fine spring morning and twaldron was thrilled to be hitting
> the trail for a hard day of wheeling. He set out for the trailhead in
> his shiny new jeep liberty. Joshua had tried to tell twaldron that
> the newer jeep models such as the Liberty weren't quite as capable as
> the older YJs and CJs, but twaldron knew better. "Newer is better!"
> he remarked to himself as he lovingly caressed his leather-wrapped
> steering wheel.
>
> Twaldron had stuck with the stock suspension and tires on his KJ,
> because as he had frequently told Joshua, lift and clearance are not
> even remotely the most important considerations when wheeling. It's
> all about driver skill! And twaldron was sure he had plenty of that.
>
> Besides, the modifications he did have were truly amazing. The
> Liberty was powered by a mighty 2-cycle 1-cylinder Briggs and Stratton
> engine, because twaldron knew that extra cylinders were good for
> nothing. Twalrdron laughed amusedly to himself as he thought about
> pathetic Joshua, stuck with a miserable V-8 engine, when he could
> have done just as well with far fewer cylinders. And the awful fuel
> economy and damage to the environment that Joshua incurred! What a
> Luddite, twaldron tut-tutted to himself, as he glanced admiringly at
> the "Greenpeace" and "Earth First!" stickers adorning his own
> windshield. "I do just fine with my single cylinder," he told
> himself. (And truth be told, it was somewhat impressive: It was the
> largest sized 1-cylinder that could be found, since twaldron held the
> somewhat strange combination of views that fewer cylinders were
> better, but there was no replacement for displacement.)
>
> Finally, twaldron reached the steep incline of a rocky slope and
> started up the embankment. Snap! Crunch! Twang! Ka-ching! "Uh
> oh," twaldron thought, as the Liberty came crunching to a stop a short
> way up the hill. He got out and looked at the Liberty, and noticed
> numerous fluids pouring from the underside of the jeep. "Damn the
> luck!" he thought. "I'm going to have to winch up the side of this
> hill!"
>
> As luck would have it, a group of Jeepers were passing along the top
> of the ridge, and happened to look down and notice twaldron flailing
> on the rocks. One of them had a winch, and offered to pull twaldron
> up the slope. "Well," said twaldron, "how big is your winch?"
>
> "It's rated 8000 pounds!" came the reply.
>
> "Hmph!" snorted twaldron. "You think I'm an idiot? You think a mere
> 8000 lb winch can pull my 3500 lb KJ? You need a winch capacity at
> least 500 times the weight of the vehicle. **** off, you morons!"
>
> So the jeepers at the top of the ridge drove on past. The hours began
> to pass and though several groups of drivers stopped to offer help,
> none had a winch satisfactory to twaldron. (One fellow with a 14,000
> lb winch did happen by, and twaldron briefly considered accepting his
> help, but it turned out the fool had used radio shack fuses to wire up
> the winch, and twaldron wasn't going to risk his jeep on such plainly
> inferior products.)
>
> So twaldron gave up the idea of winching, and decided instead to ask
> for someone to simply tow him up the side of the incline with a tow
> strap. But again, he had the horrible luck of nothing but inferior
> vehicles coming his way. TJs, YJs, CJs, and a couple of Cherokees
> and Land Rovers all drove by and offered to tow him up the hill, but
> twaldron knew better than to accept help from such light vehicles.
> Why, their wheelbase, brakes, and drivetrain were simply not up to
> the task of towing a 3500+ pund vehicle. My goodness, it said so
> right there in the manufacturer's manual, after all!
>
> Joshua had previously tried to tell twaldron that for short distance
> towing on back country roads it was ok to exceed Chrysler's
> instructions, but twaldron knew that was horse puckey. "You f****ing
> dipsh**ts think it's safe to tow a KJ with a CJ?" he said
> incredulously to one particularly stupid group of drivers, "You're
> obviously not the supreme off-roading expert that I am!"
>
> By now it was evening and the sun was starting to set. Still,
> nothing but vehicles unacceptable to twaldron's standards came by.
> And then, at long last, god smiled on twaldron, and a Ford F-550
> diesel truck was spotted meandering along the top of the ridge.
> Twaldron was beside himself with joy; here at last was someone worthy
> of helping him up the trail. He flagged the driver down and asked for
> his help.
>
> Once they got the tow strap tied off to both vehicles, it was time to
> set up the safety equipment. "Only a fool such as Josh thinks that
> it's ok to bypass state law and common sense safety regulations for a
> short distance tow!" twaldron said smugly to himself. So he proceeded
> to hook up emergency lights to the tail of his Libby, then wire them
> to the F-550's electrical system. Next it was time to interconnect
> the brake lines, and to disconnect the driveshafts and unlock the
> hubs as was mandatory for a flat tow. Then he flagged down a couple
> of escort vehicles to drive before and after with signal flags and
> flashing lights. (They were plainly inferior CJs, but they were only
> escorts, after all, and it was now nearly midnight and twaldron had
> lost patience with waiting around for other worthy drivers of his
> caliber.)
>
> At long last, the F-550 began to pull forward at the top of the hill,
> and the Libby began to move. Crash! Snap! Twang! went the sounds of
> the Libby's undercarriage breaking against the rocks, but at least he
> was moving. Finally he got to the top of the hill, and after two
> more hours of disconnecting all the safety equipment and reconnecting
> his driveshafts, he thanked the other drivers and sent them on their
> way.
>
> Another hill conquered! All was right with the world, and twaldron,
> expert four-wheeler, was delighted with his wheeling prowess. He
> smiled happily to himself, and began the long walk to a phone booth
> to call a tow truck to get his Liberty home.
