A recall of your brain has been scheduled.
(except in Mike's case as he has none)

 

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Xomicron did pass the time by typing:
> A recall of your brain has been scheduled.
> (except in Mike's case as he has none)

REVISED PHOENIX STANDARDIZED LART FORM
(c) copyright 1998, 1999, 2000 Matt Magnasco
(c) copyright earlier by Phoenix.
Released to all under the GPL

This version modified by Angel.

(check all boxes that apply)

Flame Meter / Threat Level:

[ ] 10. Lucifer's tanning bed
[ ] 9. Dante's Inferno
[ ] 8. Crankshaft's barbecue
[ ] 7. Napalm
[ ] 6. Bonfire at **** bookburning demonstration
[ ] 5. Weapons grade flamethrower
[ ] 4. Bonfire at political demonstration
[ ] 3. Car bomb
[ ] 2. Dynamite
[ ] 1. Firecracker
[X] 0. Paper bag full of air

Troll Meter:

[ ] 10. More slime than in all the gutters of NYC
[ ] 9. Caps lock is all stuck^H^H^H^H^jizzed up
[ ] 8. Them little increasingly expensive dolls
[ ] 7. False reverend
[ ] 6. False prophet
[ ] 5. Grand Nagus
[ ] 4. Gargamel
[ ] 3. Enough warts to put Compound W into the Fortune 500
[X] 2. Your lips keep flapping, how odd
[ ] 1. You're operating a toll bridge out of season without a permit
[ ] 0. Troll? Ain't that what you do when you go fishin'?
[ ] -oo. Dammit, Ron Ritzman, we told you to stop trolling

Lameness Meter:

[ ] 11. Is that Freedom Rock man? Yeah man! Well turn it up man!
[ ] 10. Limper than Tone Loc after discovering Sheena was a man
[ ] 9. Quadruplegic
[ ] 8. Marshall Herff Applewhite
[ ] 7. Paraplegic
[ ] 6. Outer extremities after illegal cross-checking by Claude Lemieux
[ ] 5. The cow whom Cripple Creek was named after
[ ] 4. Mrs. O'Leary's cow
[ ] 3. AOLer
[X] 2. Same as you'd feel if you had 10 beers
[ ] 1. The Beta machine

BS Meter:

[ ] 11. "Anti-spamers are the REAL net abusers"
[ ] 10. "The universal remove list WORKS!!"
[ ] 9. A day's work for the street sweeper in Pamplona
[ ] 8. "My personal integrity is none of your concern"
[ ] 7. "I am not a crook"
[ ] 6. "We're here to serve you"
[ ] 5. "Now that I've been found innocent, I'll pursue the REAL killer"
[ ] 4. "We are not in the business of annoying people"
[X] 3. Pro wrestling
[ ] 2. "Can't we all just get along?"
[ ] 1. "I MEANT to do that!!"

Bogon Meter / Stupidity Level:

[ ] 10. Richard the Stupid.
[X] 9. Dense enough to have an event horizon.
[ ] 8. "Duhhh..."
[ ] 7. PHB on a bad day.
[ ] 6. "There is a Lumber Cartel!"
[ ] 5. Planet-wide Bogon Flare.
[ ] 4. PHB on an average day.
[ ] 3. Abuse cretin at Level 3.
[ ] 2. PHB on a good day.
[ ] 1. Rule #3 compliant.

This author believes you are:

[ ] Liar [ ] Coward [ ] Loser [ ] Lamer
[ ] Spammer [X] Troll [ ] Dimwit [ ] Anarchist
[ ] Geek [ ] Hypocrite [ ] Dopehead [ ] Loony
[ ] Elvis [ ] Fake Santa [ ] An "It" [X] Clueless Newbie
[X] Obsessed Fundamentalist [ ] Religious Atheist
[ ] "Me Too"er [X] Imbecile [ ] Pervert [ ] Freakshow
[ ] Censor [ ] Raiders Fan [X] Moron [ ] Communist
[ ] Yes Man [ ] Racist [ ] Federales [ ] Potty Mouth
[ ] Politician [ ] Extortionist [ ] Jailbait [ ] Revisionist
[X] Pathetic [X] Bonehead [ ] Satanist [ ] Bogus Attorney
[ ] Wino [ ] False Prophet [ ] Infidel [ ] $cientologist
[X] ----wit [ ] Paparazzi [ ] Fake Reaper [ ] Dork
[X] Underage [ ] Blasphemer [ ] Bed-Wetter [ ] Pants-Wetter
[ ] Weird [ ] Buzzed [ ] Blitzed [ ] False Patriot
[ ] Puppet [ ] Lackey [ ] Handjobber [ ] Painted Jezebel
[ ] Palmjobber [ ] Buffoon [ ] Idiot [ ] Godwin Disciple
[ ] Waste Of Skin And Air [ ] Mind-Numbingly Incompetent
[ ] Obesely Full Of Yourself [X] Two Fries Short Of A Happy Meal
[ ] Murderer of innocent electrons [ ] MLMer [ ] MMFer
[ ] MFer [ ] Using mommy's/daddy's Internet connection
without their permission
[ ] Selectively interpreting the First Amendment
[ ] Stupid [ ] Suffering from cranial rectitis
[ ] Sock puppet [ ] --------- [ ] In dire need of a lobotomy


You have committed the unpardonable offense of:

