Jeep Humor
03-15-2009, 01:07 AM
#5
Junior Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: saskatchwan
Posts: 11
Re: Jeep Humor
Ten Reasons to Date (or marry) a Jeep chick
10. You won't have to share your Jeep with her.
9. Weather permitting, she prefers driving topless.
8. Since she is obviously not into creature comforts, she will be low maintenance.
7. She can probably perform her own Jeep maintenance, so you won't have to.
6. She won't bitch when you are out working on your Jeep.
5. She probably has her own tools.
4. She likes it rough and bumpy.
3. She can take your Jeep in for warranty work, and they won't ask her a
single question, even with that 4-inch lift and those 33-inch Super Swampers.
2. She will usually buy you Jeep parts for gifts, and expect the same in return.
And the Number One reason to date (or marry) a chick with a Jeep:
1. Plenty of spare parts waiting to be stripped from her Jeep when she's not looking!
10. You won't have to share your Jeep with her.
9. Weather permitting, she prefers driving topless.
8. Since she is obviously not into creature comforts, she will be low maintenance.
7. She can probably perform her own Jeep maintenance, so you won't have to.
6. She won't bitch when you are out working on your Jeep.
5. She probably has her own tools.
4. She likes it rough and bumpy.
3. She can take your Jeep in for warranty work, and they won't ask her a
single question, even with that 4-inch lift and those 33-inch Super Swampers.
2. She will usually buy you Jeep parts for gifts, and expect the same in return.
And the Number One reason to date (or marry) a chick with a Jeep:
1. Plenty of spare parts waiting to be stripped from her Jeep when she's not looking!
03-15-2009, 01:09 AM
#6
Junior Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: saskatchwan
Posts: 11
Re: Jeep Humor
You know you drive a Jeep when ... ...
1. you use a hose to clean the inside and the outside
2. the best route from point A to point B is through the rockpile or over the mountain
3. a scratch or a dent is a beauty mark.
4. You roll it over and you don't get upset
5. Your mom and sister can't get in without help.
6. You judge every hill you see by how much fun it would be to climb.
7. You puke when you see a RAV4
8. You get custom pin-striping from trail brush
9. a low-rider Jeep pulls up next to you and you get out and B****-slap the driver
10. it takes more than 6 hours to get donuts
11. When you pull into the unplowed parking spots on snowy days
12. When you take your friends wheeling and they say "What trail- I don't see a trail!!!"
13. When you've been forced to add TJ, CJ, YJ, XJ, and ZJ to your spell-checker
14. When you can see OVER a suburban
15. You carry emergency supplies and clothing because you never know where you will end up.
16. When your Nerf bars battle rocks, and win
17. When it rains and you don't care that your top and doors are off
18. When you drive around looking at Christmas light topless
19. When you change your plugs in the parking lot at work on a break
20. If your "Parts Dept." is on blocks behind your house
21. When you take your mom wheeling and she has to help you flip the Jeep back onto its wheels again
22. You use an ice-scraper on the INSIDE of the windshield
23. You get more heat from the holes in the floorboards than through the heater vents
24. Every page of your repair manual has greasy fingerprints
25. Passengers scream "DON'T ROLL IT!!!" when you take them wheeling
26. You spend more time under your Jeep than under your significant other
27. Winter comes and you can't remember where you left the roof
28. You spend more on car washes than on insurance
29. Even worse the car wash won't let you in
30. You fix almost everything yourself
31. When you feel sorry for someone in a $60,000 Toyota Land Cruiser
32. When you have all your credit card numbers memorized
33. When you slam the door and chunks of dried mud crumble to the ground
34. If you get asked to pick up your co-workers in a snowstorm and get paid for it
35. Your wife/girlfriend refuses to get in it
36. You are the only one on the street who doesn't plow their driveway
37. You are dating the Service, Parts or sales Manager at the Jeep dealership
38. You try to run plow trucks off the road when it snows heavily
39. You can't hear your $200 stereo over the howl of your tires on the highway
40. You have a high-water mark INSIDE the Jeep
41. Any tire that isn't waist high looks like a bagel
42. You can't take a girl, who's wearing a dress, along a set of steps
43. You can't sneak into church late because the engine is too loud
44. You carry along enough tools to supply a small garage
45. You nickname your Jeep after the noises it makes or it's most damaging trail accident
46. You carry along a replacement part for every drive component on the Jeep
47. You can air up your tires without stopping at a gas station
48. You know how to reinforce the windshield frame near the wiper arm
49. You're constantly getting passed on the highway
50. Your wallet is always empty
51. When your boss's secretary calls to "recommend" that you wash your Jeep
52. When you finally wash the mud off, everyone thinks you bought a new Jeep
1. you use a hose to clean the inside and the outside
2. the best route from point A to point B is through the rockpile or over the mountain
3. a scratch or a dent is a beauty mark.