--
__________________________________________________ _________
tw
03 TJ Rubicon
01 XJ Sport
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
-- Dave Barry
http://www.7slotgrille.com/jeepers/t...ron/index.html
(Please remove the OBVIOUS to reply by email)
__________________________________________________ _________
me let you in on an industry secret. Satire is based on FACT. Now, I can
supply plenty of examples of you eating ---- on the NG, but you have to
realize that the ---- eating was only symbolic of your incessant desire
to never admit when you are wrong, even when hit over the head by
hammers from the entire NG. You post drivel and you deny its drivelesque
qualities to the bitter end. THEN, once everyone gives up, you declare
victory. LOL!!
Now show me ANYWHERE where I stated ANYTHING about a KJ being superior
to ANYTHING. Show me where I said ANYTHING about a smaller capacity
winch being better for recovery. Nor have I ever stated that SWB Jeeps
are inferior to any other kind of Jeep or 4WD for that matter, nor that
'stock is better', etc. etc. etc.! :)
Heh! You certainly have a propensity for showing your ***, the problem
being, it's heavily pimpled and quite offensive. At first I thought you
were a troll, but I'm beginning to think you are for real.
You merely make idiotic statements as though fact (i.e.. YJs were harder
to modify than CJs and TJs were harder to modify than YJs, V8s are
better offroad, emission controls make offroading a nightmare, etc. etc.
ad nauseum) I laugh at your statements, but it's not the actual
statements that you make which are so funny. (There are a lot of people
who don't know much about Jeeps, travis, for one, but he asks questions
and takes advice. He certainly knows how to admit when he's is wrong.
travis would be a pleasure to wheel with.) What makes you so laughable
is your idiotic statements and the fact that you DEFEND them to the
death. This is what makes you a joke. Now, the harm it causes is that
the OP was asking a serious question. He doesn't know you are an eskimo
piehead and might actually BELIEVE your statements. People come to the
NG for advice to make an intelligent purchase or mod. They don't need
your input, but then, who does???
So....don't be obtuse and work on your creativity a little, it's quite
trite and boring. Get some FACT in there. Use some additional characters
so it doesn't quite look like a personal attack. Your characters should
also reflect the person you are trying to satirize or it just doesn't
work. Try to use humor. All the most entertaining stories have some
level of humor. (BTW, humor means 'funny'.) C'mon! WORK WITH ME HERE!!!
I await your next pearl.... :)
Joshua Nelson wrote:
> Just imagine, if twaldron took his own wheeling advice......
>
>
> It was a fine spring morning and twaldron was thrilled to be hitting
> the trail for a hard day of wheeling. He set out for the trailhead in
> his shiny new jeep liberty. Joshua had tried to tell twaldron that
> the newer jeep models such as the Liberty weren't quite as capable as
> the older YJs and CJs, but twaldron knew better. "Newer is better!"
> he remarked to himself as he lovingly caressed his leather-wrapped
> steering wheel.
>
> Twaldron had stuck with the stock suspension and tires on his KJ,
> because as he had frequently told Joshua, lift and clearance are not
> even remotely the most important considerations when wheeling. It's
> all about driver skill! And twaldron was sure he had plenty of that.
>
> Besides, the modifications he did have were truly amazing. The
> Liberty was powered by a mighty 2-cycle 1-cylinder Briggs and Stratton
> engine, because twaldron knew that extra cylinders were good for
> nothing. Twalrdron laughed amusedly to himself as he thought about
> pathetic Joshua, stuck with a miserable V-8 engine, when he could
> have done just as well with far fewer cylinders. And the awful fuel
> economy and damage to the environment that Joshua incurred! What a
> Luddite, twaldron tut-tutted to himself, as he glanced admiringly at
> the "Greenpeace" and "Earth First!" stickers adorning his own
> windshield. "I do just fine with my single cylinder," he told
> himself. (And truth be told, it was somewhat impressive: It was the
> largest sized 1-cylinder that could be found, since twaldron held the
> somewhat strange combination of views that fewer cylinders were
> better, but there was no replacement for displacement.)
>
> Finally, twaldron reached the steep incline of a rocky slope and
> started up the embankment. Snap! Crunch! Twang! Ka-ching! "Uh
> oh," twaldron thought, as the Liberty came crunching to a stop a short
> way up the hill. He got out and looked at the Liberty, and noticed
> numerous fluids pouring from the underside of the jeep. "Damn the
> luck!" he thought. "I'm going to have to winch up the side of this
> hill!"
>
> As luck would have it, a group of Jeepers were passing along the top
> of the ridge, and happened to look down and notice twaldron flailing
> on the rocks. One of them had a winch, and offered to pull twaldron
> up the slope. "Well," said twaldron, "how big is your winch?"
>
> "It's rated 8000 pounds!" came the reply.
>
> "Hmph!" snorted twaldron. "You think I'm an idiot? You think a mere
> 8000 lb winch can pull my 3500 lb KJ? You need a winch capacity at
> least 500 times the weight of the vehicle. **** off, you morons!"
>
> So the jeepers at the top of the ridge drove on past. The hours began
> to pass and though several groups of drivers stopped to offer help,
> none had a winch satisfactory to twaldron. (One fellow with a 14,000
> lb winch did happen by, and twaldron briefly considered accepting his
> help, but it turned out the fool had used radio shack fuses to wire up
> the winch, and twaldron wasn't going to risk his jeep on such plainly
> inferior products.)