[ ] Crossposting to hell and back
[ ] Multiposting enough times to calculate the value of pi
[ ] ...to 1,000,000 decimal places
[ ] Annoying me
[ ] Misplacing your binary
[ ] Misplacing your fly
[ ] Them's fightin' words!!
[X] Boring the hell out of me
[ ] Posting what should've been Emailed
[ ] Posting what should never have been written at all
[ ] Trying to make money on my back
[ ] Directly flaming me after I plonked your tushie
[ ] Impersonating me because you couldn't handle the stress
[ ] Looked a gift horse up the ****
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your religious beliefs on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your atheistic beliefs on others
[X] Arrogantly imposing your government horsehockey on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your racist beliefs on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your political beliefs on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your anarchist beliefs on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your parasitic beliefs on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your ethical beliefs on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your moral beliefs on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your constitutional beliefs on others
[X] Being an unoriginal bastard
[X] Making Grubor look intelligent
[ ] I don't like the tone of your voice
[ ] Posting a "YOU ALL SUCK" message
[ ] Cancelbombing a newsgroup
[ ] Being a dumb robot
[ ] Arguing with a dumb robot
[ ] Being a sock puppet
[ ] ...and claiming that you aren't
[ ] ...and not showing one sign differentiating the socks
[ ] ...and being in dire need of laundry detergent and/or bleach
[ ] Being a troll in denial
[ ] Giving me idle threats
[ ] Impersonating a Good Guy
[ ] Are a ringleader of the IEMMC
[ ] Are a lackey of the IEMMC
[ ] Are a ringleader of the DMA
[ ] Are a lackey from the DMA
[ ] Posting here for no good reason
[ ] Defied a UDP on your hide
[ ] Defied an IDP on your hide
[ ] Defied the _______ blocklist on your hide
[ ] SPEWS
[ ] SBL
[ ] SpamCop
[ ] Osirusoft
[ ] Impersonating a Rider of the Apocalypse
[ ] Pretending to be Lord High Posterchild of the known universe
[ ] Started a long, stupid thread
[ ] Caused a thread to become a long, stupid thread
[ ] Played a key role in perpetuating a long, stupid thread
[ ] Posted what has been done before
[ ] Not only that, it was done better the last time
[ ] Telling me to hit "DELETE"
[ ] Telling me to use your stoopid Remove List
[ ] Telling me that I am wasting my time
[ ] Telling me that I need to get a life
[ ] Telling me that spam is the American Way
[ ] Telling me that I have violated your Right to Frea Speach
[ ] Telling me that anti-spammers are the real net-abusers
[ ] Claimed that you were a honest ethical businessman/woman
[ ] Asking me if I have better things to do
[ ] Being waaaay off topic
[ ] Quoted the entire friggin' post
[ ] Used an anonymous remailer
[ ] Used an entirely fake identity and address
[ ] Attempting a stillborn takeover of a net abuse newsgroup
[ ] Mailbombing my dropbox
[ ] Pretending to play God
[ ] Pretending to BE God
[X] Showing intelligence under the left end of the bell curve
[ ] Tell tall tales of hackers under every rock, bush and computer log
[ ] Using the phrase "Information Superhighway"
[ ] Using HTML to post to news
[ ] Invoked Godwin's Law
[ ] Backed up *nothing* you said
[ ] Not only that, I could argue your case better than you
[ ] Can't seem to control where you're posting to
[ ] Must've spent your life in a skinner box to be this clueless
[ ] Referred to the Usenet Cabal (There Is No Cabal)
[ ] Referred to the Lumber Cartel (There is No Lumber Cartel)
[X] Using Witless Prattle
[ ] Tried to bust a spam fighter
[ ] ...and failed
[ ] ...miserably
[ ] Claimed to be a moral paragon
[ ] Falsely threatened to file a lawsuit
[ ] Falsely stated you notified The Man
[ ] Pretended that you are/were an "expert"
[ ] Pretended that you are/were a lawyer^H^H^H^H^Hcartooney
[X] Are the pathetic inbred nightmare of a gene pool result from:
[ ] John M. "Goober" Grubor
[X] Stephen "Speedbump" Boursy
[ ] Ricardo H. Gonzales
[ ] Chris "Goat" Blanc
[ ] Jai "my name is not Jay" Maharaj
[ ] "Shrimp" ImpLAnt
[X] Brown Skidmark
[ ] The One-Man-Cult Steven R. Winter
[ ] Robert E. "Soiled Panties" Byrd
[ ] Phillip J. Lawlor
[ ] Freakshow DiSisto
[ ] Dan "Huff 'n' Puff" Hufnal
[ ] Dave "Freedumb Nuts" Hayes
[ ] Donna Troy / David Hunt / Duh Shallow
[ ] Zvika "Zitoya the Zitlicker" Lichter
[ ] Dave "Crackhead" Quackenbusch
[ ] Andrew "CyberCrap" Brunner
[ ] Alan "King of Spam" Ralsky
[ ] Saying "ME TOO!"
[ ] Being a WaReZ dO0d
[ ] Being of brazenly low IQ
[X] Thinking this newsgroup is your personal billboard
[ ] Geeking around with the Freedom Knights
[ ] Trying to make money off of spam
[ ] Winning the ________ award
[ ] Kook of the Month
[ ] Looney Maroon
[ ] Foam Duck
[ ] Rabid Dog
[ ] X-Files
[ ] Laundry Basket
[ ] Being eligible for the John M. Goober Memorial Award
[ ] Being eligible for the Lifetime Misachievement Award
[ ] Conducting a stoopid pyramid scheme
[X] You are a loser
[ ] This has been pointed out to you before
[X] Nobody likes you
[ ] This has been pointed out to you before
[ ] Using stupid circular arguments
[ ] PoStEd In ElItE cAPiTaLs
[ ] Posted in ALL CAPS and you don't even own a TRS-80
[ ] You actually *own* a TRS-80
[ ] Called the Net the Web (or vice versa)
[ ] Studied for the speling bea while eating potatoe
[ ] Studied grammar talking for backwards while bee the
[ ] PO'd the SubGenii
[ ] Impersonated the SubGenii
[ ] Being profoundly ignorant of the purpose of the Internet
[ ] Being profoundly ignorant of the purpose of this newsgroup
[ ] Being profoundly ignorant of the purpose of email
[X] Being profoundly ignorant
[ ] This has been pointed out to you before
[ ] Shooting your own foot
[ ] ...repeatedly
[ ] ...with a machinegun

You have accused a...
[ ] White Hat
[ ] Cabal Agent
[ ] Lumber Cartel Agent
[ ] Antispammer

of being a/an....
[ ] Nerd [ ] **** [X] --------- [ ] Disturbed
[ ] Censor [ ] Scum [ ] Cabal [ ] BOFH
[ ] Crook [ ] Liar [ ] Coward [ ] Insane
[ ] Conspirator [ ] ----er [ ] FOTS [ ] Hacker
[ ] Kook [ ] Forger [ ] Spammer [ ] Plug-Puller
[ ] Obsessed [ ] Stalker [ ] --------- [ ] Homosexual
[ ] Left-Wing Radical [ ] Right-Wing Radical
[ ] Communist [ ] Fascist [ ] Extremist [ ] Vandal
[ ] ----wit [ ] Whiner [ ] Crybaby [ ] Geek
[ ] Evil [ ] Ultraliberal [ ] Ultraconservative
[ ] Belonging to a political party you despise
[ ] Canceller [ ] Un-American [ ] Pet Killer

As part of your penance, you should:

[ ] Be dragged out into the street and shot
[ ] If you survive, be shot again
[ ] Be dragged out onto the dunghill and shot
[ ] If you survive, be shot again
[ ] Perform oral --- on a pit bull
[ ] Receive oral --- from a pit bull
[ ] Go to the confessional of the Church of the SubGenius
[ ] Learn from Bill Mattocks the HARD way
[X] Never show yourself in this newsgroup again
[ ] Be knocked upside the head with a clue-by-four
[X] Be spanked by your mommie
[ ] Get a day job
[ ] Get a -----
[ ] Get a balloon doll
[X] Get a life
[ ] Have your jerkoffing hand outfitted with a cheese grater
[ ] Have your jerkoffing hand outfitted with sandpaper
[ ] Have your vibrator modified by Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor
[ ] Melt your Email software
[ ] Bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it
[ ] Do freestyle skiing off London Bridge
[X] Smoke less of what you're smoking
[ ] Take a long walk off a short pier and french-kiss a shark
[ ] Stick to AOL until you grow up
[ ] Be displayed in the public square as a pigeon latrine
[ ] Shall have your account pureed
[ ] Shall have your domain frapeed
[ ] Attempt to rob the Piranha Club
[ ] Snort less of what you're snorting
[ ] Get your web page hosted by the Great ISP Down Below
[ ] Bathe in a geologically active mud pot
[ ] Raise chipmunks at Chernobyl
[ ] Attend a political speech rally hosted by Bill Palmer
[ ] Receive your monthly paycheck from the Freedom Knights
[ ] Shove your keyboard where only a proctologist can find it
[ ] Make yourself an example of how to decrease the surplus population
[ ] Attend a Denver Nuggets game
[ ] Post something relevant
[ ] Read the damn FAQ
[ ] Take a pill of my choosing
[ ] Find an active volcano and throw yourself in
[X] Consume excrement until you expire
[ ] Beg for mercy
[ ] Complete a 100 kV electrical circuit using only your 'nads
[ ] Walk across an interstate highway blindfolded
[ ] Squirt tobasco sauce into your eyes
[ ] Study pedestrian-vehicular momentum changes from the pedestrian's
perspective
[ ] Have your ********* flattened with a mallet
[ ] Call the BOFH and tell him you need more disk space

In summary, I:

[ ] Spit in your face
[ ] Let my dog **** on you
[ ] Let my dog hump on you
[ ] Hope you get attacked by a herd of horny silverback gorillas with CCHF
[ ] Shall ignore you generally
[ ] Shall issue more flaming retorts
[ ] Shall flame and expose you
[ ] Shall flame, expose and report you
[ ] Shall flame, expose, report and humiliate you
[ ] *PLONK*
[ ] Shall throw peanuts at you
[ ] Blow you off
[ ] Flip you the bird
[ ] "May whatever god you believe in have mercy on your soul"
[ ] Spew phlegm in your general direction
[X] Laugh in your specific direction
[ ] Hope you slip on the septic overflow
[ ] Hope you have a good time
[ ] Complain to your ISP
[ ] Complain to law enforcement

 

Xomicron did pass the time by typing:
> A recall of your brain has been scheduled.
> (except in Mike's case as he has none)

REVISED PHOENIX STANDARDIZED LART FORM
(c) copyright 1998, 1999, 2000 Matt Magnasco
(c) copyright earlier by Phoenix.
Released to all under the GPL

This version modified by Angel.

