Jeeps Canada - Jeep Forums - Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2007

On Wed, 9 May 2007 06:28:15 +0000 (UTC), in alt.usenet.kooks,
Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@caballista.org> wrote:

><music>"20th Century Fox Fanfare"
>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ
></music>
>
>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2007 Usenet Kook
>Awards. Envelopes, please!
>
><music>drumroll</music>
>
>KOOK OF THE MONTH
>
> The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY!
>
> 18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
> 08 votes L.W.(Bill) ------ II
> 05 votes gb6724@yahoo.com
> 01 votes None of the above
>
>Congratulations, Commander! Your group has won the award, your chaplain
>has won the award, now you, after several close calls, have also finally
>won the award. You hace fully arrived as a kook!

Too bad, Llewdellen the Turd, lost out to the nightbat. better luck
next time. Maybe you won't lose out to a bigger looser.

You gotta try harder, Llewdellen.

>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
>
> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>
> 20 votes Gerald C Newton
> 05 votes Alt.Astronomy Saucerheads
> 04 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
> 03 votes "newschool" of soc.men
> 00 votes None of the above
>
>Congratulations, Gerry! You thoroughly stomped the opposition. Pleace to
>inform us when you realize that complaining to the domain name registrar is
>a completely ineffective method of netkkkopping and that kookologists don't
>conspire on real estate message boards that archive USENET poasts.

You know in reviewing you message so far this month, Llewdellen could
be nominated for this outstanding award.

>COWARD OF THE MONTH
>
> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>
> 19 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
> 07 votes Steve "BowTie" Young
> 05 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
> 02 votes PorchMonkey4Life
> 01 votes Linda Gore
> 00 votes None of the above
>
>Congratulations, again, G-dolf! You conducted the most public and thorough
>campaign RL campaign against a web site owner and a news service provider
>since Chuck Lysaght, against some of the very same targets. Do you know
>what happened to Chuckles? The police visited him and told him to knock
>it off. Funny how that works.

And this one Too, Llewdellen

>LOONEY MAROON AWARD
>
> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>
> 19 votes Gerald C Newton
> 10 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
> 05 votes Linda Gore
> 01 votes Salvador Astucia
> 00 votes None of the above
>
>Congratulations a third time, Gerry Neutron. Your meltdown was one of the
>silliest things on AUK in a long time. By the way, how is your stock in
>the web-hosting company doing?

If you work hard Llewdellen you might qualify for this one.