>
> So twaldron gave up the idea of winching, and decided instead to ask
> for someone to simply tow him up the side of the incline with a tow
> strap. But again, he had the horrible luck of nothing but inferior
> vehicles coming his way. TJs, YJs, CJs, and a couple of Cherokees
> and Land Rovers all drove by and offered to tow him up the hill, but
> twaldron knew better than to accept help from such light vehicles.
> Why, their wheelbase, brakes, and drivetrain were simply not up to
> the task of towing a 3500+ pund vehicle. My goodness, it said so
> right there in the manufacturer's manual, after all!
>
> Joshua had previously tried to tell twaldron that for short distance
> towing on back country roads it was ok to exceed Chrysler's
> instructions, but twaldron knew that was horse puckey. "You f****ing
> dipsh**ts think it's safe to tow a KJ with a CJ?" he said
> incredulously to one particularly stupid group of drivers, "You're
> obviously not the supreme off-roading expert that I am!"
>
> By now it was evening and the sun was starting to set. Still,
> nothing but vehicles unacceptable to twaldron's standards came by.
> And then, at long last, god smiled on twaldron, and a Ford F-550
> diesel truck was spotted meandering along the top of the ridge.
> Twaldron was beside himself with joy; here at last was someone worthy
> of helping him up the trail. He flagged the driver down and asked for
> his help.
>
> Once they got the tow strap tied off to both vehicles, it was time to
> set up the safety equipment. "Only a fool such as Josh thinks that
> it's ok to bypass state law and common sense safety regulations for a
> short distance tow!" twaldron said smugly to himself. So he proceeded
> to hook up emergency lights to the tail of his Libby, then wire them
> to the F-550's electrical system. Next it was time to interconnect
> the brake lines, and to disconnect the driveshafts and unlock the
> hubs as was mandatory for a flat tow. Then he flagged down a couple
> of escort vehicles to drive before and after with signal flags and
> flashing lights. (They were plainly inferior CJs, but they were only
> escorts, after all, and it was now nearly midnight and twaldron had
> lost patience with waiting around for other worthy drivers of his
> caliber.)
>
> At long last, the F-550 began to pull forward at the top of the hill,
> and the Libby began to move. Crash! Snap! Twang! went the sounds of
> the Libby's undercarriage breaking against the rocks, but at least he
> was moving. Finally he got to the top of the hill, and after two
> more hours of disconnecting all the safety equipment and reconnecting
> his driveshafts, he thanked the other drivers and sent them on their
> way.
>
> Another hill conquered! All was right with the world, and twaldron,
> expert four-wheeler, was delighted with his wheeling prowess. He
> smiled happily to himself, and began the long walk to a phone booth
> to call a tow truck to get his Liberty home.
--
__________________________________________________ _________
tw
03 TJ Rubicon
01 XJ Sport
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
-- Dave Barry
http://www.7slotgrille.com/jeepers/t...ron/index.html
(Please remove the OBVIOUS to reply by email)
__________________________________________________ _________
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Twaldron's day of wheeling
LOL! Look Joshie, if you're going to compete with me using stories, let
me let you in on an industry secret. Satire is based on FACT. Now, I can
supply plenty of examples of you eating ---- on the NG, but you have to
realize that the ---- eating was only symbolic of your incessant desire
to never admit when you are wrong, even when hit over the head by
hammers from the entire NG. You post drivel and you deny its drivelesque
qualities to the bitter end. THEN, once everyone gives up, you declare
victory. LOL!!
Now show me ANYWHERE where I stated ANYTHING about a KJ being superior
to ANYTHING. Show me where I said ANYTHING about a smaller capacity
winch being better for recovery. Nor have I ever stated that SWB Jeeps
are inferior to any other kind of Jeep or 4WD for that matter, nor that
'stock is better', etc. etc. etc.! :)
Heh! You certainly have a propensity for showing your ***, the problem
being, it's heavily pimpled and quite offensive. At first I thought you
were a troll, but I'm beginning to think you are for real.
You merely make idiotic statements as though fact (i.e.. YJs were harder
to modify than CJs and TJs were harder to modify than YJs, V8s are
better offroad, emission controls make offroading a nightmare, etc. etc.
ad nauseum) I laugh at your statements, but it's not the actual
statements that you make which are so funny. (There are a lot of people
who don't know much about Jeeps, travis, for one, but he asks questions
and takes advice. He certainly knows how to admit when he's is wrong.
travis would be a pleasure to wheel with.) What makes you so laughable
is your idiotic statements and the fact that you DEFEND them to the
death. This is what makes you a joke. Now, the harm it causes is that
the OP was asking a serious question. He doesn't know you are an eskimo
piehead and might actually BELIEVE your statements. People come to the
NG for advice to make an intelligent purchase or mod. They don't need
your input, but then, who does???
So....don't be obtuse and work on your creativity a little, it's quite
trite and boring. Get some FACT in there. Use some additional characters
so it doesn't quite look like a personal attack. Your characters should
also reflect the person you are trying to satirize or it just doesn't
work. Try to use humor. All the most entertaining stories have some
level of humor. (BTW, humor means 'funny'.) C'mon! WORK WITH ME HERE!!!
I await your next pearl.... :)
Joshua Nelson wrote:
> Just imagine, if twaldron took his own wheeling advice......
>
>
> It was a fine spring morning and twaldron was thrilled to be hitting
> the trail for a hard day of wheeling. He set out for the trailhead in
> his shiny new jeep liberty. Joshua had tried to tell twaldron that
> the newer jeep models such as the Liberty weren't quite as capable as
> the older YJs and CJs, but twaldron knew better. "Newer is better!"