(check all boxes that apply)

Flame Meter / Threat Level:

[ ] 10. Lucifer's tanning bed
[ ] 9. Dante's Inferno
[ ] 8. Crankshaft's barbecue
[ ] 7. Napalm
[ ] 6. Bonfire at **** bookburning demonstration
[ ] 5. Weapons grade flamethrower
[ ] 4. Bonfire at political demonstration
[ ] 3. Car bomb
[ ] 2. Dynamite
[ ] 1. Firecracker
[X] 0. Paper bag full of air

Troll Meter:

[ ] 10. More slime than in all the gutters of NYC
[ ] 9. Caps lock is all stuck^H^H^H^H^jizzed up
[ ] 8. Them little increasingly expensive dolls
[ ] 7. False reverend
[ ] 6. False prophet
[ ] 5. Grand Nagus
[ ] 4. Gargamel
[ ] 3. Enough warts to put Compound W into the Fortune 500
[X] 2. Your lips keep flapping, how odd
[ ] 1. You're operating a toll bridge out of season without a permit
[ ] 0. Troll? Ain't that what you do when you go fishin'?
[ ] -oo. Dammit, Ron Ritzman, we told you to stop trolling

Lameness Meter:

[ ] 11. Is that Freedom Rock man? Yeah man! Well turn it up man!
[ ] 10. Limper than Tone Loc after discovering Sheena was a man
[ ] 9. Quadruplegic
[ ] 8. Marshall Herff Applewhite
[ ] 7. Paraplegic
[ ] 6. Outer extremities after illegal cross-checking by Claude Lemieux
[ ] 5. The cow whom Cripple Creek was named after
[ ] 4. Mrs. O'Leary's cow
[ ] 3. AOLer
[X] 2. Same as you'd feel if you had 10 beers
[ ] 1. The Beta machine

BS Meter:

[ ] 11. "Anti-spamers are the REAL net abusers"
[ ] 10. "The universal remove list WORKS!!"
[ ] 9. A day's work for the street sweeper in Pamplona
[ ] 8. "My personal integrity is none of your concern"
[ ] 7. "I am not a crook"
[ ] 6. "We're here to serve you"
[ ] 5. "Now that I've been found innocent, I'll pursue the REAL killer"
[ ] 4. "We are not in the business of annoying people"
[X] 3. Pro wrestling
[ ] 2. "Can't we all just get along?"
[ ] 1. "I MEANT to do that!!"

Bogon Meter / Stupidity Level:

[ ] 10. Richard the Stupid.
[X] 9. Dense enough to have an event horizon.
[ ] 8. "Duhhh..."
[ ] 7. PHB on a bad day.
[ ] 6. "There is a Lumber Cartel!"
[ ] 5. Planet-wide Bogon Flare.
[ ] 4. PHB on an average day.
[ ] 3. Abuse cretin at Level 3.
[ ] 2. PHB on a good day.
[ ] 1. Rule #3 compliant.

This author believes you are:

[ ] Liar [ ] Coward [ ] Loser [ ] Lamer
[ ] Spammer [X] Troll [ ] Dimwit [ ] Anarchist
[ ] Geek [ ] Hypocrite [ ] Dopehead [ ] Loony
[ ] Elvis [ ] Fake Santa [ ] An "It" [X] Clueless Newbie
[X] Obsessed Fundamentalist [ ] Religious Atheist
[ ] "Me Too"er [X] Imbecile [ ] Pervert [ ] Freakshow
[ ] Censor [ ] Raiders Fan [X] Moron [ ] Communist
[ ] Yes Man [ ] Racist [ ] Federales [ ] Potty Mouth
[ ] Politician [ ] Extortionist [ ] Jailbait [ ] Revisionist
[X] Pathetic [X] Bonehead [ ] Satanist [ ] Bogus Attorney
[ ] Wino [ ] False Prophet [ ] Infidel [ ] $cientologist
[X] ----wit [ ] Paparazzi [ ] Fake Reaper [ ] Dork
[X] Underage [ ] Blasphemer [ ] Bed-Wetter [ ] Pants-Wetter
[ ] Weird [ ] Buzzed [ ] Blitzed [ ] False Patriot
[ ] Puppet [ ] Lackey [ ] Handjobber [ ] Painted Jezebel
[ ] Palmjobber [ ] Buffoon [ ] Idiot [ ] Godwin Disciple
[ ] Waste Of Skin And Air [ ] Mind-Numbingly Incompetent
[ ] Obesely Full Of Yourself [X] Two Fries Short Of A Happy Meal
[ ] Murderer of innocent electrons [ ] MLMer [ ] MMFer
[ ] MFer [ ] Using mommy's/daddy's Internet connection
without their permission
[ ] Selectively interpreting the First Amendment
[ ] Stupid [ ] Suffering from cranial rectitis
[ ] Sock puppet [ ] --------- [ ] In dire need of a lobotomy


You have committed the unpardonable offense of:

[ ] Crossposting to hell and back
[ ] Multiposting enough times to calculate the value of pi
[ ] ...to 1,000,000 decimal places
[ ] Annoying me
[ ] Misplacing your binary
[ ] Misplacing your fly
[ ] Them's fightin' words!!
[X] Boring the hell out of me
[ ] Posting what should've been Emailed
[ ] Posting what should never have been written at all
[ ] Trying to make money on my back
[ ] Directly flaming me after I plonked your tushie
[ ] Impersonating me because you couldn't handle the stress
[ ] Looked a gift horse up the ****
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your religious beliefs on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your atheistic beliefs on others
[X] Arrogantly imposing your government horsehockey on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your racist beliefs on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your political beliefs on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your anarchist beliefs on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your parasitic beliefs on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your ethical beliefs on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your moral beliefs on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your constitutional beliefs on others
[X] Being an unoriginal bastard
[X] Making Grubor look intelligent
[ ] I don't like the tone of your voice
[ ] Posting a "YOU ALL SUCK" message
[ ] Cancelbombing a newsgroup
[ ] Being a dumb robot
[ ] Arguing with a dumb robot
[ ] Being a sock puppet
[ ] ...and claiming that you aren't
[ ] ...and not showing one sign differentiating the socks
[ ] ...and being in dire need of laundry detergent and/or bleach
[ ] Being a troll in denial
[ ] Giving me idle threats
[ ] Impersonating a Good Guy
[ ] Are a ringleader of the IEMMC
[ ] Are a lackey of the IEMMC
[ ] Are a ringleader of the DMA
[ ] Are a lackey from the DMA
[ ] Posting here for no good reason
[ ] Defied a UDP on your hide
[ ] Defied an IDP on your hide
[ ] Defied the _______ blocklist on your hide
[ ] SPEWS
[ ] SBL
[ ] SpamCop
[ ] Osirusoft
[ ] Impersonating a Rider of the Apocalypse
[ ] Pretending to be Lord High Posterchild of the known universe
[ ] Started a long, stupid thread
[ ] Caused a thread to become a long, stupid thread
[ ] Played a key role in perpetuating a long, stupid thread
[ ] Posted what has been done before
[ ] Not only that, it was done better the last time
[ ] Telling me to hit "DELETE"
[ ] Telling me to use your stoopid Remove List
[ ] Telling me that I am wasting my time
[ ] Telling me that I need to get a life
[ ] Telling me that spam is the American Way
[ ] Telling me that I have violated your Right to Frea Speach
[ ] Telling me that anti-spammers are the real net-abusers
[ ] Claimed that you were a honest ethical businessman/woman
[ ] Asking me if I have better things to do
[ ] Being waaaay off topic
[ ] Quoted the entire friggin' post
[ ] Used an anonymous remailer
[ ] Used an entirely fake identity and address
[ ] Attempting a stillborn takeover of a net abuse newsgroup
[ ] Mailbombing my dropbox
[ ] Pretending to play God
[ ] Pretending to BE God
[X] Showing intelligence under the left end of the bell curve
[ ] Tell tall tales of hackers under every rock, bush and computer log
[ ] Using the phrase "Information Superhighway"
[ ] Using HTML to post to news
[ ] Invoked Godwin's Law
[ ] Backed up *nothing* you said
[ ] Not only that, I could argue your case better than you
[ ] Can't seem to control where you're posting to
[ ] Must've spent your life in a skinner box to be this clueless
[ ] Referred to the Usenet Cabal (There Is No Cabal)
[ ] Referred to the Lumber Cartel (There is No Lumber Cartel)
[X] Using Witless Prattle
[ ] Tried to bust a spam fighter
[ ] ...and failed
[ ] ...miserably
[ ] Claimed to be a moral paragon
[ ] Falsely threatened to file a lawsuit
[ ] Falsely stated you notified The Man
[ ] Pretended that you are/were an "expert"
[ ] Pretended that you are/were a lawyer^H^H^H^H^Hcartooney
[X] Are the pathetic inbred nightmare of a gene pool result from:
[ ] John M. "Goober" Grubor
[X] Stephen "Speedbump" Boursy
[ ] Ricardo H. Gonzales
[ ] Chris "Goat" Blanc
[ ] Jai "my name is not Jay" Maharaj
[ ] "Shrimp" ImpLAnt
[X] Brown Skidmark
[ ] The One-Man-Cult Steven R. Winter
[ ] Robert E. "Soiled Panties" Byrd
[ ] Phillip J. Lawlor
[ ] Freakshow DiSisto
[ ] Dan "Huff 'n' Puff" Hufnal
[ ] Dave "Freedumb Nuts" Hayes
[ ] Donna Troy / David Hunt / Duh Shallow
[ ] Zvika "Zitoya the Zitlicker" Lichter
[ ] Dave "Crackhead" Quackenbusch
[ ] Andrew "CyberCrap" Brunner
[ ] Alan "King of Spam" Ralsky
[ ] Saying "ME TOO!"
[ ] Being a WaReZ dO0d
[ ] Being of brazenly low IQ
[X] Thinking this newsgroup is your personal billboard
[ ] Geeking around with the Freedom Knights
[ ] Trying to make money off of spam
[ ] Winning the ________ award
[ ] Kook of the Month
[ ] Looney Maroon
[ ] Foam Duck
[ ] Rabid Dog
[ ] X-Files
[ ] Laundry Basket
[ ] Being eligible for the John M. Goober Memorial Award
[ ] Being eligible for the Lifetime Misachievement Award
[ ] Conducting a stoopid pyramid scheme
[X] You are a loser
[ ] This has been pointed out to you before
[X] Nobody likes you
[ ] This has been pointed out to you before
[ ] Using stupid circular arguments
[ ] PoStEd In ElItE cAPiTaLs
[ ] Posted in ALL CAPS and you don't even own a TRS-80
[ ] You actually *own* a TRS-80
[ ] Called the Net the Web (or vice versa)
[ ] Studied for the speling bea while eating potatoe
[ ] Studied grammar talking for backwards while bee the
[ ] PO'd the SubGenii
[ ] Impersonated the SubGenii
[ ] Being profoundly ignorant of the purpose of the Internet
[ ] Being profoundly ignorant of the purpose of this newsgroup
[ ] Being profoundly ignorant of the purpose of email
[X] Being profoundly ignorant
[ ] This has been pointed out to you before
[ ] Shooting your own foot
[ ] ...repeatedly
[ ] ...with a machinegun

You have accused a...
[ ] White Hat
[ ] Cabal Agent
[ ] Lumber Cartel Agent
[ ] Antispammer

of being a/an....
[ ] Nerd [ ] **** [X] --------- [ ] Disturbed
[ ] Censor [ ] Scum [ ] Cabal [ ] BOFH
[ ] Crook [ ] Liar [ ] Coward [ ] Insane
[ ] Conspirator [ ] ----er [ ] FOTS [ ] Hacker
[ ] Kook [ ] Forger [ ] Spammer [ ] Plug-Puller
[ ] Obsessed [ ] Stalker [ ] --------- [ ] Homosexual
[ ] Left-Wing Radical [ ] Right-Wing Radical
[ ] Communist [ ] Fascist [ ] Extremist [ ] Vandal
[ ] ----wit [ ] Whiner [ ] Crybaby [ ] Geek
[ ] Evil [ ] Ultraliberal [ ] Ultraconservative
[ ] Belonging to a political party you despise
[ ] Canceller [ ] Un-American [ ] Pet Killer

As part of your penance, you should:

[ ] Be dragged out into the street and shot
[ ] If you survive, be shot again
[ ] Be dragged out onto the dunghill and shot
[ ] If you survive, be shot again
[ ] Perform oral --- on a pit bull
[ ] Receive oral --- from a pit bull
[ ] Go to the confessional of the Church of the SubGenius
[ ] Learn from Bill Mattocks the HARD way
[X] Never show yourself in this newsgroup again
[ ] Be knocked upside the head with a clue-by-four
[X] Be spanked by your mommie
[ ] Get a day job
[ ] Get a -----
[ ] Get a balloon doll
[X] Get a life
[ ] Have your jerkoffing hand outfitted with a cheese grater
[ ] Have your jerkoffing hand outfitted with sandpaper
[ ] Have your vibrator modified by Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor
[ ] Melt your Email software
[ ] Bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it
[ ] Do freestyle skiing off London Bridge
[X] Smoke less of what you're smoking
[ ] Take a long walk off a short pier and french-kiss a shark
[ ] Stick to AOL until you grow up
[ ] Be displayed in the public square as a pigeon latrine
[ ] Shall have your account pureed
[ ] Shall have your domain frapeed
[ ] Attempt to rob the Piranha Club
[ ] Snort less of what you're snorting
[ ] Get your web page hosted by the Great ISP Down Below
[ ] Bathe in a geologically active mud pot
[ ] Raise chipmunks at Chernobyl
[ ] Attend a political speech rally hosted by Bill Palmer
[ ] Receive your monthly paycheck from the Freedom Knights
[ ] Shove your keyboard where only a proctologist can find it
[ ] Make yourself an example of how to decrease the surplus population
[ ] Attend a Denver Nuggets game
[ ] Post something relevant
[ ] Read the damn FAQ
[ ] Take a pill of my choosing
[ ] Find an active volcano and throw yourself in
[X] Consume excrement until you expire
[ ] Beg for mercy
[ ] Complete a 100 kV electrical circuit using only your 'nads
[ ] Walk across an interstate highway blindfolded
[ ] Squirt tobasco sauce into your eyes
[ ] Study pedestrian-vehicular momentum changes from the pedestrian's
perspective
[ ] Have your ********* flattened with a mallet
[ ] Call the BOFH and tell him you need more disk space

In summary, I:

[ ] Spit in your face
[ ] Let my dog **** on you
[ ] Let my dog hump on you
[ ] Hope you get attacked by a herd of horny silverback gorillas with CCHF
[ ] Shall ignore you generally
[ ] Shall issue more flaming retorts
[ ] Shall flame and expose you
[ ] Shall flame, expose and report you
[ ] Shall flame, expose, report and humiliate you
[ ] *PLONK*
[ ] Shall throw peanuts at you
[ ] Blow you off
[ ] Flip you the bird
[ ] "May whatever god you believe in have mercy on your soul"
[ ] Spew phlegm in your general direction
[X] Laugh in your specific direction
[ ] Hope you slip on the septic overflow
[ ] Hope you have a good time
[ ] Complain to your ISP
[ ] Complain to law enforcement

 

Xomicron did pass the time by typing:
> A recall of your brain has been scheduled.
> (except in Mike's case as he has none)

REVISED PHOENIX STANDARDIZED LART FORM
(c) copyright 1998, 1999, 2000 Matt Magnasco
(c) copyright earlier by Phoenix.
Released to all under the GPL

This version modified by Angel.