>GOLDEN KILLFILE
>
> The winner is...RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>
> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
> 07 votes Jerry Howe, a.k.a. "Puppy Wizard"
> 05 votes Dirk Bruere
> 03 votes None of the above
>
>Congratulations, Margot Lane! A plurality of the voters wish that your
>companion Lamont's ability to cloud men's minds included the ability to
>make your poasts disappear as well.
>
>JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ---- PINEAPPLE AWARD
>
> The winner is...PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS!
>
> 18 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
> 13 votes MassiveProng, a.k.a. "NunYa Bidness"
> 01 votes Respondant
> 00 votes None of the above
>
>Congratulations, Poofy! Your one-month release from the Galactic Killfile
>showed that the voters of AUK think that you're just as pathetic as ever.
>Now, back into your cell!
>
>BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>
> The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>
> 28 votes Gerald C. Newton
> 02 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk
> 01 votes Neither of the above
>
>Congratulations a fourth time, G-dolf! If you'd swallowed Sean's hook any
>harder, you'd have had to call a proctologist to pull the lure out of you.
>
>Don't leave yet, Gerald. You won a fifth award this month, the...
>
>EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD
>
>"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on
>Usenet."
>
>The winner is...GERALD C. NEWTON OF ALT.CULTURE.ALASKA!
>
>This was voted on by acclamation earlier in April and is already on Kookle,
>but I wanted to present the award to you while you were already receiving
>your other prizes. Now, get the Hell off my stage, stalker!
>
>PALMJOB PADDLE
>
> The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE!
>
> 14 votes PorchMonkey4Life
> 11 votes Professeur Von TwoSteps
> 04 votes Crash Street Kidd
> 00 votes None of the above
>
>Good work, MonkeyBoi! You used your release from the Galactic Killfile to
>prove that you are still just as big a spankard as you were when you were
>first confined. Some things don't change.
>
>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD
>
> The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>
> 17 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston
> 10 votes Alex "Dink" Cain
> 06 votes Neither of the above
>
>Congratulations, Lamont! Your ability to cloud men's minds couldn't hide
>how much you begged for the attention of the kookologists you claim you
>despise.
>
>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD
>
> The winner is...TOM POTTER!
>
> 15 votes Tom Potter
> 08 votes Greysky
> 02 votes Neither of the above
>
>Good work, Tom! You really are shaping up to be quite the mad scientist on
>USENET. Fifty quatloos says Nightbat will be inviting you to be part of
>the Elite Space Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy by Labor Day.
>
>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
>
> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>
> 20 votes Barbara Schwarz
> 10 votes Rhonda Lea Kirk & Michael "miguel" Cranston
> 01 votes Neither of the above
>
>Congratulations, Babs! Your crusade for THE TRVTH has been recognized.
>Pity it won't make the documents you seek magically appear in /this/
>dimension.
>
>GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD
>
> The winner is...STEVE CHANEY!
>
> 12 votes Steve Chaney
> 11 votes Linda Gore
> 02 votes Neither of the above
>
>Congratulations, Wonderbra! Just because the kookologists are now poking
>your longtime adversary on soc.singles with all the sharp sticks at their
>disposal doesn't mean that you've won your fight with him, all your chest-
>beating to the contrary..
>
>SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART
>
> The winner is...BOZO DE NIRO OF ALT.COMEDY.STANDUP!
>
> 15 votes Bozo de Niro of alt.comedy.standup
> 10 votes Linda Gore
> 02 votes Neither of the above
>
>What can I say to someone whose usernym is one of the better self-spanks on
>USENET? Oh, yes, good work continuing to uphold the tradition of your
>froup, which has had only two regulars win AUK Kook Awards, both of whom--
>you and Jason "JJayBoyd" Plawner--won the Special Ops Cody. One would
>think that a group of people who should be skilled at dealing with hecklers
>wouldn't be so lame. Keep it up and alt.comedy.standup will earn the
>reputation of having the worst flame warriors on USENET.
>
>TAR & FEATHERS
>
> The winner is...BARBARA SCHWARZ!
>
> 14 votes Barbara Schwarz
> 09 votes Honest John
> 07 votes Linda Gore
> 02 votes None of the above
>
>Congratulations again, Babs! It's not just the regulars of ARS who want
>you run out of USENET on a rail. Now, back into the Galactic Killfile with
>you until you do something /acutely/ Bobo-worthy, like be deported.
>
>BUSTED URINAL AWARD
>
> The winner is...ROBERT "MOP JOCKEY" WOLFE!
>
> 18 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe
> 07 votes Hagar
> 01 votes Neither of the above
>
>Congratulations, UNIXD0RK! All of your poast-humping and ko0k-slurping
>have really managed to stink the joint up. Your discipline is not to be
>tied up with two bisexual girls, but to join with Vito Kuhn to clean up
>Fluffy's Litter Box. Here, have a shovel.
>
>UNABOMBER SURPRISE
>
> The winner is...MCP OF SOC.MEN!
>
> 13 votes MCP of soc.men
> 07 votes Johnny "Top Cop" Wizard
> 04 votes John Fields
> 02 votes None of the above
>
>Congratulations, Piggy! How many words does it take to say "OINK"?
>
>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK
>
> The winner is...PorchMonkey4Life
>
> 28 votes YES
> 03 votes NO
>
>Congratulations, MonkeyBoi! When you beat both Chuck Lysaght and Richard
>"T3H ST00P1D" Bullis for Office of Village Idiot, you showed that you were
>among the most moronic kooks ever to arrive in AUK--by magic carpet, no
>less. Now, cretin, back into the Galactic Killfile with you, before your
>idiocy becomes contageous!