> he remarked to himself as he lovingly caressed his leather-wrapped
> steering wheel.
>
> Twaldron had stuck with the stock suspension and tires on his KJ,
> because as he had frequently told Joshua, lift and clearance are not
> even remotely the most important considerations when wheeling. It's
> all about driver skill! And twaldron was sure he had plenty of that.
>
> Besides, the modifications he did have were truly amazing. The
> Liberty was powered by a mighty 2-cycle 1-cylinder Briggs and Stratton
> engine, because twaldron knew that extra cylinders were good for
> nothing. Twalrdron laughed amusedly to himself as he thought about
> pathetic Joshua, stuck with a miserable V-8 engine, when he could
> have done just as well with far fewer cylinders. And the awful fuel
> economy and damage to the environment that Joshua incurred! What a
> Luddite, twaldron tut-tutted to himself, as he glanced admiringly at
> the "Greenpeace" and "Earth First!" stickers adorning his own
> windshield. "I do just fine with my single cylinder," he told
> himself. (And truth be told, it was somewhat impressive: It was the
> largest sized 1-cylinder that could be found, since twaldron held the
> somewhat strange combination of views that fewer cylinders were
> better, but there was no replacement for displacement.)
>
> Finally, twaldron reached the steep incline of a rocky slope and
> started up the embankment. Snap! Crunch! Twang! Ka-ching! "Uh
> oh," twaldron thought, as the Liberty came crunching to a stop a short
> way up the hill. He got out and looked at the Liberty, and noticed
> numerous fluids pouring from the underside of the jeep. "Damn the
> luck!" he thought. "I'm going to have to winch up the side of this
> hill!"
>
> As luck would have it, a group of Jeepers were passing along the top
> of the ridge, and happened to look down and notice twaldron flailing
> on the rocks. One of them had a winch, and offered to pull twaldron
> up the slope. "Well," said twaldron, "how big is your winch?"
>
> "It's rated 8000 pounds!" came the reply.
>
> "Hmph!" snorted twaldron. "You think I'm an idiot? You think a mere
> 8000 lb winch can pull my 3500 lb KJ? You need a winch capacity at
> least 500 times the weight of the vehicle. **** off, you morons!"
>
> So the jeepers at the top of the ridge drove on past. The hours began
> to pass and though several groups of drivers stopped to offer help,
> none had a winch satisfactory to twaldron. (One fellow with a 14,000
> lb winch did happen by, and twaldron briefly considered accepting his
> help, but it turned out the fool had used radio shack fuses to wire up
> the winch, and twaldron wasn't going to risk his jeep on such plainly
> inferior products.)
>
> So twaldron gave up the idea of winching, and decided instead to ask
> for someone to simply tow him up the side of the incline with a tow
> strap. But again, he had the horrible luck of nothing but inferior
> vehicles coming his way. TJs, YJs, CJs, and a couple of Cherokees
> and Land Rovers all drove by and offered to tow him up the hill, but
> twaldron knew better than to accept help from such light vehicles.
> Why, their wheelbase, brakes, and drivetrain were simply not up to
> the task of towing a 3500+ pund vehicle. My goodness, it said so
> right there in the manufacturer's manual, after all!
>
> Joshua had previously tried to tell twaldron that for short distance
> towing on back country roads it was ok to exceed Chrysler's
> instructions, but twaldron knew that was horse puckey. "You f****ing
> dipsh**ts think it's safe to tow a KJ with a CJ?" he said
> incredulously to one particularly stupid group of drivers, "You're
> obviously not the supreme off-roading expert that I am!"
>
> By now it was evening and the sun was starting to set. Still,
> nothing but vehicles unacceptable to twaldron's standards came by.
> And then, at long last, god smiled on twaldron, and a Ford F-550
> diesel truck was spotted meandering along the top of the ridge.
> Twaldron was beside himself with joy; here at last was someone worthy
> of helping him up the trail. He flagged the driver down and asked for
> his help.
>
> Once they got the tow strap tied off to both vehicles, it was time to
> set up the safety equipment. "Only a fool such as Josh thinks that
> it's ok to bypass state law and common sense safety regulations for a
> short distance tow!" twaldron said smugly to himself. So he proceeded
> to hook up emergency lights to the tail of his Libby, then wire them
> to the F-550's electrical system. Next it was time to interconnect
> the brake lines, and to disconnect the driveshafts and unlock the
> hubs as was mandatory for a flat tow. Then he flagged down a couple
> of escort vehicles to drive before and after with signal flags and
> flashing lights. (They were plainly inferior CJs, but they were only
> escorts, after all, and it was now nearly midnight and twaldron had
> lost patience with waiting around for other worthy drivers of his
> caliber.)
>
> At long last, the F-550 began to pull forward at the top of the hill,
> and the Libby began to move. Crash! Snap! Twang! went the sounds of
> the Libby's undercarriage breaking against the rocks, but at least he
> was moving. Finally he got to the top of the hill, and after two
> more hours of disconnecting all the safety equipment and reconnecting
> his driveshafts, he thanked the other drivers and sent them on their
> way.
>
> Another hill conquered! All was right with the world, and twaldron,
> expert four-wheeler, was delighted with his wheeling prowess. He
> smiled happily to himself, and began the long walk to a phone booth
> to call a tow truck to get his Liberty home.