(check all boxes that apply)

Flame Meter / Threat Level:

[ ] 10. Lucifer's tanning bed
[ ] 9. Dante's Inferno
[ ] 8. Crankshaft's barbecue
[ ] 7. Napalm
[ ] 6. Bonfire at **** bookburning demonstration
[ ] 5. Weapons grade flamethrower
[ ] 4. Bonfire at political demonstration
[ ] 3. Car bomb
[ ] 2. Dynamite
[ ] 1. Firecracker
[X] 0. Paper bag full of air

Troll Meter:

[ ] 10. More slime than in all the gutters of NYC
[ ] 9. Caps lock is all stuck^H^H^H^H^jizzed up
[ ] 8. Them little increasingly expensive dolls
[ ] 7. False reverend
[ ] 6. False prophet
[ ] 5. Grand Nagus
[ ] 4. Gargamel
[ ] 3. Enough warts to put Compound W into the Fortune 500
[X] 2. Your lips keep flapping, how odd
[ ] 1. You're operating a toll bridge out of season without a permit
[ ] 0. Troll? Ain't that what you do when you go fishin'?
[ ] -oo. Dammit, Ron Ritzman, we told you to stop trolling

Lameness Meter:

[ ] 11. Is that Freedom Rock man? Yeah man! Well turn it up man!
[ ] 10. Limper than Tone Loc after discovering Sheena was a man
[ ] 9. Quadruplegic
[ ] 8. Marshall Herff Applewhite
[ ] 7. Paraplegic
[ ] 6. Outer extremities after illegal cross-checking by Claude Lemieux
[ ] 5. The cow whom Cripple Creek was named after
[ ] 4. Mrs. O'Leary's cow
[ ] 3. AOLer
[X] 2. Same as you'd feel if you had 10 beers
[ ] 1. The Beta machine

BS Meter:

[ ] 11. "Anti-spamers are the REAL net abusers"
[ ] 10. "The universal remove list WORKS!!"
[ ] 9. A day's work for the street sweeper in Pamplona
[ ] 8. "My personal integrity is none of your concern"
[ ] 7. "I am not a crook"
[ ] 6. "We're here to serve you"
[ ] 5. "Now that I've been found innocent, I'll pursue the REAL killer"
[ ] 4. "We are not in the business of annoying people"
[X] 3. Pro wrestling
[ ] 2. "Can't we all just get along?"
[ ] 1. "I MEANT to do that!!"

Bogon Meter / Stupidity Level:

[ ] 10. Richard the Stupid.
[X] 9. Dense enough to have an event horizon.
[ ] 8. "Duhhh..."
[ ] 7. PHB on a bad day.
[ ] 6. "There is a Lumber Cartel!"
[ ] 5. Planet-wide Bogon Flare.
[ ] 4. PHB on an average day.
[ ] 3. Abuse cretin at Level 3.
[ ] 2. PHB on a good day.
[ ] 1. Rule #3 compliant.

This author believes you are:

[ ] Liar [ ] Coward [ ] Loser [ ] Lamer
[ ] Spammer [X] Troll [ ] Dimwit [ ] Anarchist
[ ] Geek [ ] Hypocrite [ ] Dopehead [ ] Loony
[ ] Elvis [ ] Fake Santa [ ] An "It" [X] Clueless Newbie
[X] Obsessed Fundamentalist [ ] Religious Atheist
[ ] "Me Too"er [X] Imbecile [ ] Pervert [ ] Freakshow
[ ] Censor [ ] Raiders Fan [X] Moron [ ] Communist
[ ] Yes Man [ ] Racist [ ] Federales [ ] Potty Mouth
[ ] Politician [ ] Extortionist [ ] Jailbait [ ] Revisionist
[X] Pathetic [X] Bonehead [ ] Satanist [ ] Bogus Attorney
[ ] Wino [ ] False Prophet [ ] Infidel [ ] $cientologist
[X] ----wit [ ] Paparazzi [ ] Fake Reaper [ ] Dork
[X] Underage [ ] Blasphemer [ ] Bed-Wetter [ ] Pants-Wetter
[ ] Weird [ ] Buzzed [ ] Blitzed [ ] False Patriot
[ ] Puppet [ ] Lackey [ ] Handjobber [ ] Painted Jezebel
[ ] Palmjobber [ ] Buffoon [ ] Idiot [ ] Godwin Disciple
[ ] Waste Of Skin And Air [ ] Mind-Numbingly Incompetent
[ ] Obesely Full Of Yourself [X] Two Fries Short Of A Happy Meal
[ ] Murderer of innocent electrons [ ] MLMer [ ] MMFer
[ ] MFer [ ] Using mommy's/daddy's Internet connection
without their permission
[ ] Selectively interpreting the First Amendment
[ ] Stupid [ ] Suffering from cranial rectitis
[ ] Sock puppet [ ] --------- [ ] In dire need of a lobotomy


You have committed the unpardonable offense of:

[ ] Crossposting to hell and back
[ ] Multiposting enough times to calculate the value of pi
[ ] ...to 1,000,000 decimal places
[ ] Annoying me
[ ] Misplacing your binary
[ ] Misplacing your fly
[ ] Them's fightin' words!!
[X] Boring the hell out of me
[ ] Posting what should've been Emailed
[ ] Posting what should never have been written at all
[ ] Trying to make money on my back
[ ] Directly flaming me after I plonked your tushie
[ ] Impersonating me because you couldn't handle the stress
[ ] Looked a gift horse up the ****
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your religious beliefs on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your atheistic beliefs on others
[X] Arrogantly imposing your government horsehockey on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your racist beliefs on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your political beliefs on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your anarchist beliefs on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your parasitic beliefs on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your ethical beliefs on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your moral beliefs on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your constitutional beliefs on others
[X] Being an unoriginal bastard
[X] Making Grubor look intelligent
[ ] I don't like the tone of your voice
[ ] Posting a "YOU ALL SUCK" message
[ ] Cancelbombing a newsgroup
[ ] Being a dumb robot
[ ] Arguing with a dumb robot
[ ] Being a sock puppet
[ ] ...and claiming that you aren't
[ ] ...and not showing one sign differentiating the socks
[ ] ...and being in dire need of laundry detergent and/or bleach
[ ] Being a troll in denial
[ ] Giving me idle threats
[ ] Impersonating a Good Guy
[ ] Are a ringleader of the IEMMC
[ ] Are a lackey of the IEMMC
[ ] Are a ringleader of the DMA
[ ] Are a lackey from the DMA
[ ] Posting here for no good reason
[ ] Defied a UDP on your hide
[ ] Defied an IDP on your hide
[ ] Defied the _______ blocklist on your hide
[ ] SPEWS
[ ] SBL
[ ] SpamCop
[ ] Osirusoft
[ ] Impersonating a Rider of the Apocalypse
[ ] Pretending to be Lord High Posterchild of the known universe
[ ] Started a long, stupid thread
[ ] Caused a thread to become a long, stupid thread
[ ] Played a key role in perpetuating a long, stupid thread
[ ] Posted what has been done before
[ ] Not only that, it was done better the last time
[ ] Telling me to hit "DELETE"
[ ] Telling me to use your stoopid Remove List
[ ] Telling me that I am wasting my time
[ ] Telling me that I need to get a life
[ ] Telling me that spam is the American Way
[ ] Telling me that I have violated your Right to Frea Speach
[ ] Telling me that anti-spammers are the real net-abusers
[ ] Claimed that you were a honest ethical businessman/woman
[ ] Asking me if I have better things to do
[ ] Being waaaay off topic
[ ] Quoted the entire friggin' post
[ ] Used an anonymous remailer
[ ] Used an entirely fake identity and address
[ ] Attempting a stillborn takeover of a net abuse newsgroup
[ ] Mailbombing my dropbox
[ ] Pretending to play God
[ ] Pretending to BE God
[X] Showing intelligence under the left end of the bell curve
[ ] Tell tall tales of hackers under every rock, bush and computer log
[ ] Using the phrase "Information Superhighway"
[ ] Using HTML to post to news
[ ] Invoked Godwin's Law
[ ] Backed up *nothing* you said
[ ] Not only that, I could argue your case better than you
[ ] Can't seem to control where you're posting to
[ ] Must've spent your life in a skinner box to be this clueless
[ ] Referred to the Usenet Cabal (There Is No Cabal)
[ ] Referred to the Lumber Cartel (There is No Lumber Cartel)
[X] Using Witless Prattle
[ ] Tried to bust a spam fighter
[ ] ...and failed
[ ] ...miserably
[ ] Claimed to be a moral paragon
[ ] Falsely threatened to file a lawsuit
[ ] Falsely stated you notified The Man
[ ] Pretended that you are/were an "expert"
[ ] Pretended that you are/were a lawyer^H^H^H^H^Hcartooney
[X] Are the pathetic inbred nightmare of a gene pool result from:
[ ] John M. "Goober" Grubor
[X] Stephen "Speedbump" Boursy
[ ] Ricardo H. Gonzales
[ ] Chris "Goat" Blanc
[ ] Jai "my name is not Jay" Maharaj
[ ] "Shrimp" ImpLAnt
[X] Brown Skidmark
[ ] The One-Man-Cult Steven R. Winter
[ ] Robert E. "Soiled Panties" Byrd
[ ] Phillip J. Lawlor
[ ] Freakshow DiSisto
[ ] Dan "Huff 'n' Puff" Hufnal
[ ] Dave "Freedumb Nuts" Hayes
[ ] Donna Troy / David Hunt / Duh Shallow
[ ] Zvika "Zitoya the Zitlicker" Lichter
[ ] Dave "Crackhead" Quackenbusch
[ ] Andrew "CyberCrap" Brunner
[ ] Alan "King of Spam" Ralsky
[ ] Saying "ME TOO!"
[ ] Being a WaReZ dO0d
[ ] Being of brazenly low IQ
[X] Thinking this newsgroup is your personal billboard
[ ] Geeking around with the Freedom Knights
[ ] Trying to make money off of spam
[ ] Winning the ________ award
[ ] Kook of the Month
[ ] Looney Maroon
[ ] Foam Duck
[ ] Rabid Dog
[ ] X-Files
[ ] Laundry Basket
[ ] Being eligible for the John M. Goober Memorial Award
[ ] Being eligible for the Lifetime Misachievement Award
[ ] Conducting a stoopid pyramid scheme
[X] You are a loser
[ ] This has been pointed out to you before
[X] Nobody likes you
[ ] This has been pointed out to you before
[ ] Using stupid circular arguments
[ ] PoStEd In ElItE cAPiTaLs
[ ] Posted in ALL CAPS and you don't even own a TRS-80
[ ] You actually *own* a TRS-80
[ ] Called the Net the Web (or vice versa)
[ ] Studied for the speling bea while eating potatoe
[ ] Studied grammar talking for backwards while bee the
[ ] PO'd the SubGenii
[ ] Impersonated the SubGenii
[ ] Being profoundly ignorant of the purpose of the Internet
[ ] Being profoundly ignorant of the purpose of this newsgroup
[ ] Being profoundly ignorant of the purpose of email
[X] Being profoundly ignorant
[ ] This has been pointed out to you before
[ ] Shooting your own foot
[ ] ...repeatedly
[ ] ...with a machinegun

You have accused a...
[ ] White Hat
[ ] Cabal Agent
[ ] Lumber Cartel Agent
[ ] Antispammer

of being a/an....
[ ] Nerd [ ] **** [X] --------- [ ] Disturbed
[ ] Censor [ ] Scum [ ] Cabal [ ] BOFH
[ ] Crook [ ] Liar [ ] Coward [ ] Insane
[ ] Conspirator [ ] ----er [ ] FOTS [ ] Hacker
[ ] Kook [ ] Forger [ ] Spammer [ ] Plug-Puller
[ ] Obsessed [ ] Stalker [ ] --------- [ ] Homosexual
[ ] Left-Wing Radical [ ] Right-Wing Radical
[ ] Communist [ ] Fascist [ ] Extremist [ ] Vandal
[ ] ----wit [ ] Whiner [ ] Crybaby [ ] Geek
[ ] Evil [ ] Ultraliberal [ ] Ultraconservative
[ ] Belonging to a political party you despise
[ ] Canceller [ ] Un-American [ ] Pet Killer

As part of your penance, you should:

[ ] Be dragged out into the street and shot
[ ] If you survive, be shot again
[ ] Be dragged out onto the dunghill and shot
[ ] If you survive, be shot again
[ ] Perform oral --- on a pit bull
[ ] Receive oral --- from a pit bull
[ ] Go to the confessional of the Church of the SubGenius
[ ] Learn from Bill Mattocks the HARD way
[X] Never show yourself in this newsgroup again
[ ] Be knocked upside the head with a clue-by-four
[X] Be spanked by your mommie
[ ] Get a day job
[ ] Get a -----
[ ] Get a balloon doll
[X] Get a life
[ ] Have your jerkoffing hand outfitted with a cheese grater
[ ] Have your jerkoffing hand outfitted with sandpaper
[ ] Have your vibrator modified by Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor
[ ] Melt your Email software
[ ] Bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it
[ ] Do freestyle skiing off London Bridge
[X] Smoke less of what you're smoking
[ ] Take a long walk off a short pier and french-kiss a shark
[ ] Stick to AOL until you grow up
[ ] Be displayed in the public square as a pigeon latrine
[ ] Shall have your account pureed
[ ] Shall have your domain frapeed
[ ] Attempt to rob the Piranha Club
[ ] Snort less of what you're snorting
[ ] Get your web page hosted by the Great ISP Down Below
[ ] Bathe in a geologically active mud pot
[ ] Raise chipmunks at Chernobyl
[ ] Attend a political speech rally hosted by Bill Palmer
[ ] Receive your monthly paycheck from the Freedom Knights
[ ] Shove your keyboard where only a proctologist can find it
[ ] Make yourself an example of how to decrease the surplus population
[ ] Attend a Denver Nuggets game
[ ] Post something relevant
[ ] Read the damn FAQ
[ ] Take a pill of my choosing
[ ] Find an active volcano and throw yourself in
[X] Consume excrement until you expire
[ ] Beg for mercy
[ ] Complete a 100 kV electrical circuit using only your 'nads
[ ] Walk across an interstate highway blindfolded
[ ] Squirt tobasco sauce into your eyes
[ ] Study pedestrian-vehicular momentum changes from the pedestrian's
perspective
[ ] Have your ********* flattened with a mallet
[ ] Call the BOFH and tell him you need more disk space

In summary, I:

[ ] Spit in your face
[ ] Let my dog **** on you
[ ] Let my dog hump on you
[ ] Hope you get attacked by a herd of horny silverback gorillas with CCHF
[ ] Shall ignore you generally
[ ] Shall issue more flaming retorts
[ ] Shall flame and expose you
[ ] Shall flame, expose and report you
[ ] Shall flame, expose, report and humiliate you
[ ] *PLONK*
[ ] Shall throw peanuts at you
[ ] Blow you off
[ ] Flip you the bird
[ ] "May whatever god you believe in have mercy on your soul"
[ ] Spew phlegm in your general direction
[X] Laugh in your specific direction
[ ] Hope you slip on the septic overflow
[ ] Hope you have a good time
[ ] Complain to your ISP
[ ] Complain to law enforcement

 

Xomicron did pass the time by typing:
> A recall of your brain has been scheduled.
> (except in Mike's case as he has none)

REVISED PHOENIX STANDARDIZED LART FORM
(c) copyright 1998, 1999, 2000 Matt Magnasco
(c) copyright earlier by Phoenix.
Released to all under the GPL

This version modified by Angel.