4. You roll it over and you don't get upset
5. Your mom and sister can't get in without help.
6. You judge every hill you see by how much fun it would be to climb.
7. You puke when you see a RAV4
8. You get custom pin-striping from trail brush
9. a low-rider Jeep pulls up next to you and you get out and B****-slap the driver
10. it takes more than 6 hours to get donuts
11. When you pull into the unplowed parking spots on snowy days
12. When you take your friends wheeling and they say "What trail- I don't see a trail!!!"
13. When you've been forced to add TJ, CJ, YJ, XJ, and ZJ to your spell-checker
14. When you can see OVER a suburban
15. You carry emergency supplies and clothing because you never know where you will end up.
16. When your Nerf bars battle rocks, and win
17. When it rains and you don't care that your top and doors are off
18. When you drive around looking at Christmas light topless
19. When you change your plugs in the parking lot at work on a break
20. If your "Parts Dept." is on blocks behind your house
21. When you take your mom wheeling and she has to help you flip the Jeep back onto its wheels again
22. You use an ice-scraper on the INSIDE of the windshield
23. You get more heat from the holes in the floorboards than through the heater vents
24. Every page of your repair manual has greasy fingerprints
25. Passengers scream "DON'T ROLL IT!!!" when you take them wheeling
26. You spend more time under your Jeep than under your significant other
27. Winter comes and you can't remember where you left the roof
28. You spend more on car washes than on insurance
29. Even worse the car wash won't let you in
30. You fix almost everything yourself
31. When you feel sorry for someone in a $60,000 Toyota Land Cruiser
32. When you have all your credit card numbers memorized
33. When you slam the door and chunks of dried mud crumble to the ground
34. If you get asked to pick up your co-workers in a snowstorm and get paid for it
35. Your wife/girlfriend refuses to get in it
36. You are the only one on the street who doesn't plow their driveway
37. You are dating the Service, Parts or sales Manager at the Jeep dealership
38. You try to run plow trucks off the road when it snows heavily
39. You can't hear your $200 stereo over the howl of your tires on the highway
40. You have a high-water mark INSIDE the Jeep
41. Any tire that isn't waist high looks like a bagel
42. You can't take a girl, who's wearing a dress, along a set of steps
43. You can't sneak into church late because the engine is too loud
44. You carry along enough tools to supply a small garage
45. You nickname your Jeep after the noises it makes or it's most damaging trail accident
46. You carry along a replacement part for every drive component on the Jeep
47. You can air up your tires without stopping at a gas station
48. You know how to reinforce the windshield frame near the wiper arm
49. You're constantly getting passed on the highway
50. Your wallet is always empty
51. When your boss's secretary calls to "recommend" that you wash your Jeep
52. When you finally wash the mud off, everyone thinks you bought a new Jeep
03-15-2009, 09:05 PM
#8
Moderator
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: New Brunswick
Posts: 889
Re: Jeep Humor
That last one is soooooooo me...
i mean this place in Oakville blocked up like the first 4 parking spots with plowed snow, i said you know what i can get outta there heheh... and just parked up on it, the looks i was getting was priceless... half what the heck is he doing, and others of pure jealousy haha... that and having to park out in the street at a friends house, rather than take up half of a lane, i'll take up an entire snowbank!
then i realized yea nobody is going to crawl up the snowbank to get in the passenger side, so i'll just have to move my jeep before they get in :-P
i mean this place in Oakville blocked up like the first 4 parking spots with plowed snow, i said you know what i can get outta there heheh... and just parked up on it, the looks i was getting was priceless... half what the heck is he doing, and others of pure jealousy haha... that and having to park out in the street at a friends house, rather than take up half of a lane, i'll take up an entire snowbank!
then i realized yea nobody is going to crawl up the snowbank to get in the passenger side, so i'll just have to move my jeep before they get in :-P
03-17-2009, 09:26 PM
#10
Junior Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: saskatchwan
Posts: 11
Re: Jeep Humor
How to Change the Oil in Your Jeep. . .