--
__________________________________________________ _________
tw
03 TJ Rubicon
01 XJ Sport
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
-- Dave Barry
http://www.7slotgrille.com/jeepers/t...ron/index.html
(Please remove the OBVIOUS to reply by email)
__________________________________________________ _________
me let you in on an industry secret. Satire is based on FACT. Now, I can
supply plenty of examples of you eating ---- on the NG, but you have to
realize that the ---- eating was only symbolic of your incessant desire
to never admit when you are wrong, even when hit over the head by
hammers from the entire NG. You post drivel and you deny its drivelesque
qualities to the bitter end. THEN, once everyone gives up, you declare
victory. LOL!!
Now show me ANYWHERE where I stated ANYTHING about a KJ being superior
to ANYTHING. Show me where I said ANYTHING about a smaller capacity
winch being better for recovery. Nor have I ever stated that SWB Jeeps
are inferior to any other kind of Jeep or 4WD for that matter, nor that
'stock is better', etc. etc. etc.! :)
Heh! You certainly have a propensity for showing your ***, the problem
being, it's heavily pimpled and quite offensive. At first I thought you
were a troll, but I'm beginning to think you are for real.
You merely make idiotic statements as though fact (i.e.. YJs were harder
to modify than CJs and TJs were harder to modify than YJs, V8s are
better offroad, emission controls make offroading a nightmare, etc. etc.
ad nauseum) I laugh at your statements, but it's not the actual
statements that you make which are so funny. (There are a lot of people
who don't know much about Jeeps, travis, for one, but he asks questions
and takes advice. He certainly knows how to admit when he's is wrong.
travis would be a pleasure to wheel with.) What makes you so laughable
is your idiotic statements and the fact that you DEFEND them to the
death. This is what makes you a joke. Now, the harm it causes is that
the OP was asking a serious question. He doesn't know you are an eskimo
piehead and might actually BELIEVE your statements. People come to the
NG for advice to make an intelligent purchase or mod. They don't need
your input, but then, who does???
So....don't be obtuse and work on your creativity a little, it's quite
trite and boring. Get some FACT in there. Use some additional characters
so it doesn't quite look like a personal attack. Your characters should
also reflect the person you are trying to satirize or it just doesn't
work. Try to use humor. All the most entertaining stories have some
level of humor. (BTW, humor means 'funny'.) C'mon! WORK WITH ME HERE!!!
I await your next pearl.... :)
Joshua Nelson wrote:
> Just imagine, if twaldron took his own wheeling advice......
>
>
> It was a fine spring morning and twaldron was thrilled to be hitting
> the trail for a hard day of wheeling. He set out for the trailhead in
> his shiny new jeep liberty. Joshua had tried to tell twaldron that
> the newer jeep models such as the Liberty weren't quite as capable as
> the older YJs and CJs, but twaldron knew better. "Newer is better!"
> he remarked to himself as he lovingly caressed his leather-wrapped
> steering wheel.
>
> Twaldron had stuck with the stock suspension and tires on his KJ,
> because as he had frequently told Joshua, lift and clearance are not
> even remotely the most important considerations when wheeling. It's
> all about driver skill! And twaldron was sure he had plenty of that.
>
> Besides, the modifications he did have were truly amazing. The
> Liberty was powered by a mighty 2-cycle 1-cylinder Briggs and Stratton
> engine, because twaldron knew that extra cylinders were good for
> nothing. Twalrdron laughed amusedly to himself as he thought about
> pathetic Joshua, stuck with a miserable V-8 engine, when he could
> have done just as well with far fewer cylinders. And the awful fuel
> economy and damage to the environment that Joshua incurred! What a
> Luddite, twaldron tut-tutted to himself, as he glanced admiringly at
> the "Greenpeace" and "Earth First!" stickers adorning his own
> windshield. "I do just fine with my single cylinder," he told
> himself. (And truth be told, it was somewhat impressive: It was the
> largest sized 1-cylinder that could be found, since twaldron held the
> somewhat strange combination of views that fewer cylinders were
> better, but there was no replacement for displacement.)
>
> Finally, twaldron reached the steep incline of a rocky slope and
> started up the embankment. Snap! Crunch! Twang! Ka-ching! "Uh
> oh," twaldron thought, as the Liberty came crunching to a stop a short
> way up the hill. He got out and looked at the Liberty, and noticed
> numerous fluids pouring from the underside of the jeep. "Damn the
> luck!" he thought. "I'm going to have to winch up the side of this
> hill!"
>
> As luck would have it, a group of Jeepers were passing along the top
> of the ridge, and happened to look down and notice twaldron flailing
> on the rocks. One of them had a winch, and offered to pull twaldron
> up the slope. "Well," said twaldron, "how big is your winch?"
>
> "It's rated 8000 pounds!" came the reply.
>
> "Hmph!" snorted twaldron. "You think I'm an idiot? You think a mere
> 8000 lb winch can pull my 3500 lb KJ? You need a winch capacity at
> least 500 times the weight of the vehicle. **** off, you morons!"
>
> So the jeepers at the top of the ridge drove on past. The hours began
> to pass and though several groups of drivers stopped to offer help,
> none had a winch satisfactory to twaldron. (One fellow with a 14,000
> lb winch did happen by, and twaldron briefly considered accepting his
> help, but it turned out the fool had used radio shack fuses to wire up
> the winch, and twaldron wasn't going to risk his jeep on such plainly
> inferior products.)
>
> So twaldron gave up the idea of winching, and decided instead to ask
> for someone to simply tow him up the side of the incline with a tow
> strap. But again, he had the horrible luck of nothing but inferior
> vehicles coming his way. TJs, YJs, CJs, and a couple of Cherokees
> and Land Rovers all drove by and offered to tow him up the hill, but
> twaldron knew better than to accept help from such light vehicles.