(check all boxes that apply)

Flame Meter / Threat Level:

[ ] 10. Lucifer's tanning bed
[ ] 9. Dante's Inferno
[ ] 8. Crankshaft's barbecue
[ ] 7. Napalm
[ ] 6. Bonfire at **** bookburning demonstration
[ ] 5. Weapons grade flamethrower
[ ] 4. Bonfire at political demonstration
[ ] 3. Car bomb
[ ] 2. Dynamite
[ ] 1. Firecracker
[X] 0. Paper bag full of air

Troll Meter:

[ ] 10. More slime than in all the gutters of NYC
[ ] 9. Caps lock is all stuck^H^H^H^H^jizzed up
[ ] 8. Them little increasingly expensive dolls
[ ] 7. False reverend
[ ] 6. False prophet
[ ] 5. Grand Nagus
[ ] 4. Gargamel
[ ] 3. Enough warts to put Compound W into the Fortune 500
[X] 2. Your lips keep flapping, how odd
[ ] 1. You're operating a toll bridge out of season without a permit
[ ] 0. Troll? Ain't that what you do when you go fishin'?
[ ] -oo. Dammit, Ron Ritzman, we told you to stop trolling

Lameness Meter:

[ ] 11. Is that Freedom Rock man? Yeah man! Well turn it up man!
[ ] 10. Limper than Tone Loc after discovering Sheena was a man
[ ] 9. Quadruplegic
[ ] 8. Marshall Herff Applewhite
[ ] 7. Paraplegic
[ ] 6. Outer extremities after illegal cross-checking by Claude Lemieux
[ ] 5. The cow whom Cripple Creek was named after
[ ] 4. Mrs. O'Leary's cow
[ ] 3. AOLer
[X] 2. Same as you'd feel if you had 10 beers
[ ] 1. The Beta machine

BS Meter:

[ ] 11. "Anti-spamers are the REAL net abusers"
[ ] 10. "The universal remove list WORKS!!"
[ ] 9. A day's work for the street sweeper in Pamplona
[ ] 8. "My personal integrity is none of your concern"
[ ] 7. "I am not a crook"
[ ] 6. "We're here to serve you"
[ ] 5. "Now that I've been found innocent, I'll pursue the REAL killer"
[ ] 4. "We are not in the business of annoying people"
[X] 3. Pro wrestling
[ ] 2. "Can't we all just get along?"
[ ] 1. "I MEANT to do that!!"

Bogon Meter / Stupidity Level:

[ ] 10. Richard the Stupid.
[X] 9. Dense enough to have an event horizon.
[ ] 8. "Duhhh..."
[ ] 7. PHB on a bad day.
[ ] 6. "There is a Lumber Cartel!"
[ ] 5. Planet-wide Bogon Flare.
[ ] 4. PHB on an average day.
[ ] 3. Abuse cretin at Level 3.
[ ] 2. PHB on a good day.
[ ] 1. Rule #3 compliant.

This author believes you are:

[ ] Liar [ ] Coward [ ] Loser [ ] Lamer
[ ] Spammer [X] Troll [ ] Dimwit [ ] Anarchist
[ ] Geek [ ] Hypocrite [ ] Dopehead [ ] Loony
[ ] Elvis [ ] Fake Santa [ ] An "It" [X] Clueless Newbie
[X] Obsessed Fundamentalist [ ] Religious Atheist
[ ] "Me Too"er [X] Imbecile [ ] Pervert [ ] Freakshow
[ ] Censor [ ] Raiders Fan [X] Moron [ ] Communist
[ ] Yes Man [ ] Racist [ ] Federales [ ] Potty Mouth
[ ] Politician [ ] Extortionist [ ] Jailbait [ ] Revisionist
[X] Pathetic [X] Bonehead [ ] Satanist [ ] Bogus Attorney
[ ] Wino [ ] False Prophet [ ] Infidel [ ] $cientologist
[X] ----wit [ ] Paparazzi [ ] Fake Reaper [ ] Dork
[X] Underage [ ] Blasphemer [ ] Bed-Wetter [ ] Pants-Wetter
[ ] Weird [ ] Buzzed [ ] Blitzed [ ] False Patriot
[ ] Puppet [ ] Lackey [ ] Handjobber [ ] Painted Jezebel
[ ] Palmjobber [ ] Buffoon [ ] Idiot [ ] Godwin Disciple
[ ] Waste Of Skin And Air [ ] Mind-Numbingly Incompetent
[ ] Obesely Full Of Yourself [X] Two Fries Short Of A Happy Meal
[ ] Murderer of innocent electrons [ ] MLMer [ ] MMFer
[ ] MFer [ ] Using mommy's/daddy's Internet connection
without their permission
[ ] Selectively interpreting the First Amendment
[ ] Stupid [ ] Suffering from cranial rectitis
[ ] Sock puppet [ ] --------- [ ] In dire need of a lobotomy


You have committed the unpardonable offense of:

[ ] Crossposting to hell and back
[ ] Multiposting enough times to calculate the value of pi
[ ] ...to 1,000,000 decimal places
[ ] Annoying me
[ ] Misplacing your binary
[ ] Misplacing your fly
[ ] Them's fightin' words!!
[X] Boring the hell out of me
[ ] Posting what should've been Emailed
[ ] Posting what should never have been written at all
[ ] Trying to make money on my back
[ ] Directly flaming me after I plonked your tushie
[ ] Impersonating me because you couldn't handle the stress
[ ] Looked a gift horse up the ****
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your religious beliefs on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your atheistic beliefs on others
[X] Arrogantly imposing your government horsehockey on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your racist beliefs on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your political beliefs on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your anarchist beliefs on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your parasitic beliefs on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your ethical beliefs on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your moral beliefs on others
[ ] Arrogantly imposing your constitutional beliefs on others
[X] Being an unoriginal bastard
[X] Making Grubor look intelligent
[ ] I don't like the tone of your voice
[ ] Posting a "YOU ALL SUCK" message
[ ] Cancelbombing a newsgroup
[ ] Being a dumb robot
[ ] Arguing with a dumb robot
[ ] Being a sock puppet
[ ] ...and claiming that you aren't
[ ] ...and not showing one sign differentiating the socks
[ ] ...and being in dire need of laundry detergent and/or bleach
[ ] Being a troll in denial
[ ] Giving me idle threats
[ ] Impersonating a Good Guy
[ ] Are a ringleader of the IEMMC
[ ] Are a lackey of the IEMMC
[ ] Are a ringleader of the DMA
[ ] Are a lackey from the DMA
[ ] Posting here for no good reason
[ ] Defied a UDP on your hide
[ ] Defied an IDP on your hide
[ ] Defied the _______ blocklist on your hide
[ ] SPEWS
[ ] SBL
[ ] SpamCop
[ ] Osirusoft
[ ] Impersonating a Rider of the Apocalypse
[ ] Pretending to be Lord High Posterchild of the known universe
[ ] Started a long, stupid thread
[ ] Caused a thread to become a long, stupid thread
[ ] Played a key role in perpetuating a long, stupid thread
[ ] Posted what has been done before
[ ] Not only that, it was done better the last time
[ ] Telling me to hit "DELETE"
[ ] Telling me to use your stoopid Remove List
[ ] Telling me that I am wasting my time
[ ] Telling me that I need to get a life
[ ] Telling me that spam is the American Way
[ ] Telling me that I have violated your Right to Frea Speach
[ ] Telling me that anti-spammers are the real net-abusers
[ ] Claimed that you were a honest ethical businessman/woman
[ ] Asking me if I have better things to do
[ ] Being waaaay off topic
[ ] Quoted the entire friggin' post
[ ] Used an anonymous remailer
[ ] Used an entirely fake identity and address
[ ] Attempting a stillborn takeover of a net abuse newsgroup
[ ] Mailbombing my dropbox
[ ] Pretending to play God
[ ] Pretending to BE God
[X] Showing intelligence under the left end of the bell curve
[ ] Tell tall tales of hackers under every rock, bush and computer log
[ ] Using the phrase "Information Superhighway"
[ ] Using HTML to post to news
[ ] Invoked Godwin's Law
[ ] Backed up *nothing* you said
[ ] Not only that, I could argue your case better than you
[ ] Can't seem to control where you're posting to
[ ] Must've spent your life in a skinner box to be this clueless
[ ] Referred to the Usenet Cabal (There Is No Cabal)
[ ] Referred to the Lumber Cartel (There is No Lumber Cartel)
[X] Using Witless Prattle
[ ] Tried to bust a spam fighter
[ ] ...and failed
[ ] ...miserably
[ ] Claimed to be a moral paragon
[ ] Falsely threatened to file a lawsuit
[ ] Falsely stated you notified The Man
[ ] Pretended that you are/were an "expert"
[ ] Pretended that you are/were a lawyer^H^H^H^H^Hcartooney
[X] Are the pathetic inbred nightmare of a gene pool result from:
[ ] John M. "Goober" Grubor
[X] Stephen "Speedbump" Boursy
[ ] Ricardo H. Gonzales
[ ] Chris "Goat" Blanc
[ ] Jai "my name is not Jay" Maharaj
[ ] "Shrimp" ImpLAnt
[X] Brown Skidmark
[ ] The One-Man-Cult Steven R. Winter
[ ] Robert E. "Soiled Panties" Byrd
[ ] Phillip J. Lawlor
[ ] Freakshow DiSisto
[ ] Dan "Huff 'n' Puff" Hufnal
[ ] Dave "Freedumb Nuts" Hayes
[ ] Donna Troy / David Hunt / Duh Shallow
[ ] Zvika "Zitoya the Zitlicker" Lichter
[ ] Dave "Crackhead" Quackenbusch
[ ] Andrew "CyberCrap" Brunner
[ ] Alan "King of Spam" Ralsky
[ ] Saying "ME TOO!"
[ ] Being a WaReZ dO0d
[ ] Being of brazenly low IQ
[X] Thinking this newsgroup is your personal billboard
[ ] Geeking around with the Freedom Knights
[ ] Trying to make money off of spam
[ ] Winning the ________ award
[ ] Kook of the Month
[ ] Looney Maroon
[ ] Foam Duck
[ ] Rabid Dog
[ ] X-Files
[ ] Laundry Basket
[ ] Being eligible for the John M. Goober Memorial Award
[ ] Being eligible for the Lifetime Misachievement Award
[ ] Conducting a stoopid pyramid scheme
[X] You are a loser
[ ] This has been pointed out to you before
[X] Nobody likes you
[ ] This has been pointed out to you before
[ ] Using stupid circular arguments
[ ] PoStEd In ElItE cAPiTaLs
[ ] Posted in ALL CAPS and you don't even own a TRS-80
[ ] You actually *own* a TRS-80
[ ] Called the Net the Web (or vice versa)
[ ] Studied for the speling bea while eating potatoe
[ ] Studied grammar talking for backwards while bee the
[ ] PO'd the SubGenii
[ ] Impersonated the SubGenii
[ ] Being profoundly ignorant of the purpose of the Internet
[ ] Being profoundly ignorant of the purpose of this newsgroup
[ ] Being profoundly ignorant of the purpose of email
[X] Being profoundly ignorant
[ ] This has been pointed out to you before
[ ] Shooting your own foot
[ ] ...repeatedly
[ ] ...with a machinegun

You have accused a...
[ ] White Hat
[ ] Cabal Agent
[ ] Lumber Cartel Agent
[ ] Antispammer

of being a/an....
[ ] Nerd [ ] **** [X] --------- [ ] Disturbed
[ ] Censor [ ] Scum [ ] Cabal [ ] BOFH
[ ] Crook [ ] Liar [ ] Coward [ ] Insane
[ ] Conspirator [ ] ----er [ ] FOTS [ ] Hacker
[ ] Kook [ ] Forger [ ] Spammer [ ] Plug-Puller
[ ] Obsessed [ ] Stalker [ ] --------- [ ] Homosexual
[ ] Left-Wing Radical [ ] Right-Wing Radical
[ ] Communist [ ] Fascist [ ] Extremist [ ] Vandal
[ ] ----wit [ ] Whiner [ ] Crybaby [ ] Geek
[ ] Evil [ ] Ultraliberal [ ] Ultraconservative
[ ] Belonging to a political party you despise
[ ] Canceller [ ] Un-American [ ] Pet Killer

As part of your penance, you should:

[ ] Be dragged out into the street and shot
[ ] If you survive, be shot again
[ ] Be dragged out onto the dunghill and shot
[ ] If you survive, be shot again
[ ] Perform oral --- on a pit bull
[ ] Receive oral --- from a pit bull
[ ] Go to the confessional of the Church of the SubGenius
[ ] Learn from Bill Mattocks the HARD way
[X] Never show yourself in this newsgroup again
[ ] Be knocked upside the head with a clue-by-four
[X] Be spanked by your mommie
[ ] Get a day job
[ ] Get a -----
[ ] Get a balloon doll
[X] Get a life
[ ] Have your jerkoffing hand outfitted with a cheese grater
[ ] Have your jerkoffing hand outfitted with sandpaper
[ ] Have your vibrator modified by Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor
[ ] Melt your Email software
[ ] Bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it
[ ] Do freestyle skiing off London Bridge
[X] Smoke less of what you're smoking
[ ] Take a long walk off a short pier and french-kiss a shark
[ ] Stick to AOL until you grow up
[ ] Be displayed in the public square as a pigeon latrine
[ ] Shall have your account pureed
[ ] Shall have your domain frapeed
[ ] Attempt to rob the Piranha Club
[ ] Snort less of what you're snorting
[ ] Get your web page hosted by the Great ISP Down Below
[ ] Bathe in a geologically active mud pot
[ ] Raise chipmunks at Chernobyl
[ ] Attend a political speech rally hosted by Bill Palmer
[ ] Receive your monthly paycheck from the Freedom Knights
[ ] Shove your keyboard where only a proctologist can find it
[ ] Make yourself an example of how to decrease the surplus population
[ ] Attend a Denver Nuggets game
[ ] Post something relevant
[ ] Read the damn FAQ
[ ] Take a pill of my choosing
[ ] Find an active volcano and throw yourself in
[X] Consume excrement until you expire
[ ] Beg for mercy
[ ] Complete a 100 kV electrical circuit using only your 'nads
[ ] Walk across an interstate highway blindfolded
[ ] Squirt tobasco sauce into your eyes
[ ] Study pedestrian-vehicular momentum changes from the pedestrian's
perspective
[ ] Have your ********* flattened with a mallet
[ ] Call the BOFH and tell him you need more disk space

In summary, I:

[ ] Spit in your face
[ ] Let my dog **** on you
[ ] Let my dog hump on you
[ ] Hope you get attacked by a herd of horny silverback gorillas with CCHF
[ ] Shall ignore you generally
[ ] Shall issue more flaming retorts
[ ] Shall flame and expose you
[ ] Shall flame, expose and report you
[ ] Shall flame, expose, report and humiliate you
[ ] *PLONK*
[ ] Shall throw peanuts at you
[ ] Blow you off
[ ] Flip you the bird
[ ] "May whatever god you believe in have mercy on your soul"
[ ] Spew phlegm in your general direction
[X] Laugh in your specific direction
[ ] Hope you slip on the septic overflow
[ ] Hope you have a good time
[ ] Complain to your ISP
[ ] Complain to law enforcement

 

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