Women:
Pull in to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 since the last oil change
Drink a cup of coffee
Fifteen minutes later, pay $25 and leave with a properly maintained Jeep
Men:
Go to NAPA Auto Parts and pay $30 for oil, filter, hand cleaner, scented tree air freshener, and numerous other items you realize you need
Discover that your used oil collection container is full; take it to the recycling center
Spend 20 minutes trying to locate your floor jack and jack stands; no luck
Have a beer; you don't really need to jack up the Jeep anyway
Place used oil collection container under the engine
Pull out socket wrench and socket; the 5th one you try is finally the correct size
Unscrew oil drain plug
Drop drain plug in oil; splashing hot oil all over you (and the garage floor) in the process
Wipe off face with dirty shop rag and sprinkle kitty litter on garage floor where oil splashed
Have another beer while oil is draining
Look 15 minutes for oil filter wrench; no luck
Poke oil filter with a Phillips screwdriver and twist it off
Wipe oil off of your arm with same dirty rag used in step 9; sprinkle more kitty litter on floor
Buddy shows up; finish off 6-pack with him. Screw the oil change; finish it tomorrow!
Next day, drag full oil collection container out from underneath the Jeep
Sprinkle more kitty litter on oil spilled during step 15
Have a . . . wait, no beer left, drank it all yesterday
Walk 2 miles to Corner Store; buy more beer
Apply a thin coat of clean oil to gasket and install new oil filter
Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine
Remember drain plug from step 8!
Scramble to find drain plug in oil collection container
Hurry to replace drain plug before entire quart of fresh oil drains all over floor
Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame; band head on floor board in reaction
Begin cussing fit and throw wrench across garage
Clean up and apply Band-Aid to knuckles
Sprinkle kitty litter on one entire quart of fresh oil now pooled under the Jeep
Have another beer
Dump in remainder of oil into engine
Realize that while you were under the Jeep, it would have been a good time to grease everything, bleed the brakes, replace those dry-rotted body spacers, and find out where that hideous clanking noise is coming from
Drive back to NAPA and buy another $150 worth of parts that either won't fit, will break when you try to install them, or will be saved for a later project (all of which will have long been misplaced by the time you are ready to start subject project)
Drive Jeep (1-quart low of oil) for 7,000 miles; then return to Step 1
Women:
Pull in to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 since the last oil change
Drink a cup of coffee
Fifteen minutes later, pay $25 and leave with a properly maintained Jeep
Men:
Go to NAPA Auto Parts and pay $30 for oil, filter, hand cleaner, scented tree air freshener, and numerous other items you realize you need
Discover that your used oil collection container is full; take it to the recycling center
Spend 20 minutes trying to locate your floor jack and jack stands; no luck
Have a beer; you don't really need to jack up the Jeep anyway
Place used oil collection container under the engine
Pull out socket wrench and socket; the 5th one you try is finally the correct size
Unscrew oil drain plug
Drop drain plug in oil; splashing hot oil all over you (and the garage floor) in the process
Wipe off face with dirty shop rag and sprinkle kitty litter on garage floor where oil splashed
Have another beer while oil is draining
Look 15 minutes for oil filter wrench; no luck
Poke oil filter with a Phillips screwdriver and twist it off
Wipe oil off of your arm with same dirty rag used in step 9; sprinkle more kitty litter on floor
Buddy shows up; finish off 6-pack with him. Screw the oil change; finish it tomorrow!
Next day, drag full oil collection container out from underneath the Jeep
Sprinkle more kitty litter on oil spilled during step 15
Have a . . . wait, no beer left, drank it all yesterday
Walk 2 miles to Corner Store; buy more beer
Apply a thin coat of clean oil to gasket and install new oil filter
Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine
Remember drain plug from step 8!
Scramble to find drain plug in oil collection container
Hurry to replace drain plug before entire quart of fresh oil drains all over floor
Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame; band head on floor board in reaction
Begin cussing fit and throw wrench across garage
Clean up and apply Band-Aid to knuckles
Sprinkle kitty litter on one entire quart of fresh oil now pooled under the Jeep
Have another beer
Dump in remainder of oil into engine
Realize that while you were under the Jeep, it would have been a good time to grease everything, bleed the brakes, replace those dry-rotted body spacers, and find out where that hideous clanking noise is coming from
Drive back to NAPA and buy another $150 worth of parts that either won't fit, will break when you try to install them, or will be saved for a later project (all of which will have long been misplaced by the time you are ready to start subject project)
Drive Jeep (1-quart low of oil) for 7,000 miles; then return to Step 1