> Why, their wheelbase, brakes, and drivetrain were simply not up to
> the task of towing a 3500+ pund vehicle. My goodness, it said so
> right there in the manufacturer's manual, after all!
>
> Joshua had previously tried to tell twaldron that for short distance
> towing on back country roads it was ok to exceed Chrysler's
> instructions, but twaldron knew that was horse puckey. "You f****ing
> dipsh**ts think it's safe to tow a KJ with a CJ?" he said
> incredulously to one particularly stupid group of drivers, "You're
> obviously not the supreme off-roading expert that I am!"
>
> By now it was evening and the sun was starting to set. Still,
> nothing but vehicles unacceptable to twaldron's standards came by.
> And then, at long last, god smiled on twaldron, and a Ford F-550
> diesel truck was spotted meandering along the top of the ridge.
> Twaldron was beside himself with joy; here at last was someone worthy
> of helping him up the trail. He flagged the driver down and asked for
> his help.
>
> Once they got the tow strap tied off to both vehicles, it was time to
> set up the safety equipment. "Only a fool such as Josh thinks that
> it's ok to bypass state law and common sense safety regulations for a
> short distance tow!" twaldron said smugly to himself. So he proceeded
> to hook up emergency lights to the tail of his Libby, then wire them
> to the F-550's electrical system. Next it was time to interconnect
> the brake lines, and to disconnect the driveshafts and unlock the
> hubs as was mandatory for a flat tow. Then he flagged down a couple
> of escort vehicles to drive before and after with signal flags and
> flashing lights. (They were plainly inferior CJs, but they were only
> escorts, after all, and it was now nearly midnight and twaldron had
> lost patience with waiting around for other worthy drivers of his
> caliber.)
>
> At long last, the F-550 began to pull forward at the top of the hill,
> and the Libby began to move. Crash! Snap! Twang! went the sounds of
> the Libby's undercarriage breaking against the rocks, but at least he
> was moving. Finally he got to the top of the hill, and after two
> more hours of disconnecting all the safety equipment and reconnecting
> his driveshafts, he thanked the other drivers and sent them on their
> way.
>
> Another hill conquered! All was right with the world, and twaldron,
> expert four-wheeler, was delighted with his wheeling prowess. He
> smiled happily to himself, and began the long walk to a phone booth
> to call a tow truck to get his Liberty home.
--
__________________________________________________ _________
tw
03 TJ Rubicon
01 XJ Sport
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
-- Dave Barry
http://www.7slotgrille.com/jeepers/t...ron/index.html
(Please remove the OBVIOUS to reply by email)
__________________________________________________ _________
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Twaldron's day of wheeling
On Mon, 20 Oct 2003 14:58:57 GMT, twaldron
<twaldron@sbcOBVIOUSglobal.net> shared the following:
<snip>
> (There are a lot of people
>who don't know much about Jeeps, travis, for one, but he asks questions
>and takes advice. He certainly knows how to admit when he's is wrong.
>travis would be a pleasure to wheel with.)
Hey, thanks. I just took Mike Romain's advice on recentering my
steering wheel even. :-) I was trying to pull the steering wheel off
and reposition it (because that's the way I'd have done it to fix that
problem on my VW..and I didn't know any better.) I just now (on my
lunch break) went outside and found the steering box and saw the 2
bolts/nuts that Mike referred to and the threaded portion of the drag
link that would allow me to make the adjustment. It worked like a
charm! Thanks, Mike! Mine was WAY out of adjustment. I had to turn
that center section about 4 complete turns to get the steering wheel
perfectly straight. Sheesh. I also got the blower motor working
again for the heater (found a disconnected ground wire), got the
windshield wipers working, and wired up an extra horn since the stock
horn sounds really weak. Changed the oil yesterday and also went
offroading (pictures to be posted soon). Next weekend I'm going to
change the fluid in the front and rear diffs and the xfer case and
strongly consider painting the beast... It's really coming along. If
I can just get my speedo to work (I found the problem...it keeps
coming undone at the xfer case end... a P.O. crossthreaded the
connection so I need a new cable housing. That thin aluminum end is
all stripped out on the one I have.) And need to fix that darn fuel
gauge... I'll get it... I'll get it... :-) Having said all of
that, I have to admit that I got a chuckle out of Josh's post, but
I've laughed at your posts too (in a good way), twaldron. I don't
know you guys and this group well enough to pass judgement on anyone
out here so I'll just sit on the sidelines for now and read and laugh
and learn.
--
Travis
http://jeepadventures.dyndns.org/jeep.html
The meek shall inherit the earth. After I'm finished with it.
:wq!
<twaldron@sbcOBVIOUSglobal.net> shared the following:
<snip>
> (There are a lot of people
>who don't know much about Jeeps, travis, for one, but he asks questions
>and takes advice. He certainly knows how to admit when he's is wrong.
>travis would be a pleasure to wheel with.)