It seems Billygoatboi could qualify for every award... So far.

>
>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD
>
> The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG, TRAINED BY LIONEL!
>
> 16 votes Steve "BowTie" Young, trained by Lionel
> 12 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung, trained by Flying Rat
> 00 votes Neither of the above
>
>Congratulations, Lionel! You finally got recognized for having a fanboi
>who has been fr0gging you since 2004, if not earlier, and who has
>faithfully followed you around and projected his misbehavior onto you for
>years.

I wonder how many people will be around to train Llewdellen?

>EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL RUBBER TURKEY, EASTER SUNDAY 2007
>
> The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG!
>
> 15 votes Dr. Andrew B Chung
> 10 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
> 07 votes PorchMonkey4Life
> 01 votes None of the above
>
>Congratulations, Double-Doctor! I suppose your idea of witnessing on
>Christianity's holiest day is to melt down on USENET. You've done it
>/twice/ now!
>
>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>
> The winners are...SEAN MONAGHAN AND CUJO DE SOCKPUPPET!
>
> 27 votes Fake Caballista/Alcatroll LART,
> Sean Monaghan and Cujo de Sockpuppet
> 05 votes Fake legal complaint to Google, Michael "Miguel" Cranston
> 00 votes Neither of the above
>
>Congratulations, Sean and Cujo! You hace much trolling grateness!!!1!!!

>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL
>
> The winner is...MICHAEL "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!
>
> 12 votes Michael "Miguel" Cranston
> 11 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
> 07 votes David Tholen
>
>Congratulations, Lamont! You managed to squeak out a victory over one of
>the biggest whiner about the evil coffee boys of AUK with your whining.
>Now, are you going to tell us (TINU) that you were really shedding
>crocodile tears?
>
>OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT
>
> The winner is...VITO KUHN, A.K.A. "FRITO KUHNTROLL"
>
> 14 votes Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll"
> 12 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
> 06 votes PorchMonkey4Life
>
>Congratuations, Frito! You managed to win this office over two of the most
>persistent campaigners to annoy AUK with their st00pidity in several years.
>Now, join Mop Jockey in cleaning Fluffy's Litter Box. Catch the shovel!

Llewdellen should be a shoe in for this award.

>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
>
> The winner is...BRAD GUTH!
>
> 18 votes Brad Guth
> 08 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung
> 08 votes Linda Gore
>
>Congratulations, Guthball! Your induction into the elite Earth and Spaced-
>out Science Officer Corps of alt.astronomy helped secure you this office.
>Pleace to amuse the coffee boys with your astonishing misinformation.
>
>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS
>
> The winners are...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON AND RHONDA LEA KIRK!
>
> 15 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston and Rhonda Lea Kirk
> 14 votes news.groups.proposals
>
>Nice work, Lamont and Margot! You managed to beat out, however narrowly, a
>group that has occupied this office under two different names, so notorious
>has their circle-jerking been. May your efforts, which you see as the good
>fight, but which others see as the work of partners in crime, keep you
>together in the minds of AUK for as long as you deserve, which shouldn't be
>very long.

So in a few days I'll start screening Llewdellen's articles.

Nominations will be made shortly.

>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2007 Usenet
>Kook Awards. Forty-eight people submitted forty-eight ballots. Three
>ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded.
>Of those, one was a fr0ggery and one was for a candidate not on the ballot
>for a self-created award. A fourth was from someone eligible to vote, but
>for a candidate not on the ballot. Fluffy was pleased with the shredded
>paper in his litter box. Consequently, forty-four ballots were deemed
>valid and counted.
>
>See you all later this month, when, with any luck at all, the first round
>of voting for the Kook Tarot Deck will take place. Until then, enjoy and
>all hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy!
>
>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner,
>Gerald Newton of alt.culture,alaska!
>
><music>"Theme to 'Northern Exposure'"
>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoM6IM1w7Hg
></music>

--
Bob Officer
COOSN-266-06-01986
Hammer of Thor, Sept 2005