Hey, thanks. I just took Mike Romain's advice on recentering my
steering wheel even. :-) I was trying to pull the steering wheel off
and reposition it (because that's the way I'd have done it to fix that
problem on my VW..and I didn't know any better.) I just now (on my
lunch break) went outside and found the steering box and saw the 2
bolts/nuts that Mike referred to and the threaded portion of the drag
link that would allow me to make the adjustment. It worked like a
charm! Thanks, Mike! Mine was WAY out of adjustment. I had to turn
that center section about 4 complete turns to get the steering wheel
perfectly straight. Sheesh. I also got the blower motor working
again for the heater (found a disconnected ground wire), got the
windshield wipers working, and wired up an extra horn since the stock
horn sounds really weak. Changed the oil yesterday and also went
offroading (pictures to be posted soon). Next weekend I'm going to
change the fluid in the front and rear diffs and the xfer case and
strongly consider painting the beast... It's really coming along. If
I can just get my speedo to work (I found the problem...it keeps
coming undone at the xfer case end... a P.O. crossthreaded the
connection so I need a new cable housing. That thin aluminum end is
all stripped out on the one I have.) And need to fix that darn fuel
gauge... I'll get it... I'll get it... :-) Having said all of
that, I have to admit that I got a chuckle out of Josh's post, but
I've laughed at your posts too (in a good way), twaldron. I don't
know you guys and this group well enough to pass judgement on anyone
out here so I'll just sit on the sidelines for now and read and laugh
and learn.
--
Travis
http://jeepadventures.dyndns.org/jeep.html
The meek shall inherit the earth. After I'm finished with it.
:wq!
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Twaldron's day of wheeling
On Mon, 20 Oct 2003 14:58:57 GMT, twaldron
<twaldron@sbcOBVIOUSglobal.net> shared the following:
<snip>
> (There are a lot of people
>who don't know much about Jeeps, travis, for one, but he asks questions
>and takes advice. He certainly knows how to admit when he's is wrong.
>travis would be a pleasure to wheel with.)
Hey, thanks. I just took Mike Romain's advice on recentering my
steering wheel even. :-) I was trying to pull the steering wheel off
and reposition it (because that's the way I'd have done it to fix that
problem on my VW..and I didn't know any better.) I just now (on my
lunch break) went outside and found the steering box and saw the 2
bolts/nuts that Mike referred to and the threaded portion of the drag
link that would allow me to make the adjustment. It worked like a
charm! Thanks, Mike! Mine was WAY out of adjustment. I had to turn
that center section about 4 complete turns to get the steering wheel
perfectly straight. Sheesh. I also got the blower motor working
again for the heater (found a disconnected ground wire), got the
windshield wipers working, and wired up an extra horn since the stock
horn sounds really weak. Changed the oil yesterday and also went
offroading (pictures to be posted soon). Next weekend I'm going to
change the fluid in the front and rear diffs and the xfer case and
strongly consider painting the beast... It's really coming along. If
I can just get my speedo to work (I found the problem...it keeps
coming undone at the xfer case end... a P.O. crossthreaded the
connection so I need a new cable housing. That thin aluminum end is
all stripped out on the one I have.) And need to fix that darn fuel
gauge... I'll get it... I'll get it... :-) Having said all of
that, I have to admit that I got a chuckle out of Josh's post, but
I've laughed at your posts too (in a good way), twaldron. I don't
know you guys and this group well enough to pass judgement on anyone
out here so I'll just sit on the sidelines for now and read and laugh
and learn.
--
Travis
http://jeepadventures.dyndns.org/jeep.html
The meek shall inherit the earth. After I'm finished with it.
:wq!
<twaldron@sbcOBVIOUSglobal.net> shared the following:
<snip>
> (There are a lot of people
>who don't know much about Jeeps, travis, for one, but he asks questions
>and takes advice. He certainly knows how to admit when he's is wrong.
>travis would be a pleasure to wheel with.)
Hey, thanks. I just took Mike Romain's advice on recentering my
steering wheel even. :-) I was trying to pull the steering wheel off
and reposition it (because that's the way I'd have done it to fix that
problem on my VW..and I didn't know any better.) I just now (on my
lunch break) went outside and found the steering box and saw the 2
bolts/nuts that Mike referred to and the threaded portion of the drag
link that would allow me to make the adjustment. It worked like a
charm! Thanks, Mike! Mine was WAY out of adjustment. I had to turn
that center section about 4 complete turns to get the steering wheel
perfectly straight. Sheesh. I also got the blower motor working
again for the heater (found a disconnected ground wire), got the
windshield wipers working, and wired up an extra horn since the stock
horn sounds really weak. Changed the oil yesterday and also went
offroading (pictures to be posted soon). Next weekend I'm going to
change the fluid in the front and rear diffs and the xfer case and
strongly consider painting the beast... It's really coming along. If
I can just get my speedo to work (I found the problem...it keeps
coming undone at the xfer case end... a P.O. crossthreaded the
connection so I need a new cable housing. That thin aluminum end is
all stripped out on the one I have.) And need to fix that darn fuel
gauge... I'll get it... I'll get it... :-) Having said all of
that, I have to admit that I got a chuckle out of Josh's post, but
I've laughed at your posts too (in a good way), twaldron. I don't
know you guys and this group well enough to pass judgement on anyone
out here so I'll just sit on the sidelines for now and read and laugh
and learn.
--
Travis
http://jeepadventures.dyndns.org/jeep.html
The meek shall inherit the earth. After I'm finished with it.
:wq!
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Twaldron's day of wheeling
On Mon, 20 Oct 2003 14:58:57 GMT, twaldron
<twaldron@sbcOBVIOUSglobal.net> shared the following:
<snip>
> (There are a lot of people
>who don't know much about Jeeps, travis, for one, but he asks questions
>and takes advice. He certainly knows how to admit when he's is wrong.
>travis would be a pleasure to wheel with.)
Hey, thanks. I just took Mike Romain's advice on recentering my
steering wheel even. :-) I was trying to pull the steering wheel off
and reposition it (because that's the way I'd have done it to fix that
problem on my VW..and I didn't know any better.) I just now (on my
lunch break) went outside and found the steering box and saw the 2
bolts/nuts that Mike referred to and the threaded portion of the drag
link that would allow me to make the adjustment. It worked like a
charm! Thanks, Mike! Mine was WAY out of adjustment. I had to turn
that center section about 4 complete turns to get the steering wheel
perfectly straight. Sheesh. I also got the blower motor working
again for the heater (found a disconnected ground wire), got the
windshield wipers working, and wired up an extra horn since the stock
horn sounds really weak. Changed the oil yesterday and also went
offroading (pictures to be posted soon). Next weekend I'm going to
change the fluid in the front and rear diffs and the xfer case and
strongly consider painting the beast... It's really coming along. If
I can just get my speedo to work (I found the problem...it keeps
coming undone at the xfer case end... a P.O. crossthreaded the
connection so I need a new cable housing. That thin aluminum end is
all stripped out on the one I have.) And need to fix that darn fuel
gauge... I'll get it... I'll get it... :-) Having said all of
that, I have to admit that I got a chuckle out of Josh's post, but
I've laughed at your posts too (in a good way), twaldron. I don't
know you guys and this group well enough to pass judgement on anyone
out here so I'll just sit on the sidelines for now and read and laugh
and learn.
--
Travis
http://jeepadventures.dyndns.org/jeep.html
The meek shall inherit the earth. After I'm finished with it.
:wq!
<twaldron@sbcOBVIOUSglobal.net> shared the following:
<snip>
> (There are a lot of people
>who don't know much about Jeeps, travis, for one, but he asks questions
>and takes advice. He certainly knows how to admit when he's is wrong.
>travis would be a pleasure to wheel with.)
Hey, thanks. I just took Mike Romain's advice on recentering my
steering wheel even. :-) I was trying to pull the steering wheel off
and reposition it (because that's the way I'd have done it to fix that
problem on my VW..and I didn't know any better.) I just now (on my
lunch break) went outside and found the steering box and saw the 2
bolts/nuts that Mike referred to and the threaded portion of the drag
link that would allow me to make the adjustment. It worked like a
charm! Thanks, Mike! Mine was WAY out of adjustment. I had to turn
that center section about 4 complete turns to get the steering wheel
perfectly straight. Sheesh. I also got the blower motor working
again for the heater (found a disconnected ground wire), got the
windshield wipers working, and wired up an extra horn since the stock
horn sounds really weak. Changed the oil yesterday and also went
offroading (pictures to be posted soon). Next weekend I'm going to
change the fluid in the front and rear diffs and the xfer case and
strongly consider painting the beast... It's really coming along. If
I can just get my speedo to work (I found the problem...it keeps
coming undone at the xfer case end... a P.O. crossthreaded the
connection so I need a new cable housing. That thin aluminum end is
all stripped out on the one I have.) And need to fix that darn fuel
gauge... I'll get it... I'll get it... :-) Having said all of
that, I have to admit that I got a chuckle out of Josh's post, but
I've laughed at your posts too (in a good way), twaldron. I don't
know you guys and this group well enough to pass judgement on anyone
out here so I'll just sit on the sidelines for now and read and laugh
and learn.
--
Travis
http://jeepadventures.dyndns.org/jeep.html
The meek shall inherit the earth. After I'm finished with it.
:wq!
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Joshie's day of temper tantrum
Joshua Nelson wrote:
> Just imagine, if twaldron took his own wheeling advice......
>
Just imagine, if little Joshie didn't have everything undersized, like
his age, his winch, his capacity for understanding Jeep things, and his
sense of humor. Give it up, kid. At least twaldron's stuff is FUNNY!
108 lines of boring yawnfest SNIPPED.
> Just imagine, if twaldron took his own wheeling advice......
>
Just imagine, if little Joshie didn't have everything undersized, like
his age, his winch, his capacity for understanding Jeep things, and his
sense of humor. Give it up, kid. At least twaldron's stuff is FUNNY!
108 lines of boring yawnfest SNIPPED.
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Joshie's day of temper tantrum
Joshua Nelson wrote:
> Just imagine, if twaldron took his own wheeling advice......
>
Just imagine, if little Joshie didn't have everything undersized, like
his age, his winch, his capacity for understanding Jeep things, and his
sense of humor. Give it up, kid. At least twaldron's stuff is FUNNY!
108 lines of boring yawnfest SNIPPED.
> Just imagine, if twaldron took his own wheeling advice......
>
Just imagine, if little Joshie didn't have everything undersized, like
his age, his winch, his capacity for understanding Jeep things, and his
sense of humor. Give it up, kid. At least twaldron's stuff is FUNNY!
108 lines of boring yawnfest SNIPPED.
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Joshie's day of temper tantrum
Joshua Nelson wrote:
> Just imagine, if twaldron took his own wheeling advice......
>
Just imagine, if little Joshie didn't have everything undersized, like
his age, his winch, his capacity for understanding Jeep things, and his
sense of humor. Give it up, kid. At least twaldron's stuff is FUNNY!
108 lines of boring yawnfest SNIPPED.
> Just imagine, if twaldron took his own wheeling advice......
>
Just imagine, if little Joshie didn't have everything undersized, like
his age, his winch, his capacity for understanding Jeep things, and his
sense of humor. Give it up, kid. At least twaldron's stuff is FUNNY!
108 lines of boring yawnfest SNIPPED.